Posts Tagged ‘Rants’

Grief Cycle

There’s been no escaping the post-election freakout. I’ve tried. But everyone’s talking about it…seemingly more than usual. The four stages of jilted liberal grief are just so predictable though.


Stop telling me to get out and vote

First of all, I’m addicted to voting. I think it’s important, I always vote, and I revel in the idea that my little vote is part of a grander, greater voice of potential revolution. At the local level, I vote against judges and council people I don’t fucking know out of pure spite. I write […]


5 minute brain farts or, ‘Saint Cunt of Cuntcutta.’ by Monkey.

Since I discovered ‘The Most Dangerous Writing App Ever’* which isn’t an app but a webpage I have been holding myself to a once-per-week exercise of writing non-stop for five minutes. http://www.themostdangerouswritingapp.com/ *Note, if you stop writing for more than a few seconds you lose all progress Here is entry #1 unedited and purposefully bombastic. […]


Down with the DST

The first time I got a job where I didn’t have to punch a fucking clock, I decided to stop observing Daylight Savings Time. This is harder than it seems, and not for the reason you think. I had to disable the option on half the clocks in the house, and I ended up using […]


Pressure

When I was a kid, I always wanted a barometer. They just seemed so romantic and exciting, you know? It was this antique looking brass dial that sea captain’s had, and all of the old people I knew who were halfway cool had a barometer in their house. People talked about the barometer all the […]


Trumped

What’s wrong you idiots? Trump is the best possible thing that could happen to this country. We need him in the White House! Think about it – everyone in Congress will unite against him. His mere presence will dissolve the two party system and we’ll move into an era of egalitarian utopia as congressmen, senators, […]


The Coach, The Cowboy, and the Monkey

I’m bored and all the news is about Trump, so I’m going to write a long post about something that doesn’t matter to anyone. But I think it’s funny!


Meandering

I didn’t have a post ready today because I’ve been doing all this for-money writing all week and I can’t concentrate on anything. Also, the only thing that I feel compelled to do is post tons of Youtube clips of Bowie singing and Rickman doing a terrible American accent that doesn’t even fool John McClane. […]


The King of Farts

I knew this kid in high school who was obsessed with poop. He’d measure every one of his shits – not just the quantity but the consistency. He’d fish out his turds and analyze them based on a series of parameters and record the progress (if that’s the right word) on a chart. He once […]