Valentine Dinner

Dear internet:  Everything has changed!

Nope, just kidding.  I’m having Cheez-It’s and beer for dinner, because I’m 33 and it’s time I start eating healthy and respecting my body.  I’m actually a little excited, even though I poured myself the wrong beer.  I wanted the stout but I automatically reached for a lager.  Weird.  Maybe I’m turning into a Canadian because it’s been really cold the last three days.  Which leads to being Canadian.  Logically.

I’m excited because this is the first beer I’ve had in almost two weeks.  Sunday week I was struck down with a 104 degree fever that lasted through Tuesday.  Because I was once a pillhead, in an attempt to control my now cured chronic pain, I refuse to take pills unless it’s an extreme case and/or an ex girlfriend shows up at my door.  So when I get sick, I just drink juice and soldier through it.  But that fever kicked my ass, and I spent last week being all moody and fucked up.  Then last weekend I lounged around in my own filth.  This week I’ve just been busy getting back to normal.  But I told myself this afternoon that I would drink tonight.  So here goes.

Oh, right.  This lager is shit.  Undrinkable, even.  Pisswater.  Now I have to cut into prime Cheez-It eating time to dump it out and pour the stout.  Of course, stout doesn’t go well with Cheez-It’s.  This night’s a disaster.  Ex-girlfriend sent a text message a few hours ago asking if I would be her valentine.  I texted back:  “Deceased.  Return to sender.”