{"id":78,"date":"2008-04-29T16:56:49","date_gmt":"2008-04-29T21:56:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/?p=78"},"modified":"2018-10-31T12:44:18","modified_gmt":"2018-10-31T16:44:18","slug":"creamy-topping","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/?p=78","title":{"rendered":"Creamy Topping"},"content":{"rendered":"

Oh! An internal memo! <\/span>That\u2019s good, because our computers are too slow to properly play episodes of MacGyver<\/em> at CBS.com. <\/span>While I can spend hours patting myself on the back for singlehandedly slowing down the system, there\u2019s still lots of time to kill in the day. <\/span>What better way then to turn all my efforts on what has become the Pie Chart Puzzle?<\/p>\n

<\/o>
\nHere\u2019s the memo:<\/p>\n

\n

Based on the coffee\/tea usage numbers (see attached chart) the Sumatra Coffee and the Chai Tea selections supplied will be replaced with two (2) sustainable trade brand coffees and teas. There were two coffees and three teas that met the pricing point needed for the swap, and the lowest usage product of each one was selected. The sustainable trade coffee selection will be Kenyan Dawn, a medium aromatic full-bodied coffee. The sustainable trade tea selection will be Malawi Garden Tea, a flowery medium- to full-bodied tea. The sustainable trade products being introduced will support a cooperative of over 2,500 farmers in local communities where these products are grown. Purchases of these products go directly to the communities and positively affect the future for the local farmers and their families. While we regret not being able to carry the two products being replaced, the pricing points on the replacement products necessitate that two lesser used, but similarly priced products be dropped to support this move.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

It\u2019s really cool that we\u2019re going to get two (2) sustainable trade brand coffees and single handedly save 2500 (2500) farmers (slaves). <\/span>I\u2019m a little concerned that these farmers are members of the notorious Kenyan Dawn movement. <\/span>Or is Kenyan Dawn the name of the coffee? <\/span>You, my dear readers, must decide: <\/span>Terrorist organization running wild in the wilderness or sustainable coffee farmed by marked-for-death \u201cfarmer\u201d types?<\/p>\n

If I ran a terrorist organization, though, there are two things I would insist on: <\/span>First, we\u2019d be river pirates. <\/span>Second, we\u2019d be called <\/st1>Malawi<\/st1> Gardens<\/st1>. <\/span>Not in honor of the tea in the memo, mind you. <\/span>I\u2019d pick the name because, man, land on <\/st1>Malawi<\/st1> Gardens<\/st1> when I have two hotels on it. <\/span>I dare you. <\/span>I\u2019ll clean you out, bitch. <\/span><\/p>\n

The real joy is the attached chart. <\/span>Ready? <\/span>Here it goes:<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/o><\/p>\n

So, let\u2019s review. <\/span>The three flavors on that chart that seem to vie for the most attention are the ones which will be discontinued in favor of the free trade bullshit. <\/span>One of the three will survive and, to spoil the game, we know which one: <\/span>The Intense Dark Roast. <\/span>Or \u201cRst,\u201d which is Russian Standard Time.<\/p>\n

Though the Intense Dark Roast is the second most expensive, it\u2019s going to stick around. <\/span>Instead, the cheaper Sumatra<\/st1> (which, by the way, tastes better) gets taken off the list.<\/p>\n

We also get to see that the weird shit \u2013 Jasmine Green Tea and Blueberry Balance \u2013 are extraordinarily expensive. <\/span>But judging from the violent defense of those flavors in today\u2019s staff meeting, they\u2019ve been wisely passed over. <\/span><\/p>\n

Nobody is quite clear on what the numbers indicate. <\/span>Yearly, I suppose. <\/span>The percentage must be consumption. <\/span>So nine percent of us are regularly sucking down that filthy Creamy Topping.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/o><\/p>\n

In theory, you\u2019re supposed to use the Creamy Topping (ingredients unknown) to top off your coffee and make a cappuccino. <\/span>What comes out is sticky white nastiness that sort of goes all Andromeda Strain on the coffee. <\/span>If, indeed, it\u2019s coffee that comes out of those goddamned bags. <\/span>I know that the \u201cChoco\u201d is about as far from Chocolate as you can get. <\/span>But, then, so is Hershey\u2019s syrup, so I don\u2019t know why I complain.<\/p>\n

With Creamy Topping and Choco leading the way, though, do the Powers That Be really think staff can comprehend the idea of fancy coffee?<\/p>\n

Apparently, the Kenyan Dawn coffee comes from the Ndumberi Estate, which went into bankruptcy and was liquidated in 2007. <\/span>Flavia moved in shortly before the liquidation. <\/span>While trying to figure out more of what, exactly, the scam is, I ran across a cute little article detailing the 100 beheadings that went on in the neighboring Ndumberi village last year. <\/span>Perhaps that\u2019s what you do to your accounting staff after you go out of business and get bought out by robber barons from the <\/st1>UK<\/st1> instant coffee industry? <\/span>Or maybe that\u2019s where Creamy Topping and Choco comes from \u2013 the ground up flesh and bones of Flavia Corporation\u2019s slave laborers.<\/p>\n

In the days before Flavia-sponsored mass beheadings, the estate was owned by a coffee company called Valentine, which spent much of the 90\u2019s and early 2000\u2019s killing all of the landholders and creating the massive coffee plantation that would later provide the \u201cluxury\u201d product soon to hit our breakroom. <\/span>Originally, the land was owned by those local farmers. <\/span>But since they\u2019ve all been ground up, I don\u2019t know how it works today. <\/span>Maybe we\u2019ll be supporting the 2500 abandoned tenements spread throughout the estate. <\/span>For just pennies a day, you can feed the wild dogs and feral children who roam the estate \u2013 constantly dodging the unforgiving guns of the Flavia Security Patrol. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Oh! An internal memo! That\u2019s good, because our computers are too slow to properly play episodes of MacGyver at CBS.com. While I can spend hours patting myself on the back for singlehandedly slowing down the system, there\u2019s still lots of …<\/p>\n

Creamy Topping<\/span> Read More »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[400],"class_list":["post-78","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-wage-slave","tag-wage-slave"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/78","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=78"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/78\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1171,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/78\/revisions\/1171"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=78"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=78"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=78"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}