Welcome to Nacholand

I’ve recently become fascinated with the idea of living on the ocean, thanks to an entry at Weburbanist. Permanent residences are currently available on The World, but it’s sort of a lark. “Vacation residences,” they’re called, even though there are long-term live-aboards. So it’s kind of like a floating time-share village.

Weburbanist discusses the Freedom Ship project, which is a little touch of Snow Crash, I think. Though the Freedom Ship people need to work on their advertising. Saying up front that “it is actually nothing more than a big barge” doesn’t quite work. Barges transport trash. I want to live on a ship, motherfuckers!

The cost for living on the barge, which, according to the front page of their site, will hug the shore-line on a year’s-long round the world cruise, is fairly reasonable. 2.5 million for some small suite of apartments? Pricey? Well, you’re constantly on the move, you’re on Orgy Ship, there’s a school, a hospital, a casino, and a 100 acre park. That’s good living.

We’ll not mention that the stock photo on the investor page brings to mind Al-Qaeda, because that’s racist. And I’m not racist.

So, Orgy Ship is funded by Muslim extremists operating out of Sarasota. On board will be 40,000 full-time residents. With staff and crew, 60,000 souls all together. There’s no mention on their page, but that’s a great formula for “micronation” status. And since the folks behind Sealand are bugging out and selling it for over a billion dollars, micronation status isn’t such a stupid thing to do.

By the way, my favorite Micronation was run by Pepsi. Russell Arundel, the founder and chairman of the Pepsi Cola Company, declared himself “prince of princes” and took over a tiny, “uncharted” island off the coast of Nova Scotia, calling it the “Principality of Outer Baldonia.” He actually had 69 subjects, as well, and became involved in a minor war with the Soviet Union. The Soviets backed down, but only after a challenge from the Outer Baldonian fishing fleet.

Arundel’s “Declaration of Independence” began:

That fishermen are a race alone. That fishermen are endowed with the following inalienable rights: The right to lie and be believed. The right of freedom from question, nagging, shaving, interruption, women, taxes, politics, war, monologues, care and inhibitions. The right to applause, vanity, flattery, praise and self-inflation. The right to swear, lie, drink, gamble and silence. The right to be noisy, boisterous, quiet, pensive, expensive and hilarious. The right to choose company and the right to be alone. The right to sleep all day and stay up all night.

Not kidding. Look it up. And remember it well whenever you drink a Pepsi.

I’ve always wanted to start a micronation. But none of this passive loophole stuff like Sealand. I want to go to the next level – Start a micronation 1776 style. Small volunteer army, strike against the weak points, fade into the Pine Barrens, terror attacks on supply lines, hide in the swamp, mass murder on Christmas morning. If it’s good enough for the US of A, it’s good enough for Nacholand.

Don’t laugh. I’m fighting for your freedom.