Useless Olympic Sports

I won’t make fun of beach volleyball being an Olympic sport because those chicks are hot.  And because of the one image I’m going to take away from the current Olympics (which I am not really following):

Of course, there’s also the war in Georgia.  We don’t have official names for wars anymore, which is disappointing, but most parties seem to have settled on “The South Ossetia War.”  I think we should go with “The War of Russian Fuckery against Georgia (NOT THE STATE!!).”

I don’t care how worldly you are, the whole Georgia thing is confusing.  Russian troops push deeper into Georgia!  My first reaction is to stand up and scream:  “Wolverines!”

Anyway, the war’s a big yawn.  The Russians bombed and murdered a few thousand civilians because they claimed the Georgian’s were killing civilians, then they all signed a peace treaty that pretty much returned everything to status quo.  Which, depending on how you play Europa Universalis II, counts as a failure for Russia.  Now the revolt risk is up, they’ve spent all their ducats on new troops, and they didn’t even gain those two little core provinces.

Meanwhile, as Georgia was panicking at home, they were doing well in the Olympics abroad.  They scored themselves a gold medal in Greco-Roman Wrestling.  They are, after all, closer to Greece than the Chinese.  There is some debate, though.  We’re not sure Georgia won because the Chinese government has replaced all non-Chinese athletes with CGI cartoon characters, so we don’t really know who’s winning or losing.  But Georgia was the best guess after the CGI character squeaked and flew into the air and circled Beijing a few times.

Georgia also scored a bronze medal in the women’s 10 meter air pistol competition.  There’s quite a bit wrong with that… Air pistol?  10 meters?  And only a bronze?  My cousin in Parkersburg can take out a can at 20 meters with an air pistol while drunk out of his mind on my other cousin’s “special mix” (which, I think, is Bailey’s, Maker’s Mark, moonshine, and triple sec.  Yes, it’s vile.).  Oddly enough, the same cousin cannot hit a cow with a shotgun from a moving car while sober.  Also, if you’re ever in Parkersburg, never give my cousin a ride.  Word to the wise.

I looked up the specifics on the 10 meter air pistol.  It’s a three pound air pistol, and the women’s competition gets 40 shots in 75 minutes at a half-inch target.  In the finals, you get 10 shots, with 75 seconds for each shot.  My cousin sort of shoots from the hip in three seconds while also doing a shot of Jager.

My cousin’s sister says he’s good at wrestling, as well.  If you know what I mean.