Sunday Archive XXIII: American Braves, Part Three of Four

Choo Choo Barn vs. Northlandz

As you pull into the town of Strasburg along US30, you enter the most sacred of holy lands for Dutch Country tourists.  The streets fill up in the summer, creating a rough approximation of those scenes from “The Day After” right before the bombs hit. The strip-mall tourist spots of rural America blossom like mushroom clouds from the farmland.  You can go to the Amish pottery barn, the Amish candle barn, Amish restaurants, and so forth.  We’re nearing Intercourse, PA.  We’re in horse-and-buggy country.

Strasburg is a town of tourist stops.  This is where you can take your girlfriend for an Amish buggy ride (I suggest heavy groping and kissing to scandalize 100% of your fellow tourists).  I was attracted to the Strasburg railroad, a giant steam behemoth dragging passenger cars from the 50’s along 45 minutes worth of farmland track.  The fares are based on how comfortable you want your ride to be – molded plastic benches in an open car start at $8.50.  You can also get a restaurant car or ride on “theme trips” such as “The Terror Train”.  For $15.95, “your spirit guide will take you through a montage of unbelievable nocturnal horror”.  Pennsylvania farmland at night – is there a  greater horror?  Well, maybe New Jersey during the day.  Across the street is the high-priced Pennsylvania Railroad Museum, which provides a classy look at the history of rail in the Northeast.  Entry is $12 per person and, if you aren’t a railroad buff, don’t bother.  Our team chose not to ride the train and we turned away from the railroad museum.  We were all feeling a little strung out from our maze adventure.  Donald had regained his senses, Liam seemed to have lost some deep emotional battle and Teresa couldn’t shake the farmyard and cotton candy smell.  I had spiders behind my eyes and several dollars worth of loose change in my brain.  I wanted a frozen daiquiri.

Just before you hit the train station and museum, you’re captured by a tourist-strip of classically oversized proportions.  You can stop here for an All-American burger and some not-quite-Amish honey, but the real attraction is the Choo-Choo Barn.  Geared towards children, the Choo-Choo Barn contains an impressive model railroad.

Before we talk about the Choo-Choo Barn, it  should be noted that  the United States contains the largest model railroad in the world – the semi-famous Northlandz in Flemington, NJ. Housed in a warehouse, it takes nearly 2 hours for a cursory tour of the Northlandz set.  There are miles of track weaving through this warehouse and an entire history of rail plays out before you on three separate gauges. Northlandz is a spellbinding experience for the casual traveler and a profound life-changing event for the model railroader.  I spent nearly 5 hours examining the Northlandz exhibit several years ago – and there are spots where you can literally get lost, dropping down beneath suspended track or rising above valleys and rivers.  You can hole up in a corner and not see a soul for long stretches of time.

The Choo-Choo Barn presents a much smaller model railroad.  There are no stairs or hidden corners, you just walk around a large table.  A quick walk through would take under ten minutes.  For four dollars you pass through heavy velvet curtains and are immediately taken away by the sounds of sirens, trains and music.  With Northlandz in my mind, I anticipated a vast disappointment in the Choo Choo Barn.  Much to my surprise, the Barn seems to have taken a cue from the gaga tourist industry surrounding it. The model is filled with bells and whistles – a circus parade, a veteran’s parade, cut-away sections following spelunkers through a mountain and there’s even a house that catches fire.  Planes spin in the air, children fly kites, and bandstands play for the opening of a baseball game while a player slides into home base.  It’s all a bit too much, actually.

Without question, the house fire is what gathers people.  For 15 minutes, a tight cluster of tourists watched as a model alpine lodge caught fire.  Immediately afterwards, a fire engine screamed out of a nearby firehouse, traveled down the road and spilled out firemen who quickly sprayed water onto the burning home.    Meanwhile, on the streets below, a crane picked up tiny lumps of gravel and deposited them into the back of a dump truck while a streetcar raced through traffic to pick up waiting commuters. This isn’t a train show, it’s a tribute to modeling.  The daily activities of Choo-Choo City are captivating.  To the delight of everyone in the room, the sun slowly set and we were plunged briefly into night – then the city flared with streetlights, houselights and the headlights of racing trains.

As the sun rose again, I found Liam contemplating the most discreet way to derail Thomas the Tank Engine.