2014: The year of hide & seek. By Monkey!

Everything in life disappears, sooner or later. Youth, energy, love, dreams, hope, and erections. Oh, and Malaysian airplanes.

This year we saw in many countries the disappearance of stability, common sense, decency and reason. The most recent example of aforementioned loss was all of the above, when 132 Pakistani children were murdered in cold blood at school by uneducated fools who live in a fantasy world of iron age superstition. That’s a lot of arranged marriages cancelled.

Elsewhere, we saw the disappearance of police culpability for abuse of power and brutality, and with it a loss of what little trust and respect was held for state-sponsored arbiters of ‘law and order.’

Somewhere in-between, a gradual erosion of societal fundamentals snowballed under the cyborg Lizard King, Darth Cameron and his inbred, racist cronies in the name of ‘posterity.’ Also known as, “Go fuck yourselves, Britain.” Our taxes pay Wall Street, not posterity.

In 2014, the world also lost the illusion of privacy after Edward Snowden’s revelations about NSA and GCHQ surveillance activities. Something our subconscious knew anyway, but when said aloud seemed all the worse for our denial. The US of A – or, ‘Murica – lost the good will of many other governments, especially that of Germany when Angela Merkel – who grew up during Stasi control of East Germany – discovered she had been spied upon for some time.

Any pretense of NATO efficacy disappeared under Grand Dragon Vlad’s death stare as Russia invaded eastern Ukraine, or as Putin calls it, “Russia.” In defiance of international sanctions, Russian soldiers and military hardware kept getting lost in roaming Slavic countryside before they got spooked and shelled Ukrainian towns and troops mistaken for Russian soldiers’ reflections, or as Vlad would have us believe, “comrades.” Remember, folks: in Soviet Russia, everywhere is Soviet Russia.

Sometime during November, or maybe October, GS member Tatertots lost all memory of his night out drinking with Monkey! in Paris, and then missed his train bound for Germany. There may or may not have been a finger or two which may or may not have disappeared into one or another orifice of Tatertots. Allegedly. But he was asking for it, dressed like he was on that honeysuckle night. Allegedly.


2014 was also the year when my cock played hide and seek in a black cheerleader’s ebony vagina or as it resembled post-coitus, an Oreo. Indeed, quite a few entries disappeared from my “List of Awesome” this year; redheads, groupies, female police officers, and record volumes of alcohol. I have named my liver, “Hemingway.”

Already, friends and family have told me, “Next year will be a good year,” but this was said last year as well – no year is supposed to be a bad year. Nonetheless, the next year will always be a bad year for somebody in the world. What disappears with time is the childish notion of ‘good’ or ‘bad’ years with realization that we have little control over most of our daily lives; Scalextric cars whizzing around predefined circuits, our movements dependent upon the rut in which we are stuck, otherwise we shall fly off-track to find ourselves in burning flames.

I suppose what one may take away from 2014 is that we should do our best to tick off as many items from our bucket list before life itself disappears in the biological hide and seek of birth, mediocrity, and death.

Enjoy Sir Isaac Newton’s birthday and various mish-mashes of Nordic and Pagan festivals, folks. Sir Captain Lord-General Monkey, over and out!

P.S. Cunt.

Comments are closed.