Christmas at GS

My family has abandoned me, which might be a good thing, so Christmas will be spent alone with my life-size Jonathan Frakes inflatable doll.

Well, not entirely true.  I whined on the forums about being alone for Christmas and the invites came in.  I opted for the most lubricated invite (speaking of dolls) – dinner with my uncle’s German girlfriend,  who happily told me that she had just finished purchasing 00 of alcohol from some sort of liquor Costco-style Mecca in deepest Virginia.  Most of that is for her large and loud family, all of whom are, as far as I’ve been able to tell, enormously drunk all of the time.

“Dinner” starts at noon.

In the meantime, with my grandmother now in that “happier place,” wherever that’s supposed to be (I asked the preacher if she was at the Hagerstown Outlet Mall, because she was always very happy there), I’ve been lacking in presents. When I whined about that on GS, people took action.  And my friends in England also sent some gifts, which was unexpected.  I like that everyone feels sorry for me, because that allowed me to create the Dinosaur Tree for Christmas!

Actually, I have a suitable tree… The Out of Control Houseplant Christmas.  But that goddamned thing is the main reason why I never want to move again.  I have to take that down four flights of stairs if I move.  I should have taken a picture of that, as well, but then I started drinking the Stoli.

So I’ll sit alone with a bottle of brandy and open everyone’s gifts in the morning, and you can follow along in the forums right here.

And, by the way, just because the season’s ending, it doesn’t mean my Amazon wishlist vanishes.  It’s right here.  I’m going to beg for stuff once a week until someone shoots me.  Which will happen any day now thanks to my new neighbor and his gaggle of ghetto girlfriends.