Movie Pitch #1

I’ve been doing lots of work with Hollywood people lately because we have six movie/TV deals in various stages of negotiation which is exciting. So now I think I’ve figured out exactly what Hollywood wants these days. Here’s my pitch:

Nacho’s Gilligan’s Island Reboot

Seven stranded castaways in trouble!

A troubled polycule and some of their friends board the USS Minnow for a pleasure cruise only to find themselves caught in a storm and swept onto a deserted island in the South Pacific. Will they heal their complex relationship issues and come to terms with their questions about love and gender identity?

Cast:

Note that the entire cast, except for the Skipper, the Professor, and Mary Ann are polyamorous and belong to a tight knit polycule that has recently been experiencing a strain on the various relationships.

The Skipper: The Skipper is in his late 50s. He is Latino and very gruff. He chain smokes and curses constantly. All of this is a front as he secretly struggles with homosexuality and gender identity. Of course, he only thinks he’s secretly struggling with this. In fact, it’s very obvious to everyone. Think Roger Dupree from The Producers meets Lalo Salamanca from Better Call Saul.

Gilligan: Gilligan is the first mate on the Minnow and is the Skipper’s “little buddy.” Gilligan is nonbinary and its preferred pronouns are “a/it.” Gilligan is early 20s. Think Asia Kate Dillon.

The Howells: Two men in their 70s. This inseparable duo made their fortune gentrifying the Irish Channel neighborhood in New Orleans after Katrina. They have recently decided to get married, which has disrupted the internal politics of the polycule and may be at the root of the problem that led to the trip in the first place. They are old-school flamboyantly gay to the point of cliche, which also upsets the younger members of the polycule.

The Movie Star: Ginger, a transgender drag queen in her early 50s who is midway through her surgical alteration. Once famous on the drag circuit, Ginger is now dissatisfied with her place in the world and feels that her beauty is rapidly fading. Think Terence Stamp’s character in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

The Professor: In his late 30s, the Professor is a straight white male. He’s brilliant, but he tries to hide it from his fellow castaways. He believes that gender is strictly defined at birth and that just about everything going on with his fellow castaways is, at best, questionable. Towards the end of season one, it’s revealed to the audience that the Professor was able to fix the Minnow all along, but wasn’t doing so because he wanted to get off the island alone and leave all his other castaways to their fate. A possible cliffhanger could find him doing exactly this, only to be washed back up on shore in season two. Despite his beliefs, the Professor is very curious about Ginger and won’t leave her alone.

Mary Ann: A Bible-thumping, ultra-conservative Trumpnista. The Minnow was supposed to be on a run between two islands and she booked passage without knowing about the others that would be joining her. She was trying to get to a last minute conservative rally for white housewives on the other island.

Mary Ann hates her fellow castaways and often runs off into the jungle to read her Bible aloud to Mango trees. She believes that they have been marooned as a punishment from God.

Every story starts with Mary Ann when the guest-star-of-the-week emerges from the underbrush and startles her. She typically screams, drops her Bible, and runs back to camp while the guest star pursues her in an attempt to return her Bible.

Episode One: The Cosmonaut

A stranded Soviet Cosmonaut appears in the jungle and startles Mary Ann. At camp, he becomes very interested in the polycule. The professor is able to fix the ion drive on the Cosmonaut’s space capsule but, because he distrusts Russians, he decides to sabotage it so it explodes shortly after liftoff.

Episode two: The Headhunters

A duo of native headhunters (30s, white, male) appear in the jungle and startle Mary Ann. At camp, they become very interested in the polycule. Gilligan believes it is also a headhunter based on a recent 23&Me test and asks to join them despite the protestations of the polycule. Hilarity ensues. The Professor secretly poisons the pies the polycule make for the headhunters and warns Gilligan not to eat them.

Episode Three: The Billionaire

An eccentric billionaire arrives at the island in his yacht and decides to pose as a homeless beggar. He appears in the jungle and startles Mary Ann. At camp, he becomes very interested in the polycule. The Howells eventually figure out his secret and he flees without providing any hope of rescue. Meanwhile, everyone is tired of the Skipper making “whatever floats your boat” jokes.LikeCommentShare