Customer Service Transcripts #2
The first one is right here.
Cust: I’d like to check on my subscriptions.
Me: Okay…(I check)… Ah, I don’t see any subscriptions listed.
Cust: That’s because I didn’t get any. Thanks. (Hangs up)
You don’t know who you’re messing with!
Cust: I haven’t received my billing statement and now you’re charging a late fee!
Me: Well, sorry about that, sir. I’m sure we can —
Cust: This is the second year in a row! The second late fee!
Me: Well, is your address…
Cust: What kind of operation are you running there? You’re supposed to be professional!
Me: Sir, I’d be glad to waive the late fee. It’s no problem.
Cust: DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!?!
Me: I —
Cust: I am (edited) and I am listed in Who’s Who in America! I don’t need people like you dropping the ball.
Catch me if you can!
(Customer provides all her personal details, I get into her record, she informs me that she is no longer a student and has her degree and what should she do. I tell her she needs to change her membership status.)
Cust: Why should I step up from student to full member status?
Me: Are you still a student?
Cust: No. I graduated two years ago. I have a PhD.
Me: Are you currently in classes?
Me: Thinking of going back soon?
Me: Then you have to step up to the new level.
Cust: And pay more money?
Cust: Ah-ha! But I graduated two years ago and you haven’t caught me yet!
Cust: I could just stay a student member! Forever!
Me: Okay… (Ah, sweet surrender.)
Cust: I’m going to stay a student member. You’ll never catch me!
Me: Well…now we know what you’re doing, though.
Cust: No you don’t!
Me: You’ve just given me all of your information.
Cust: You won’t do anything. You’re nobody.
Me: I can actually report this.
Cust: You won’t! Because you can’t catch me.
(customer hangs up)
Not Taking Yes for an Answer
Cust: I want my 2008 payment refunded, except for the $50 hardship fee.
Me: Sure! No problem. (I get all relevant info.)
Cust: It’s just hard times right now.
Me: No problem. I’ll take care of this. Will that be all?
Cust: It’s hard times right now.
Cust: You know how it is.
Cust: And I’m out here in Michigan.
Me: Okay. So, I’ll go ahead and take care of this refund.
Cust: Michigan’s really been hit hard.
Cust: People aren’t showing up for appointments and when I try to get money from your insurance group for those missed appointments, they say it’s fraud!!!!
Me: Okay. I’ll get this taken care of.
Cust: If people miss their appointments it’s fraud on THEIR part! NOT MINE!!!
Me: Yes ma’am. I’ll go ahead and take care of this refund for you.
Cust: Nevermind the refund. You can go to hell. (hangs up)
Customer: (wanting to become a member in our pre-online days) Can I apply online?
Me: Unfortunately, for this membership category, we’ll need the application either mailed or faxed to us.
Cust: I can’t mail it, I’m in Mexico.
Me: Well… The mail will still get to us.
Cust: You don’t understand. Mexico doesn’t have mail!
Me: I’m sorry, sir, but I think it does.
Cust: I’m the one living here, and I say it doesn’t!
Me: Well, do you have access to a fax machine?
Me: You can fax it to us then.
Cust: But how do I send the check?
Me: Well… If you want to pay by check, we’ll need it mailed to us.
Cust: But I want to pay by credit card!
Me: Well, then you can include that on the fax.
Cust: But I can’t fax you the check!
Me: I’m sorry, sir. Are you paying by check or credit card?
Cust: Credit card.
Me: Then you can put that information on the fax.
Cust: And the check?
Me: Sir, you’re paying by credit card, correct?
Me: So you don’t need to send a check.
Cust: Then how am I going to pay for the credit card?!
Cust: Could you send a copy of my dues statement out?
Me: Sure! (I get all the relevant details) I can send it out by email. Is your email (edited).
Cust: Yes, but I would prefer that you send it electronically.
Me: Yes… I’m sending it to your email.
Cust: So…you can’t send it electronically?
Me: I can. I’m sending it to your email.
Cust: That is not electronically, sir! You will send it to this address. (gives me another email.)
It’s a Secret
Cust: Yes, I want to order the (free career) brochure.
Me: Okay, that’s a free item, and I can send it out to you. What’s your name and address?
Cust: John (mumbles)
Me: What’s the spelling on that last name?
Me: Um, hello?
Me: What’s the spelling of your last name, sir?
Cust: Oh…oh… Um… Well…
Cust: I’m looking for the (free career) brochure.
Me: Um… Yes, and I can send it out to you, but I need your name and address.
Cust: I need it right now!
Me: Well, the brochure is also online, available for immediate download.
Cust: No, I need it right now!
Me: Yes, you can get it online. Right now.
Cust: That won’t get here in time! Why can’t you send it out?
Me: I’m trying to. What’s your name and address?
Cust: Okay, fine. I’ll call back and ask for someone else. (hangs up)
dang dang dang! my frickin’ head hurts. how do you do it?
Ah, how I do not miss those days, let me count the ways!
If they made a reality TV show featuring your daily dalliances at work, it would surely be a runaway hit!