Thanks to the so-called snowpocalypse, I\u2019ve had a six day weekend and counting as the snow continues to fall.\u00a0 Outside my window right now, we\u2019re at whiteout conditions.\u00a0 Public transportation is shut down, and the only way to survive is to polish off the last of the rum for breakfast and have a few toaster strudels.<\/p>\n
\nPersonally, I\u2019m glad for the holiday.\u00a0 I don\u2019t care if the world needs to fall into Hades, I\u2019ll do anything for a day off.\u00a0 And blizzard conditions are the best sort of conditions for an unplanned mid-week holiday.\u00a0 Nobody\u2019s out there.\u00a0 Everything has stopped.\u00a0 No mailmen, no smokers, no weird neighbors standing beneath my window and staring up at me like Pod People.\u00a0 No loud trucks or speeding cars. It\u2019s a wasteland out there.\u00a0 Truly a snowpocalypse.\u00a0 Or \u201csnowmageddon,\u201d as Obama calls it.\u00a0 These old white men we elect to be President are so out of it!<\/p>\n
Oh, wait!\u00a0 My fault.\u00a0 Obama isn\u2019t an old white man toeing the line.\u00a0 It\u2019s confusing sometimes.<\/p>\n
One thing I hate is how the Post (and the, perhaps misquoted, director of the Office of Personnel Management) go on and on about the cost of a snow day.\u00a0 Allegedly, it costs the taxpayers 0 million to close the government for a day.\u00a0 Which\u2026doesn\u2019t really make sense.\u00a0 Remember when the government used to save the budget, in those olden days of the 80\u2019s and 90\u2019s, by shutting down for a few days?\u00a0 How can both scenarios be possible?\u00a0 Just generally speaking, wouldn\u2019t having all those buildings go quiet for the day save money?\u00a0 Lights and computers off, thermostats turned down?\u00a0 I would think that alone would save<\/em> taxpayers 100 million a day.<\/p>\n Or is it $100 million in lost labor?\u00a0 Because that\u2019s not true, either.\u00a0 Are Federal employees not allowed to have smartphones, PDA\u2019s, or laptops?<\/p>\n Last I heard, Obama wanted government workers \u2013 in his dream world \u2013 to go 50\/50 with telecommuting.\u00a0 Many of my government worker friends are already forced to stay home as part of the \u201cgo green initiative.\u201d The FDA has put everybody on a four day week, with one day telecommuting.\u00a0 And \u201cclosed\u201d is not really closed, you know.\u00a0 Those government worker friends of mine who have already begun telecommuting have all been tapped to work from home, despite that closed status. OPM has written such stipulations into the status message, as well.\u00a0 They say:<\/p>\n Telework employees may be expected to work from their telework sites, as specified in their telework agreements.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n So\u2026 everything\u2019s the same.\u00a0 The work is going on, as it normally does. The buildings are quiet.\u00a0 I really don\u2019t see where the $100 million cost is coming from.\u00a0 Except, of course, the diseased American work ethic.\u00a0 We can\u2019t possibly have a six day weekend because the fucking Zoloft will wear off and we\u2019ll kill each other\u2026 Which will cost $100 million a day because the police have to commandeer plows to get into the neighborhoods so they can shoot us if we\u2019re having a snowball fight.<\/p>\n Here\u2019s an idea:\u00a0 Close for the week and let\u2019s all have fun.\u00a0 Get to know our neighbors.\u00a0 Abuse Netflix Watch Instantly.\u00a0 Read a motherfucking book, you illiterate cunts.\u00a0 Enjoy yourselves!\u00a0 And if the taxpayer is getting stuck with a bill\u2026well, at least it\u2019s not a bill for a drone that accidentally shot up an orphanage in Afghanistan.\u00a0 I think $100 million for a day off is worth every penny.<\/p>\n But who am I?\u00a0 I\u2019m drinking rum at 7am.<\/p>\n