Bedrooms Lessons. One.

If the question, “can we cuddle?” is posed by a woman to a man after having just completed coitus, a firm rebuttal should be issued:

“No, I’ve done my job, now I want to get some sleep. You should do your job and get your rest for the morning. You can toss me off when I wake up.”

 Some women are persistent. Tell them that if they really want to make themselves useful, they could go and fetch their man a snack from the kitchen. Rejection then redirection: this is how one should deal with any woman in bedroom situations. She should not receive reward after copulation. ‘Cuddles’ = Reward in the delinquent female mind.

Women should not be made to feel comfortable either during or afterwards – it is shameful and even wrong for women to be seen enjoying themselves during sex. If a woman dutifully refrains from exhibiting any signs of sexual pleasure then she might be gifted a kiss upon her forehead. If the man perceives the young lady to be “entering the moment” like the most base of harlots then it is his duty to regale and berate the woman once his role has been completed.

 Having brought the man his plate of snackfoods, the redirected woman should allow her man to enjoy his food. If she persists in seeking reward – “can we cuddle afterwards? I want to fall asleep in your arms” – she should be answered with a hard, swift rebuttal. A slap to the face should normally suffice.

“I hope you’re glad now, that you’ve brought your man to this.” The woman should show signs of remorse – the first step towards her bedroom training. However, if after the initial rebuttal of a physical nature the female becomes emotional and/or irrational as they’re often wanton to do, a secondary phase should be entered into: several more firm slaps to her face, every third slap using the back of the hand.

Tell your woman that she’s preventing you from enjoying the snacks and that you hope she “knows what this means.” With these methods we can instill into the weaker sex the essence of her wrong doing. By threats of future recompense, after the primary and secondary stages of rejection have been dealt out, the man is warning the female against any further insistence in seeking post-coital reward.

Thus ends this bedroom lesson.