Posts Tagged ‘Rants’

Let them eat static

I often go on about how bored I am. And I am. It’s overwhelming, sometimes. Every single aspect of my life is predictable. Like a show you’ve watched a million times. My entire life is Star Trek II on mute while I sprawl on the couch with a midday gin and tonic and mumble the […]

That Place on My Lip That I Keep Biting

I have crooked teeth. People like to point this out all the time in what, I presume, is an attempt to destroy me and make me finally commit to a path of ultimate evil. I suppose, if I had a normal life, I would have had braces when I was a kid. But I didn’t […]

The Pattern

One of the things I struggle with is why I so often go girl crazy. I don’t enjoy relationships, I don’t enjoy sex, I want nothing but to be left alone, and, yet, time and time again, I’ll fall instantly in love with a woman and be willing to trade anything for her.


Like most normal, sane people, I had put high school behind me. The worst years of our lives, really, no matter how much you try to sugarcoat it. When the 20th reunion party planners contacted me, I was a little bit alarmed that (a) 20 years had passed and (b) those fucking assholes found me. […]

False Starts

In college, studying history, I took a class on Nazi propaganda. An entire semester, three and a half hours a week, sitting in a darkened room watching the entire collection of the Goebbels newsreels, from the mid 1930’s right up till the end. The last newsreel to air (presumably to no one) was May 1st, […]

Words of Mass Destruction

When the webpage changed over from to Greatsociety, we added a primitive little forums module. Since then, the forums have been home to a small group of, well, deeply crazy people. Considering that there are only a handful of active members, it’s a surprisingly busy board. By far, the most colorful forum member goes […]


You know who had the perfect life? Mr. Miyagi. The original one. He works in that weird maintenance shed by the Dumpsters, hidden away from all the other apartments. He never seems to have anything to do during the day except work on his hobbies. At night, he walks home to his weird slice of Okinawa-in-exile that’s […]

Social Animals

I have a rare free weekend coming up and, as Monday dawns harsh and merciless, I find that I’m irrationally excited about the idea that, come Friday, I’ll be able to come home, take off my pants, go nowhere, do nothing, and not utter a single word for 60 hours.

Project Mondays

Last weekend was long and exciting. One of those journey of discovery weekends where I hit upon life changing revelations such as: “I’m not able to stay up till 5am three nights in a row and drink two bottles of scotch each day.”