The Issues
Like any good American, I’m following the presidential primaries the same way a person pays attention to a bottle rolling down the aisle of the subway car. You know: Please don’t hit my feet and force me to take some …
Valentine Dinner
Dear internet: Everything has changed!
Valentine
I’ve only ever received one valentine card. It was from a girl named Claire in 1996. I think. The 90’s have (thankfully) kind of blurred together. I had harbored my typical brand of unspoken obsession for Claire and, I suppose, …
My TV
Right before the Powers That Be shut down sites like Oink, I was turned onto the magic of TV-Links, which gathered all of the streaming video shit or whatever. Secret techno things happened that produced moving pictures on my computational …
Slave to Love
Thanks to the magic of the internet, I’ve recently had the opportunity to download Slave to Love, a porn flick from 1993 starring Sierra and Brittany O’Connell. Amidst the sea of one off scenes online, it’s always a thrill to …
Passcode
Finally catching up with the 1990’s, my weekend job has decided to become a Wi-Fi hotspot. This is a big deal for them, because my weekend job is with this little non-profit organization that’s run by a dozen housewives and …
Blame it on the rain
In an attempt to help pass the time, and avoid training myself to tolerate the pain required to push needles through the web of my thumb, I decided to measure my average daily caffeine intake. Turns out, I’m sucking down …
Driveaway
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a long distance truck driver. Except without responsibility, city driving, or timelines. I wasn’t against the idea of hauling cargo across the country, I just wanted to pick it up at …
String Theory
I constantly bitch about my day job, which features an endless stream of phone calls from true idiots. People with PhD’s who can’t read, lack basic social abilities, are about as observant as a dead ferret, and tend towards cruelty …
Dream Diary
Last night I dreamed that I was at the mall and there was this huge crowd of folks and, naturally, I went to investigate. Maybe someone had died or something, which is always good for a laugh.