Nacho’s guide for voting in Montgomery County, Maryland

Maryland is a great state.  The Democrats are going to carry it, so you can do whatever you want.  But, since you’re an irresponsible monster, I’ll still tell you what to do.

Let’s go over the ballot!

First up is President.  I’m sure everyone’s voting for Obama but, if you can’t bring yourself to vote for a straw man president, why not try out some of the others?  If you want to vote for somebody who really is black, then the Green Party is putting up comically violent Cynthia McKinney.  I’ve found it odd that the media attacks conformist Michelle Obama as an “angry black woman” when the quintessential, right-hook-throwing angry black woman is also on the ballot.

But maybe voting Green is a bit much for you?  Or, perhaps, you really are a racist.  In that case, there’s Bob Barr.  Also, for my conservative friends, Barr is your only choice.  If you actually vote for McCain, then you need to have yourself checked out.  Secretly, I kind of like Barr and am debating a vote in that direction myself.

The comedy option, if you just want to be different, is Chuck Baldwin for the Constitution Party, whoever the fuck they are.

Then, finally, if you just can’t stomach any of them, write in Nacho Sasha.  Which is what I’m actually going to do.

I moved into a new District, so I no longer have to worry about voting against Van Hollen.  Thank god.  I hate that cunt.  So if you’re in Maryland’s 8th District, then vote for Gordon Clark instead of Van Hollen.  Please.  I beg you.  I’ll send you free books if you do.

In fact, if you kill Van Hollen for me, I’ll pay your legal fees.

I get to happily vote for Donna Edwards, of the do-nothing party.  Uh… Democrats, I mean.  Though I might vote for Lincecum because he has a ridiculous name and he has no real platform.  I love the comparison chart at that link.  Is he really working for Donna Edwards?  Lincecum will do nothing.  Peter James will do nothing.  Edwards will change the world for the greater good.  VOTE LINCECUM!


Then there are all those judges and BOE people who, in Maryland, run largely (and suspiciously) unopposed. We have two people running for the two slots on judicial circuit 6.  Then we have the two court of special appeals at large people – Robert Zamoch and Deborah Eyler.  We get to vote yes or no for continuance in office.  I always vote no on questions like that because, seriously, keep these fuckers on their toes.  Everybody always votes yes so, consequently, we’ve got people we don’t know in office for 40 years.  How about we shake them up a bit?  So vote no with extreme malice.

For the BOE people, I tend to do what the Montgomery County Education Association tells me to do.  So Laura Berthiaume, Chris Barclay (who is unopposed) and Phil Kauffman.

We have four questions.  One is about early voting.  Vote no on that because I agree with the 2006 ruling that it’s unconstitutional.  Question two is slot machines – asking us to allow 15,000 slot machines in Maryland’s poorest counties, and all couched in language that makes it sound like slot machines are the Messiah.  Vote against that retarded shit.  I mean, really.  Vote for cocaine dens in Maryland’s black communities!

The two remaining questions are the usual witchery with taxes and land use stuff.  If you own property you care about question A, which repeals the County’s right to use money to dump sewage on your front yard.  Question B I’m against.  It’s property tax stuff and doesn’t matter to me, but it’s vaguely undemocratic in that it asks to change the County Council’s voting scheme regarding taxes – if the amendment passes, then property tax questions will require a unanimous vote instead of the current 7 out of 9 votes required for such changes.  So, basically, it’s an amendment that empowers the minority and pisses on the majority.  Wrong country, assholes!

And that’s it!  In and out, three minutes tops.  And four hours in line.

Also, you can follow the election in the GS forums.  The normal, responsible thread is right here.  But I’ve coerced a friend to spend the day hauling trash out of my storage shed, then come back to my place for Britcoms and movies, eventually tuning into CNN late evening to watch Bob Barr win in a landslide because I mentioned him here.  That thread is right here.

Though I’ll be drinking heavily and posting in both threads, so I’m sure everything will be duplicated.

Or maybe Comcast will cut off my internet because I’m very close to my 250 gig cap.  And, yes, it’s all porn.


  1. Michael
      November 3, 2008

    “We have four questions. One is about early voting. Vote no on that because I agree with the 2006 ruling that it’s unconstitutional.”

    No shit, smart guy. That’s why Question 1 is on whether or not to AMEND the State Constitution to allow such a thing, thus making early voting constitutional. And since when have incorrigible leftist’s been concerned with the limits placed by the Constitution (federal or otherwise) anyway?

    I’m glad I came across your blithering pile of stinking garbage you call a blog. Now I know who to vote against with regards to the BOE and the Special Appeals judges.

  2. Dan
      November 3, 2008

    Just moved to Maryland…thanks for the info…hilarious!

  3. nacho
      November 3, 2008

    Michael — is English your second language?

  4. Caroline
      November 3, 2008

    hahaha – very good

  5. Ms. S.
      November 4, 2008

    Deb Eyler gave money to Obama. Murphy was appointed by O’Malley. That’s really all I can find on any of the judges so far. I really wish someone would dig through their decisions so I could get an idea of their judicial philosophies. Ah well, this is what I get for waiting until the last minute to research my vote.

    BTW, what’s up with the crummy choices for Congress here in Maryland? It’s like Republicans LIKE losing out here. But I’m new to the state, what do I know?

  6. nacho
      November 4, 2008

    Yeah, O’Malley’s robo-calls have told me all about Murphy. At least twice every night for the last two weeks.

    Congress in Maryland is a sham. Have you looked at the Districts? Talk about gerrymandering.

    Too lazy myself to look up the judges… So my solution for you is to write in random names.

    It doesn’t matter anyway. This is an old boy Democrat state. Let’s call it functional corruption.

  7. nacho
      November 4, 2008

    Also, I’ve been asked to apologize about my Van Hollen comments/threats. I will not pay your legal fees if you kill him. But I will help you flee the country.

    I was on staff when he rented out a place that won’t be named back when he was first running. He’s a rude, cold, elitist fuckwad. He hates the little people…and he treated us all poorly. In fact, I can’t be sure he could even see us. His soulless eyes would watch us as we set up the chairs and tables and so on, but it was like he was always looking through us.

    He replaced Connie Morella — liberal Republican — who was sweet and kind and once bought me an ice cream cone when I was a kid.