Fountain Code

There’s no point to posting this on the front page, but…

I’m bored to tears and everyone in the forums is talking about Obama.

So the downtown Silver Spring “pedestrian area,” which is also a “fast moving shortcut for cars area” during the week, has lots of nice features. You can pay full price for books at Borders, you can drink Flying Dog at McGinty’s, you can try and choke down that foul shit they sell at Cakelove, and the secret best happy hour in DC is at Eggspectation which is, otherwise, a very gay place. And back before it was cool, Austin Grill had PBR on tap for happy hours, so you could drink 0 worth and actually get a minor buzz.

Most exciting of all is the “interactive fountain.” This is one of those fountains made level with the sidewalk area that shoots water all over the place and is (on-again, off-again) a remarkably dangerous play area for screaming, freaked-out children while their parents sip Starbucks and masturbate or whatever it is neo-yuppies do.

Here’s the fountain during the days when downtown Silver Spring regretted building it and had it roped off (and heavily patrolled).

Garish and horrific, really. But now less cautious minds are in control. The ropes are down and everyone is free to fuck around in the shooting jets of filthy water, with some rules.

The rules are pretty basic: No animals, no oozing medical bandages, no eating or drinking, no…uh…”offensive language.” And a lovely line from the Montgomery County swimming pool regulation code:

Infants/children who are not toilet trained and adults who are incontinent, who wish to enter any pool [or fountain, in this case], must wear a clean diaper or disposable swim diaper covered by separate rubber/vinyl pants, all of which must fit snugly around the legs and waist. If the diaper becomes soiled, this person must leave the pool immediately, and may not return until he/she has taken or been given a soap shower and has been recovered by a new diaper with clean rubber/vinyl pants.

So, yeah, I just wanted to post that. Because Silver Spring has become gentrified imported Yankee Yuppieville and, well, now I have certain images in my head that will make the fountain a constant source of amusement. Especially after 100 PBR’s.