Category: Wage Slave

Piss Break

One of my most embarrassing on the job moments is from 1993. I worked in a little bookstore attached to an old mansion nestled in a sleepy suburb of DC. Those were the carefree days before gentrification really took hold, so sunset meant cows and pigs and yuppies went to sleep.

Creamy Topping

Oh! An internal memo! That’s good, because our computers are too slow to properly play episodes of MacGyver at While I can spend hours patting myself on the back for singlehandedly slowing down the system, there’s still lots of time to kill in the day. What better way then to turn all my efforts […]

Race War

I’ve been closely following the developing race war in the mailroom.I don’t really care about either side of the battle, I’m just thrilled when the humdrum of my daily working life is changed (or is near a sphere of change). For example, on 9/11, I was thrilled. All that death and horror, and I was […]


When thinking of this article during my morning commute, that’s the title that was sort of stuck with it. I cook up most of these posts during my long bus and train ride into the office, because I find it much easier to press my forehead against the window and daydream instead of read, or […]

Non Productive Monday

In an attempt to waste as much time as possible, I spent today writing up a little thing in the forums: One season sci fi wonders. Shows that never were, I suppose. Canceled after a handful of episodes, they’re all left out there to fade away into our cult-culture. Some were great — like Firefly […]

Double Shift

Ah, weekend jobs. I showed up at 8am and won’t be home till 2am. Two weddings in a row. It’s warm and beautiful outside and I’m hunched over the computer in the back office, listening to people cry during their speeches. Speeches, by the way, which have been going on for 40 minutes.

In the piss drinking department…

We all know Two chicks, One Cup (a.k.a. Cupchicks). So let me go ahead and introduce you to the next phase: One orangutan, no cup. Yes, I’m bored. I’m working a 10 hour shift at my second job and I’m really hungover. I was okay this morning, because I was still drunk from last night. […]


Finally catching up with the 1990’s, my weekend job has decided to become a Wi-Fi hotspot. This is a big deal for them, because my weekend job is with this little non-profit organization that’s run by a dozen housewives and a handful of aged post-hippies. They all work out of an old mansion sitting on […]

String Theory

I constantly bitch about my day job, which features an endless stream of phone calls from true idiots. People with PhD’s who can’t read, lack basic social abilities, are about as observant as a dead ferret, and tend towards cruelty when things don’t go exactly as planned. But nothing prepares me for my weekend job, […]