Category: Lush

The Ball Bra

I was thinking last night that I should try my hand at inventing, because I love Pagan Kennedy’s new book so much. If there’s one invention that the world really needs, it’s the Ball Bra.

We Used to be Underground

I remember when this used to be the cocaine hub of DC. Well, that was when you were five blocks over and one storey underground. Couldn’t be more different now. But I come here, and I see that old sign there hanging on the wall, and, if I get tipsy enough, and squint my eyes, […]


Man, I blame so many people for all the bad shit that’s happened to me. The evil of my parents, the ingratitude and downright vicious usury of my idiot friends in high school, ex-lovers who are fucking retards for leaving me, and whoever was responsible for Galactica: 1980. Seriously, though. Sure, family, friends, and lovers […]

This only looks like my second bottle of wine

I figure that I can’t die until I’ve lived longer than the following people: Jesus Christ (33 — success!) Mom (46) Mohammed (62) Dad (69…uh…dude) Siddhartha (80)


Like most normal, sane people, I had put high school behind me. The worst years of our lives, really, no matter how much you try to sugarcoat it. When the 20th reunion party planners contacted me, I was a little bit alarmed that (a) 20 years had passed and (b) those fucking assholes found me. […]

The Nest

I set out to review The Nest, a slightly off the beaten path yuppie hangout in Bethesda, MD, but then I found myself with the same problem as when I tried to review Fire Station One in Silver Spring. The Nest, while obviously a great date spot if you’re into that noisy herd of transplants […]

In Session

I have a dream. I’m going to move to New Orleans and open up a DC-themed bar. I’m going to call it “In Session” and set it up somewhere posh where we can pick up tourists and commuters. For all the expats, it’ll be a true home away from home. The first thing I’ll do […]