Customer Service Transcripts #7

Stroking out?

Cust: I want to order a desk copy.

Me: Okay, you need to do that through the webpage. The place to go to is (web address), then select “course adoption” in the menu.

Cust: We can’t do this over the phone?

Me: No. You need to order through the webpage.

Cust: I’m on the webpage.

Me: Okay…

Cust: What do I do?

Me: You’re on (web address)?

Cust: …no…

Me: Then please go to that address.

Cust: Okay…

Me: Now select course adoption on the menu.

Cust: But…this is for desk copies…

Me: Yes. I’m sorry, that’s what you were asking about, right?

Cust: Not — but… I…uh… Oh…Hmmm…

Me: Sorry?

Cust: Oh! Ah. But I…. Um… Ugh. I– Uh…

Me: Are you okay?

Cust: Uh…I…uh…

(This goes on for about a minute, and then I terminate the call.)

Playing coy

Cust: I’d like to place an order (gives her name and ID number).

me: Okay, I have you here. Is that going to (address)?

Cust: I guess so.

Me: You guess so?

Cust: I don’t know.

Me: You are (name)?

Cust: Yes.

Me: And you’re at (address)?

Cust: Uh…I guess.

Me: So that’s where you want the book shipped?

Cust: I guess so.

Me: Do you or do you not want to use that address?

Cust: I don’t know.

Me: Well, I need an address.

Cust: Just use whichever one you have.

Me: (I verify the address again)

Cust: Okay.

Me: So it’s okay so send the book there?

Cust: I don’t know. Maybe.

Just a little Bi-Polar

Cust: Do you have the (book) in software?

Me: In software?

Cust: Is it electronic?

Me: No, I’m afraid not.

Cust: Oh… Well, what are the differences between this current edition and the last one?

Me: There are many changes, and we’ve set up a free tutorial online at —

Cust: Do you have the list of changes in software?

Me: Well, we have them online, yes.

Cust: What’s the difference between this current edition and the last one?

Me: Uh… Well…we have a list of changes online and —

Cust: But it is not electronic?

Me: The list of changes is online. The book is only available in print.

Cust: Then how are we supposed to do it?

Me: Do it?

Cust: (ranting and screaming) THIS IS TERRIBLE! TERRIBLE! GIVE THEM THAT FEEDBACK! THIS IS HORRIBLE THAT YOU DON’T OFFER THIS! (suddenly calm) I want to talk to a supervisor.

You Suck

Customer: Hello, I’d like to change my address.

Me: Okay, I can help you out there. What’s your member number?

Cust: (silence)

Me: Hello?

Cust: Yes?

Me: What’s your member number?

Cust: (silence)

Me: Or I can look you up by name.

Cust: (gives his name)

Me: Okay. And I have the old address as (address).

Cust: (silence)

Me: Is that your old address?

Cust: Yes.

Me: Okay, I can go ahead and take the new address.

Cust: (silence)

Me: The new address is…?

Cust: You probably already have it.

Me: It’s (I read off the address again)?

Cust: No.

Me: Okay.

Cust: (silence)

Me: I can go ahead and take the new address.

Cust: I’m sure you have it already.

Me: We don’t.

Cust: Wow. You suck. (hangs up)