Customer Service Transcripts #2

The first one is right here.

Fooled You!

Cust: I’d like to check on my subscriptions.

Me: Okay…(I check)… Ah, I don’t see any subscriptions listed.

Cust: That’s because I didn’t get any. Thanks. (Hangs up)

You don’t know who you’re messing with!

Cust: I haven’t received my billing statement and now you’re charging a late fee!

Me: Well, sorry about that, sir. I’m sure we can —

Cust: This is the second year in a row! The second late fee!

Me: Well, is your address…

Cust: What kind of operation are you running there? You’re supposed to be professional!

Me: Sir, I’d be glad to waive the late fee. It’s no problem.

Cust: DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!?!

Me: I —

Cust: I am (edited) and I am listed in Who’s Who in America! I don’t need people like you dropping the ball.

(hangs up)

Catch me if you can!

(Customer provides all her personal details, I get into her record, she informs me that she is no longer a student and has her degree and what should she do. I tell her she needs to change her membership status.)

Cust: Why should I step up from student to full member status?

Me: Are you still a student?

Cust: No. I graduated two years ago. I have a PhD.

Me: Are you currently in classes?

Cust: No.

Me: Thinking of going back soon?

Cust: No.

Me: Then you have to step up to the new level.

Cust: And pay more money?

Me: Yes.

Cust: Ah-ha! But I graduated two years ago and you haven’t caught me yet!

Me: Well…

Cust: I could just stay a student member! Forever!

Me: Okay… (Ah, sweet surrender.)

Cust: I’m going to stay a student member. You’ll never catch me!

Me: Well…now we know what you’re doing, though.

Cust: No you don’t!

Me: You’ve just given me all of your information.

Cust: You won’t do anything. You’re nobody.

Me: I can actually report this.

Cust: You won’t! Because you can’t catch me.

(customer hangs up)

Not Taking Yes for an Answer

Cust: I want my 2008 payment refunded, except for the $50 hardship fee.

Me: Sure! No problem. (I get all relevant info.)

Cust: It’s just hard times right now.

Me: No problem. I’ll take care of this. Will that be all?

Cust: It’s hard times right now.

Me: …okay.

Cust: You know how it is.

Me: Yep.

Cust: And I’m out here in Michigan.

Me: …

Cust: …

Me: Okay. So, I’ll go ahead and take care of this refund.

Cust: Michigan’s really been hit hard.

Me: Okay.

Cust: People aren’t showing up for appointments and when I try to get money from your insurance group for those missed appointments, they say it’s fraud!!!!

Me: Okay. I’ll get this taken care of.

Cust: If people miss their appointments it’s fraud on THEIR part! NOT MINE!!!

Me: Yes ma’am. I’ll go ahead and take care of this refund for you.

Cust: Nevermind the refund. You can go to hell. (hangs up)

Mexico’s Problem

Customer: (wanting to become a member in our pre-online days) Can I apply online?

Me: Unfortunately, for this membership category, we’ll need the application either mailed or faxed to us.

Cust: I can’t mail it, I’m in Mexico.

Me: Well… The mail will still get to us.

Cust: You don’t understand. Mexico doesn’t have mail!

Me: I’m sorry, sir, but I think it does.

Cust: I’m the one living here, and I say it doesn’t!

Me: Well, do you have access to a fax machine?

Cust: Yes…

Me: You can fax it to us then.

Cust: But how do I send the check?

Me: Well… If you want to pay by check, we’ll need it mailed to us.

Cust: But I want to pay by credit card!

Me: Well, then you can include that on the fax.

Cust: But I can’t fax you the check!

Me: I’m sorry, sir. Are you paying by check or credit card?

Cust: Credit card.

Me: Then you can put that information on the fax.

Cust: And the check?

Me: Sir, you’re paying by credit card, correct?

Cust: Yes.

Me: So you don’t need to send a check.

Cust: Then how am I going to pay for the credit card?!

Electronically Speaking…

Cust: Could you send a copy of my dues statement out?

Me: Sure! (I get all the relevant details) I can send it out by email. Is your email (edited).

Cust: Yes, but I would prefer that you send it electronically.

Me: Yes… I’m sending it to your email.

Cust: So…you can’t send it electronically?

Me: I can. I’m sending it to your email.

Cust: That is not electronically, sir! You will send it to this address. (gives me another email.)

It’s a Secret

Cust: Yes, I want to order the (free career) brochure.

Me: Okay, that’s a free item, and I can send it out to you. What’s your name and address?

Cust: John (mumbles)

Me: What’s the spelling on that last name?

Cust: Uh…..

(long silence)

Me: Um, hello?

Cust: Yes.

Me: What’s the spelling of your last name, sir?

Cust: Oh…oh… Um… Well…

(long silence)

Cust: I’m looking for the (free career) brochure.

Me: Um… Yes, and I can send it out to you, but I need your name and address.

Cust: I need it right now!

Me: Well, the brochure is also online, available for immediate download.

Cust: No, I need it right now!

Me: Yes, you can get it online. Right now.

Cust: That won’t get here in time! Why can’t you send it out?

Me: I’m trying to. What’s your name and address?

Cust: Okay, fine. I’ll call back and ask for someone else. (hangs up)