Customer Service Transcripts #5

Confused

Cust: I’m confused.

Me: Okay, how can I help?

Cust: What book belongs to this ISBN? (reads ISBN)

Me: That’s the (title).

Cust: And this ISBN? (reads another ISBN)

Me: That’s (completely different title).

Cust: Are they two different books?

Me: Um…yes.

Cust: I’m confused.

Me: Well…what’s confusing you?

Cust: I don’t understand how they’re two different books.

Me: Well, they are two different titles…

Cust: Are they?

Me: Yes. I just gave you the two different titles.

Cust: I have an instructor who wants these books for her class.

Me: Okay.

Cust: (silence)

Me: So…would you like to order them today?

Cust: I don’t know if she wants both.

Me: Ah. Okay.

Cust: (silence)

Me: So… No order today, then?

Cust: Does she want both?

Me: I’m…afraid I can’t answer for her.

Cust: But what do you think?

Me: I don’t know the instructor or the class. Why don’t you ask her?

Cust: Oh…okay.

This is a Monty Python skit, right?

Cust: I called a couple of hours ago and spoke to someone about an order. I’m wondering if the issue was resolved.

Me: Okay… Well, who was it that you spoke with?

Cust: What?

Me: Who did you speak with?

Cust: I don’t know what you mean.

Me: When you called, who did you speak with?

Cust: What?

Me: Who were you working with?

Cust: I don’t understand you.

Me: Maybe I can help you.

Cust: No. The lady I spoke with has all the information.

Me: Okay, and who was that?

Cust: What?

Me: Who was that lady?

Cust: Which lady?

Me: The one you spoke with.

Cust: I don’t know! A lady! A LAAADY!

E-Waste

Customer: So we have to enter each desk copy request individually online?

Me: Yes.

Cust: I can’t send you a list?

Me: No, they need to be entered online.

Cust: Can I do it on the phone?

Me: No, they need to be entered online.

Cust: But there are 30 instructors!

Me: I’m sorry, but we need each one individually entered online.

Cust: Can I mail them in?

Me: No, they need to be entered online.

Cust: That seems like an awful lot of paperwork.

Me: Um… I’m sorry?

Cust: To do them online. It’s e-waste.

Me: Well, there’s no paperwork if you do them online. Wouldn’t that mean…?

Cust: There are 30 instructors!

Me: Yes, all entered online. It saves paper, actually. It’s a waste if you fax or mail the requests, right?

Cust: Obviously you don’t understand the concept of e-waste! (hangs up)

Landmark Illiterate

Cust: Are you based in Washington, DC?

Me: Yes.

Cust: That’s really neat! I think it’s neat that the Statue of Liberty is open again. I had a great time there before 9/11! Shame it’s gone now…

Me: (stunned silence)

Cust: Well… I wanted to place a book order.

Me: Okay…

(rest of the call is a routine order)