Still unfocused and hungover…
I’ve discovered something terrible: I’m addicted to Google Reader.
Five days out of town, checking email in the mornings but, otherwise, ignoring the internet, and I let Google Reader slide a bit. Now, I subscribe to 300 blogs (because I’m also addicted to the internet), so that means that things were a little out of hand when I finally checked.
Tuesday morning, back at my sad and thankless job, I discovered that I had thousands of hits waiting for me in Reader. And, yes, I must read them all. So I spent most of my work day scrolling through, and an hour or so last night, and then most of this morning here in the office. I’ve just dipped below 1000, and I feel somewhat excited. Like I should go have a celebratory gin and tonic or something.
But, anyway, that’s not what I want to write about. What I want to write about is how useless this blog is. Why are UFO pictures always fuzzy? I have a $100 digital camera and whenever I take a random photo of something, it’s usually pretty clear. I get it if there’s some weird thing flitting around, but if there’s a goddamned silver orb just fucking hovering there, I can promise you that my picture will come out.
You’d think, after 50 years of grainy photographs, people would just give up. Okay, maybe you saw a UFO, but if you can’t present quality evidence…well, shut up.
I still keep my subscription to that blog, though, because of the occasional black woman in a cow suit story.
That’s right, baby. A blog’s not a blog without a black woman in a cow suit.
I think I’ve found my true love…
A police report filed about the incident said Michelle Allen allegedly chased children in her neighborhood while wearing the suit on Monday evening.
Allen also urinated on a neighbor’s front porch, the report said, and was warned by officers to go home and stay there.
Allen was charged with disorderly conduct after an officer found her causing traffic problems on North Verity Parkway.
The officer’s report stated that Allen was verbally abusive to him on the trip to jail and smelled of alcohol.
It concerns me that I’m able to easily picture doing all that. Kids playing noisily outside my apartment? Time for the cowsuit!
A message to American blacks: Middletown, Ohio is the place to be. If a black woman in DC put on a cow suit and was verbally abusive to a cop, she’d probably get shot about 50 times.
“Mooooo…”
“That’s it, bitch!” *KABLAM KABLAM*
Things like that make Halloween interesting. Oh my god! It’s a tinfoil robot! Get the shotgun and call in for backup!
That’s probably more an LAPD thing, actually. Do they have Halloween in black neighborhoods? Because I wouldn’t.
Halloween, in general, is something that should be discontinued. I grew up in a ritzy white neighborhood and people still put dogs on me. Of course, I dressed up as a ninja and snuck around in people’s backyards and garages and tried to surprise them. Here’s a nice, oversized picture that I can’t be bothered to adjust. Do you know how hard it was to creep around with those sunglasses on? Those are my glacier glasses, by the way. I am a child of the 80’s. I may have also owned a pair of parachute pants, but we won’t talk about that…
But, anyway, I’m not here to write about that, either. I’m here to direct you to this thread, where I posted a few pictures from my recent New Orleans trip. I go down there to visit friends, so I don’t actually do much New Orleans stuff. I just sit around their apartment and watch British TV on an antique laptop, drinking constantly and getting grouchy. Pretty much what I do at home, except it feels healthier when you’re not alone.
I don’t regret being a shut-in when I travel to NOLA, because I don’t much like the town. We had a hard object lesson with Katrina of something that everyone always knew: New Orleans is not in the United States. So everywhere you go, even the high tourist spots, you have the faint whiff of utter poverty and overwhelming human cruelty. Nor is there a plucky hope of renewal to offset that. It’s just a sad city full of sad people who have been betrayed by their government and left to rot for years.
Even the upbeat people who have gotten over the disaster live a life measured in “before the storm” and “after the storm” dates. That bar opened after the storm. Oh, he’s been riding a scooter since before the storm.
But I like my friends down there and, yes, I let them paint my toenails cobalt blue with glitter. Which might be hard to explain this weekend when my grandfather comes to stay with me for three days.
(You can find more pictures of me in Halloween costumes right here.)