The King of Farts
I knew this kid in high school who was obsessed with poop. He’d measure every one of his shits – not just the quantity but the consistency. He’d fish out his turds and analyze them based on a series of …
Tag: Rants
Syria Me
In the wake of the dreadful terrorist attack on Paris (which, I promise, I won’t mock till early 2016), the US reaction has been typical. We blame the most disenfranchised colored people du jour – the Syrian refugees. Blacks and …
Vomit Vixen
I want to talk about the girl in high school who would give anyone who asked a blowjob but would then vomit the moment she started.
The Gangbang Girl
In 1997, after graduating college, I got my first apartment in Bethesda, MD. It was in what my grandfather called “the old hotboxes” on Battery Lane, and it was pretty cool for a first apartment. Big, bright, and not a …
Failure to Thrive
All of my friends loved this old girlfriend I had. Despite the relationship ending poorly, they said that she should be congratulated for “healing me” or whatever the fuck. I can’t help but interpret this as some sort of backhanded …
With Friends Like These…
There’s a great moment in the film Pump Up The Volume where Slater’s character is about to throw in the towel after he realizes the power of his pirate radio show, and is stunned by what it’s led to. “You …
The Death of a Hometown
Oh, Bethesda, my Bethesda. A quarter of a century ago you were a sleepy little suburb, the end of the subway line, a quiet little community with no skyline and you curled up and went to sleep when the sun …
Hell is Other People
Oh, it’s so exhausting bleating on about how much I hate people. It’s like Blogging 101 to hate people. I say we should all just take the next step and embrace this hatred and take positive action to obliterate a …
And on the fifth day, the Lord created the kender
I do quite a bit of business at my local UPS Store and, no, it does not involve mailing the body parts of hookers to my friend in Dead Indian Bend, IA. That was a young man’s game. These days …
And on the fifth day, the Lord created the kender Read more »
Heads Will Roll
I’m always a bit shocked when people say they hated history in school, and don’t devour it now in their spare time. What’s the matter with you? History is awesome, and I feel like I should convert a part of …