I have a rare free weekend coming up and, as Monday dawns harsh and merciless, I find that I’m irrationally excited about the idea that, come Friday, I’ll be able to come home, take off my pants, go nowhere, do nothing, and not utter a single word for 60 hours.
It’s Election Day kids! I did my usual – vote straight Democrat or, if no party affiliation, then vote for the person with an Irish last name. Sure signs that I was born in the wrong era.
Last weekend was long and exciting. One of those journey of discovery weekends where I hit upon life changing revelations such as: “I’m not able to stay up till 5am three nights in a row and drink two bottles of scotch each day.”
I’ve completely failed at my Two Novels and a Baby project. It had me depressed for a few weeks… But then that feeling passed largely thanks to the main reason I haven’t been able to focus on writing a novel – I work six motherfucking jobs. I have just enough energy to pause outside the […]
I’m a stick shift kid. I’m all about manual. I only drive an automatic now because I received an offer that I couldn’t refuse. I had this little Acura Integra that I bought in 99 and, by 2005, I had put a couple hundred thousand miles on it and it caught on fire because I […]
Why do people always say they’re having “car trouble” when something goes wrong with their automobile? It’s not like when you’re sick you say you’re having “stomach trouble.” You have a fucking disease or infection and things are dire. I don’t have car trouble. I have the fucking Car Flu.
So while all you fuckers are enjoying a three-day weekend, stuffing your faces full of pork byproduct and whacking off to Saving Private Ryan, I’ve got to work in retail, so there will be no architecturally sound emotional outpouring on my part today. Go enjoy your slip and slides, your watermelon relay races, your cousins […]
Revisiting old stories for the Sunday Archives, unearthing the New Testicle after more than a decade, and chopping up my lousy novel for serialization has been a wild experience.
Okay, so I got in a fender bender today and it’s pretty much preoccupied me all day. It was one of those deals where you’re nosing through a stopped line of traffic trying to cross a busy street and you think someone is waving you on but in reality they’re trying to warn you of […]
I’ve managed to avoid three Obama “victory parties” so far. The only thing that scares me more than the Nazis who follow McCain are the wild-eyed armchair liberals who rally around Obama’s “message” of hope and change. Which is how Hitler ran his first campaign, by the way.