Dr. Arcane never had a chance

I’ve talked about Helena the Hussy of Horror before, and I’m sad that so much time has passed since her second video. But never fear, she’s back now…and better than ever. The third video, pasted below, is a delicious homage sort of thing for Wes Craven’s atrocious Swamp Thing, hailing from the distant and dark 1982.

Oh, I’m being mean. I loved Swamp Thing…when I was eight.

We’re long overdue for a horror hostess of this sort who blurs the lines of reality. The movie is more a part of her own world as opposed to Helena being just another campy horror host giving us a tired review that’s been done again and again. You can better enjoy Helena’s interpretation of the movie than if you were to actually sit down and suffer a full viewing. I don’t care what you say about Adrienne Barbeau’s tits and the quantity of hash you smoked right before the opening sequence, you shouldn’t be able to sit through Swamp Thing and enjoy it.

And speaking of crap movies, the Helena team are on a roll. Next up is the original Friday the 13th. Looking forward to that. Here’s hoping we see plenty more of Helena in the future. And, yes, that may have a double meaning.

The Helena website is right here, where you can join her “harem,” get sucked into her Amazon store, and stare at pictures with your reptilian, predator eyes. I know who you are. I’ve seen you around the playground every afternoon this week.