Memorial Day? More like Mem-BORE-ial day! Am I Right?!

So while all you fuckers are enjoying a three-day weekend, stuffing your faces full of pork byproduct and whacking off to Saving Private Ryan, I’ve got to work in retail, so there will be no architecturally sound emotional outpouring on my part today.  Go enjoy your slip and slides, your watermelon relay races, your cousins new tits, whatever.  It’s summer.  You deserve  day to just freak out and celebrate everyone who died for your opportunity to take advantage of huge mattress sales and classic car shows.

That sounds a bit rude.  I’m sorry.  To be fair, I haven’t written anything spectacular yet, so you’ll have to wait until tomorrow.  Tomorrow is June 1st, which to the rest of the country is Get-Back-To-Work-and-Speculate-About-Summer-Movies Day, but for us on the Gulf Coast is the first day of hurricane season.  I’ll give you the full down and dirty tomorrow.  For now…enjoy your pineapple popsicles and flotation devices.