Boble III: The Two of Sam, part three

Chapter Three
“In Which Dil Takes Over”

Radio Free Dil started broadcasting on the 12th of May in the year of our… Um… The year 5467 JU (6754 FG, 7654 KS, 13:25 Atlantis North time, Sunday the 9th of July Lemuria time). It was run by Chico “Vasquez” Villa Loba del Santino. Chico was Dil’s army organizer and “angry brown companion.” Not to suggest further homosexual acts, but Dil had developed a taste for Latinos. It was the food that did it…spicy, hot. Brutal burning as the flames bit into…

So Chico broadcast from the badlands border, touting the glories of Dil to all that had a crystal set. The people began to become convinced that Dil was the way to go, and the time was soon right for revolution.

Dil returned to the city in a triumphant crowd of well-wishers. His troops spread throughout the key military and civilian locations. Saw’s troops were crippled, and it looked as if Dil would take power.

Meanwhile, In Bob Heavens (where there is NaughtyGrrl(tm) sausage) BOB’s adjutant angel slipped into the “Imperial Bed Chambers.”

“Um…boss?”

“Call me Imperator, worm!” BOB cried from the bed.

The chambers were huge, the size of a city block. They were empty, except for one gigantic bed.  Upon that bed, BOB had tied a redheaded peppermint flavoured angel to four stakes so that she was spread-eagled, her ass in the air. Her red hair had been tied into two pig tails, and her engorged pepperminty goodness was being massaged by the great deity.

“My Lord Imperator, Heathen King of the Western Pale and Master of the Dark Knights, may I have a word?” the adjutant angel growled sourly, averting his eyes from the redheaded angel-minx.

“What is it worm?”

The angel cleared his throat, “A plague has struck Antara 3, and – “

“You dare come to my chamber for business?” BOB asked, “Begone worm!  Away!” BOB shouted, and the adjutant angel quickly scurried from the room.

The luscious redheaded angel craned her neck, looking awkwardly at the great BOB. “I’ve been a bad girl, daddy…”

“You bet you have you cheap whore,” BOB replied, “Daddy is disgusted.”

“I spilled daddy’s milk.  I’m sorry….”

BOB slapped her ass as hard as he could, leaving a bright red mark, “You’re a dirty girl!”

“I’m a naughty girl!”

“A dirty girl!” BOB unleashed his greatness.  Fade to black.

Dil’s troops were in position, and so the child-king approached the imperial palace. Taking the palace was easy, for the guards – weary of Saw’s wicked perversions – were glad to let Dil cross the threshold. Saw was defeated.  In order for Saw not to foil future plans, Dil had the former king stripped of all his clothes and released in the red light district.

It was at this time that Sammy died. You remember Sammy, right?  Oh, and by the way, Dil also killed some giant called Googolplex…or something.  Rumor has it that he had to use a large kazoo filled with pebbles, but Dil seems to ignore these rumors…

Dil, in his happiness, wrote a song and sung it over the P.A.. In later years, the song would be analyzed by Bobologists and psychiatrists alike. See if you reach the same conclusion as they:

“Down to hell, I sent Saw.  Ha, ha, ha!
I’ll send any of you if you disobey me.
It hurts me to see people starving.
Shame I’m too busy with my turkey, carving.
(Chorus: Giggle insanely)
God BOB gave me my power.
Oh you, I am a tower.
Do you see my flower?
(Chorus: Snakes, snakes, get ’em offa me!!)

There was no theme, and the words were just spoken in a strange type of chant. Yes, Dil was in power all right.

Dil became king of all the lands and ruled with authority and power.  He created soup lines for his Hebos, and laced the soup pots with downers.  Thus the kingdom did little against him. So it can be said, from the official viewpoint, that everyone lived happily ever after.