Nacho’s guide for voting in Montgomery County, Maryland
Maryland is a great state. The Democrats are going to carry it, so you can do whatever you want. But, since you’re an irresponsible monster, I’ll still tell you what to do.
Let’s go over the ballot!
First up is President. I’m sure everyone’s voting for Obama but, if you can’t bring yourself to vote for a straw man president, why not try out some of the others? If you want to vote for somebody who really is black, then the Green Party is putting up comically violent Cynthia McKinney. I’ve found it odd that the media attacks conformist Michelle Obama as an “angry black woman” when the quintessential, right-hook-throwing angry black woman is also on the ballot.
But maybe voting Green is a bit much for you? Or, perhaps, you really are a racist. In that case, there’s Bob Barr. Also, for my conservative friends, Barr is your only choice. If you actually vote for McCain, then you need to have yourself checked out. Secretly, I kind of like Barr and am debating a vote in that direction myself.
The comedy option, if you just want to be different, is Chuck Baldwin for the Constitution Party, whoever the fuck they are.
Then, finally, if you just can’t stomach any of them, write in Nacho Sasha. Which is what I’m actually going to do.
I moved into a new District, so I no longer have to worry about voting against Van Hollen. Thank god. I hate that cunt. So if you’re in Maryland’s 8th District, then vote for Gordon Clark instead of Van Hollen. Please. I beg you. I’ll send you free books if you do.
In fact, if you kill Van Hollen for me, I’ll pay your legal fees.
I get to happily vote for Donna Edwards, of the do-nothing party. Uh… Democrats, I mean. Though I might vote for Lincecum because he has a ridiculous name and he has no real platform. I love the comparison chart at that link. Is he really working for Donna Edwards? Lincecum will do nothing. Peter James will do nothing. Edwards will change the world for the greater good. VOTE LINCECUM!
Then there are all those judges and BOE people who, in Maryland, run largely (and suspiciously) unopposed. We have two people running for the two slots on judicial circuit 6. Then we have the two court of special appeals at large people – Robert Zamoch and Deborah Eyler. We get to vote yes or no for continuance in office. I always vote no on questions like that because, seriously, keep these fuckers on their toes. Everybody always votes yes so, consequently, we’ve got people we don’t know in office for 40 years. How about we shake them up a bit? So vote no with extreme malice.
For the BOE people, I tend to do what the Montgomery County Education Association tells me to do. So Laura Berthiaume, Chris Barclay (who is unopposed) and Phil Kauffman.
We have four questions. One is about early voting. Vote no on that because I agree with the 2006 ruling that it’s unconstitutional. Question two is slot machines – asking us to allow 15,000 slot machines in Maryland’s poorest counties, and all couched in language that makes it sound like slot machines are the Messiah. Vote against that retarded shit. I mean, really. Vote for cocaine dens in Maryland’s black communities!
The two remaining questions are the usual witchery with taxes and land use stuff. If you own property you care about question A, which repeals the County’s right to use money to dump sewage on your front yard. Question B I’m against. It’s property tax stuff and doesn’t matter to me, but it’s vaguely undemocratic in that it asks to change the County Council’s voting scheme regarding taxes – if the amendment passes, then property tax questions will require a unanimous vote instead of the current 7 out of 9 votes required for such changes. So, basically, it’s an amendment that empowers the minority and pisses on the majority. Wrong country, assholes!
And that’s it! In and out, three minutes tops. And four hours in line.
Also, you can follow the election in the GS forums. The normal, responsible thread is right here. But I’ve coerced a friend to spend the day hauling trash out of my storage shed, then come back to my place for Britcoms and movies, eventually tuning into CNN late evening to watch Bob Barr win in a landslide because I mentioned him here. That thread is right here.
Though I’ll be drinking heavily and posting in both threads, so I’m sure everything will be duplicated.
Or maybe Comcast will cut off my internet because I’m very close to my 250 gig cap. And, yes, it’s all porn.