Posts Tagged ‘Rants’

Stop telling me to get out and vote

First of all, I’m addicted to voting. I think it’s important, I always vote, and I revel in the idea that my little vote is part of a grander, greater voice of potential revolution. At the local level, I vote against judges and council people I don’t fucking know out of pure spite. I write […]


5 minute brain farts or, ‘Saint Cunt of Cuntcutta.’ by Monkey.

Since I discovered ‘The Most Dangerous Writing App Ever’* which isn’t an app but a webpage I have been holding myself to a once-per-week exercise of writing non-stop for five minutes. http://www.themostdangerouswritingapp.com/ *Note, if you stop writing for more than a few seconds you lose all progress Here is entry #1 unedited and purposefully bombastic. […]


Down with the DST

The first time I got a job where I didn’t have to punch a fucking clock, I decided to stop observing Daylight Savings Time. This is harder than it seems, and not for the reason you think. I had to disable the option on half the clocks in the house, and I ended up using […]


Pressure

When I was a kid, I always wanted a barometer. They just seemed so romantic and exciting, you know? It was this antique looking brass dial that sea captain’s had, and all of the old people I knew who were halfway cool had a barometer in their house. People talked about the barometer all the […]


Trumped

What’s wrong you idiots? Trump is the best possible thing that could happen to this country. We need him in the White House! Think about it – everyone in Congress will unite against him. His mere presence will dissolve the two party system and we’ll move into an era of egalitarian utopia as congressmen, senators, […]


Meandering

I didn’t have a post ready today because I’ve been doing all this for-money writing all week and I can’t concentrate on anything. Also, the only thing that I feel compelled to do is post tons of Youtube clips of Bowie singing and Rickman doing a terrible American accent that doesn’t even fool John McClane. […]


The King of Farts

I knew this kid in high school who was obsessed with poop. He’d measure every one of his shits – not just the quantity but the consistency. He’d fish out his turds and analyze them based on a series of parameters and record the progress (if that’s the right word) on a chart. He once […]


Syria Me

In the wake of the dreadful terrorist attack on Paris (which, I promise, I won’t mock till early 2016), the US reaction has been typical. We blame the most disenfranchised colored people du jour – the Syrian refugees. Blacks and Hispanics can all breathe a sigh of relief as we turn our collective hateful prejudice […]