{"id":84,"date":"2008-05-12T10:00:42","date_gmt":"2008-05-12T15:00:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/?p=84"},"modified":"2018-10-31T12:46:41","modified_gmt":"2018-10-31T16:46:41","slug":"terror-alert-wage-slave-kills-for-muskrat-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/?p=84","title":{"rendered":"Terror Alert: Wage Slave Kills for Muskrat Love"},"content":{"rendered":"

Cold and rainy Monday. <\/span>I haven\u2019t even clocked in yet, and I\u2019ve still heard the inevitable. <\/span>Not a bad day to work! <\/span>Glad to be inside! <\/span>Warm and dry in here!<\/p>\n


\nReally? <\/span>Maybe I\u2019d consider the office to be warm and dry if, say, I lived here. <\/span>But I left my infinitely more comfortable apartment to get here. <\/span>Wouldn\u2019t you rather be at home in bed? <\/span>Or in your living room sipping coffee and relaxing? <\/span>It\u2019s gloomy, it\u2019s 45 degrees, it\u2019s been raining hard for 24 hours. <\/span>I\u2019m to be thankful that I had to drag myself out of bed at 6am and go out into this shit? <\/span>Trudging to the bus stop through standing water ankle deep, waiting for the bus, crowding onto it with steamy, coughing, shuddering, leprous people. <\/span>Trying not to pass out in the airless tube of death as the bus driver fights traffic for an hour. <\/span>Walk to the evil Metro, which is delayed because the tracks are wet and a butterfly flapped its wings in <\/st1>Argentina<\/st1>. <\/span>Another well-packed, overheated tube of death\u2026with the too loud PA system screaming incoherently. <\/span>Walk to the office, more standing water, buffeted by wind, the rain coming sideways and upwards and every which way. <\/span>All to sit here in a dark, windowless cell for eight hours being nattered at and insulted by simple people.\n<\/p>\n

Yeah, warm and dry. <\/span>Whatever. <\/span>I could have slept for another couple of hours, moved to the couch and watched the rain while nursing some truly excellent coffee. <\/span>Could have leisurely eaten a full breakfast. <\/span>Read a book, watched a show, did some chores, furthered my life in some way. <\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been on that kick, lately. <\/span>Well, for a few years now. <\/span>But it\u2019s seemed to be a bit more in my face the last few weeks. <\/span>Nothing I do at either of my jobs does anything for me or my fellow people. I am 100% a mindless wage slave drone. <\/span>And expected to be grateful for that, and the heavily taxed pennies that I make. <\/span>I think I\u2019d feel better if my bosses shrugged and told the truth: <\/span>Yeah, it\u2019s useless, but it\u2019s a paycheck. <\/span><\/p>\n

Is it groupthink that makes supervisors act like the job is the end-all, be-all? <\/span>Or is it some sort of training thing? <\/span>Like in school, when they show the wildly outdated and unrealistic educational films. <\/span>Zinc and You<\/em>, STD and You<\/em>, Safe Driving and You<\/em>, Supervising Idiots at a Shit-Swilling Job and You<\/em>. <\/span><\/p>\n

There is a disheartening similarity to the language used by supervisors. <\/span>I hear it at every job. <\/span>Recited from one of those films, no doubt. <\/span>The constant bravado. <\/span>Welcome to the machine, team member, it\u2019s really great here! <\/span>No, we can\u2019t afford raises this year, because the outgoing CEO is due a multi-billion dollar retirement package. <\/span>I expect the reports on my desk in 13 minutes!<\/p>\n

No wonder we\u2019ve become a pill culture. <\/span><\/p>\n

I shouldn\u2019t complain, though, because being a pill culture is much better than being a detergent suicide culture. <\/span>But the thing is, I understand what those Rising Sun crazies are up to. <\/span>Mass suicides using household chemicals? <\/span>Yeah, there are times I entertain such thoughts. <\/span>Not that I\u2019m brave enough to kill myself. <\/span>My snap and go crazy plan involves a gun purchase and a clock tower. <\/span>Though there aren\u2019t many clock towers near my apartment, so that\u2019s a pain. <\/span><\/p>\n

I figure, if it comes down to it, shooting up a schoolbus is much better than death by detergent. <\/span>However that works. <\/span>Apparently it\u2019s not like the classic drinking Drano thing. <\/span>You have to be a chemist. <\/span>CNN plays it coy \u2013 mix the detergent with \u201cother chemicals\u201d to produce hydrogen sulfide gas. <\/span>Sounds fun! <\/span>Why not tell us what the other chemicals are? <\/span>It\u2019s not like kids are going to go out and do it. <\/span>Hey, Chucky, CNN posted this great way to commit suicide! <\/span>We can stop standing on the train tracks now!<\/p>\n

Actually, kids probably will go out and do it. <\/span>But that\u2019s something I would file under \u201cpopulation control.\u201d <\/span>If stupid farm kids read CNN, then huff hydrogen sulfide, good for them. <\/span>That\u2019s more buxom farm girls for me. <\/span>Yeah, baby, rake that hay!<\/p>\n

Trying to find the mix was hard. <\/span>At least, the two minute Wikipedia search that I conducted was fruitless. <\/span>But I did finally find a reference. <\/span>Turns out that this \u201cdetergent\u201d is in a common shampoo, and mixed with the usual sort of bleach\/ammonia thing it lets off super death gas. <\/span>And here I\u2019ve been spoon feeding myself Tide! <\/span>What a waste. <\/span><\/p>\n

Whoever is making the shampoo probably should have taken a hint from the scientific community, who used the same detergent to kill AIDS and HPV. <\/span>The shampoo contains sodium sulfate and, back in 99, was all the rage as a potential cure. <\/span>But, then, it\u2019s also highly toxic and, you know, kills you. <\/span>Or whatever.<\/p>\n

All in all \u2013 boring! <\/span>What kind of suicide is that? <\/span>Japan, listen to me \u2013 find a clocktower. <\/span>Get a rifle. <\/span>Suicide by cop. <\/span>Aim for jocks and cheerleaders. <\/span>And leave a video on Youtube that barely makes sense. <\/span>If it were me, the suicide video would be all about how I wanted to avenge the Grey Fluted Muskrat that lives in the Sierras or something. <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Cold and rainy Monday. I haven\u2019t even clocked in yet, and I\u2019ve still heard the inevitable. Not a bad day to work! Glad to be inside! Warm and dry in here!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,13],"tags":[400],"class_list":["post-84","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-rants","category-wage-slave","tag-wage-slave"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/84","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=84"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/84\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1162,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/84\/revisions\/1162"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=84"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=84"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=84"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}