I was very drunk, if you’re curious.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The Exploits Of The Apostles<\/strong>\n<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Introduction:<\/strong><\/p>\n I liked Captain Kirk better.\u00a0 I mean, he was cool!\u00a0 He was an asshole!\u00a0 Picard isn’t an asshole…he’s an okay guy.\u00a0 But, man, if you crossed Kirk, you got a phaser beam up your ass…or he just simply beamed himself back to the ship and blew your planet up.\u00a0 I mean, really.\u00a0 You don’t see Riker and Crusher on the verge of punching each other out, do you?\u00a0 Spock and McCoy…now there was entertainment.\u00a0 I mean, very little stopped McCoy from jamming a syringe full of shampoo into Spock’s neck.<\/p>\n So, you’re about 30 pages through The New Testicle.\u00a0 How do you like it?\u00a0 I hope you do.\u00a0 You’d better.\u00a0 If you don’t, then shut up.\u00a0 I’m sick and tired of you.\u00a0 I’m sitting here listening to a 40 minute loop of the Gilligan’s Island theme song…I’m feeling a little psychotic right now.<\/p>\n As the exploits were translated, there were a few problems.\u00a0 You see, since nobody could understand the old Hebos’ writings like Dr. Herman `The Hedgehog’ Aquarius, we’ve had to make up many things.\u00a0 You know…read the Sanskrit backwards and guess what the hell it’s saying.<\/p>\n “{Insert Line of Gibberish Here}”<\/p>\n And we would translate that as: “So the bitch lied and her kneecap crawled up into her stomach and sliced her innards to death.”\u00a0 Is that an accurate guess?\u00a0 No?\u00a0 Well, I don’t care.\u00a0 Blow me.<\/p>\n Alright there’s your introduction!\u00a0 HAPPY?!\u00a0 I hope you are.\u00a0 I know that I’ve just spent a month writing three identical stories about Bob Jr,<\/p>\n Chapter 1<\/strong><\/p>\n Before, we dealt with everything Bob Jr did and taught until he got himself killed.\u00a0 Then he appeared to his apostles and convinced them that they should go out and die too.\u00a0 So the apostles, thinking this over, sat in a sauna and discussed the situation.\u00a0 They were in the company of many women, who performed oral feats and {insert sex fantasy here} repeatedly until the apostles had no more lubricant left within their holy dinks.<\/p>\n At one point during these days of dink lubricant, Pain stood up and said unto the brothers, “My dink is so dry!”<\/p>\n So Pain looked amongst the brothers, dinks hanging out all of them.\u00a0 He said unto them, “We must find a new dink!\u00a0 As scripture has it, dinked long ago, there must be twelve dry, blue, dinks.\u00a0 So I have chosen Dinkias as our new number twelve!”<\/p>\n And there was much dinking.<\/p>\n Transcript from Jackson, M as follows:<\/p>\n Martha Jackson Dear Werdna, Boble Purveyor:<\/p>\n I have been a fan of your perverse and feeble attempts at literature for the past ten years.\u00a0 However, I can no longer deny myself the truth that you are a total loser.\u00a0 After reading your Boble, I was stunned at the repeated use of the word \u2018dink\u2019 in a manner which suggested that the apostles had \u2018penises\u2019.\u00a0 I know that they, being men, may have had a penis of some sort.\u00a0 But to slander such holy individuals by having their wet, hard, dinks hanging out of their pants was repulsive!\u00a0 Obviously your youth and radical beliefs have corrupted and burnt away your mind – leaving a filthy, dink-infested hole.\u00a0 You dink, you!\u00a0 I tell you, I’m going to mass right now!\u00a0 I’m burning your Boble!\u00a0 I can’t believe in this!\u00a0 Good Lord, you maladjusted son of a bitch!<\/p>\n Enclosed is my check for thirty dollars.\u00a0 Please send me The Red Sea Scrolls and The BOB Prayer Book.\u00a0 Thank you.<\/p>\n A Good Non-Contradictory Christian Type Individ\u00adu\u00adal,<\/p>\n Martha Jackson<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Suddenly, as they sat in the sauna (we\u2019re back to the story now), steam came forth from the rocks.\u00a0 In itself, this was no peculiar event.\u00a0 But the steam was a bright purple.\u00a0 The purple seemed to reflect the light, creating purple shadows…or, perhaps, creating some form of light on a spectrum which normal Human eyes could not possibly perceive.\u00a0 The purple tongues of steam rose up, and encircled each of the apostle\u2019s dinks.\u00a0 And the apostles suddenly knew what they had to do: Go forth unto the heathen dinks and teach the good news of BOB unto them.\u00a0 At which point, they will all die very painful deaths.\u00a0 Yes, it seemed like a valid proposal.<\/p>\n The apostles, however, doubted.<\/p>\n “How do we know this word came from Bob Jr?” they asked.\u00a0 No one was sure, Nohj had been over in the corner smoking something and playing with his dink.\u00a0 In fact, a majority of the steam in the room wasn’t steam – it was the soft, effervescent glow of the smoke of whatever Nohj was smoking.\u00a0 Frankly, the apostles were having a damn hard time remembering their own names.<\/p>\n Thomas Howard Dear Sir,<\/p>\n I would like to thank you for your constant outflow of creativity.\u00a0 When I have read the works brought forth from your company unto us, I have become, quite honestly, aroused.\u00a0 The whole Purple Publica\u00adtions\/BOB thing has been marvelous!\u00a0 Keep up the good work!\u00a0 I’m so glad that you have sunk hundreds of dollars into the publishing of half-witted material.\u00a0 Sorry… I’ve been reading The Land of Scum too much.<\/p>\n Your writing style is marvelous, your cohorts are wonderful\u00adly devious, and you are excellent with your `I’ve sold out but I’m still pretty damn talented’ personality.\u00a0 I’m sorry that the girls never date you!\u00a0 Boy, what are they missing out on, eh?\u00a0 I mean…you’re handsome!\u00a0 You’re six foot two, 145 pounds, blond hair, green eyes!\u00a0 You have nice skin…and a cute ass (ahem).\u00a0 You’re not too thin, and you have long legs.\u00a0 No facial blemishes whatsoever, and you wear cool glasses.\u00a0 You don’t look like a nerd…gosh… If only the girls would get into your hip culture, man!\u00a0 I fucking LOVE you!\u00a0 You’re the cheese, do you know that?!\u00a0 You are absolutely the fucking cheese!<\/p>\n With my balls on your chin, And so they devoted themselves to community life (The apostles.\u00a0 From the story before that letter.), put their dinks back where they belonged, and went forth unto the world to preach of Bob Jr.\u00a0 Yuck…Pain just burped up that damn Mexican dinner he had at the cafeteria. “Help a poor, dying man…” the cripple breathed.<\/p>\n Pain grinned, “I have no money to give unto you.\u00a0 But I will give you something else:\u00a0 In the name of Bob Jr, stand up and walk!”<\/p>\n And so the cripple stood up, and could walk as any other man.\u00a0 He began jumping around and shouting out.\u00a0 The crowds in the temple saw this, and they were floored.\u00a0 I mean, they just didn’t know what the hell to make out of this one – mainly because the cripple had no legs.\u00a0 The crowd rushed in and surrounded the three men, and Pain said unto them, “Why are you so surprised?\u00a0 Our BOB, the BOB of Abrahamilton, the BOB of all our people, gave power unto his servant Bob Jr to perform such miracles.\u00a0 The same Bob Jr which all you bastards killed.\u00a0 Are you happy?\u00a0 You losers.”<\/p>\n And so Pain and Nohj and the cripple were brought before the priests.\u00a0 The priests asked them:<\/p>\n “What the hell is going on?”<\/p>\n And Pain replied, “We are the servants of Bob Jr, and -”<\/p>\n “Christ…” the priests mumbled, “we can’t get rid of that dinkhead!”<\/p>\n So they (T) looked at the three, and passed their judgement.\u00a0 Pain (1) was killed right there (the X marks physical abuse).\u00a0 The cripple’s (2) imaginary legs were snapped, and his brain removed (the X marks physical abuse).\u00a0 And Nohj (3) was run out of town with the threat that his Dink would be removed if ever he was seen again (the O marks verbal abuse).\u00a0 Nohj then ran to the rest of the apostles, and they all broke off and journeyed to other lands (the Y marks the RESULT of X and O). So this dates and ends the first Chapter of Exploits.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I was very drunk, if you’re curious.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[55],"tags":[115,116],"class_list":["post-509","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-boblehub-20","tag-boble","tag-new-testicle"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/509","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=509"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/509\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":780,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/509\/revisions\/780"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=509"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=509"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=509"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n2467 Rehobeth Street
\n`Manchester England England Across The Atlantic Sea’<\/p>\n
\n38 Mandlebrat Way
\nLos Lunas, New Mexico
\n87801<\/p>\n
\nTom<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
\nOne day, Pain and Nohj were going to find Carnel Sue, who not only gave free dink rubs, but also supplied Nohj with the ‘shrooms he desperately needed to write his `glorious idea’.\u00a0 As they approached the Libyan Tent of Disbelief, they were stunned that a cripple had been left to die outside the gates.\u00a0 Pain and Nohj affixed the cripple with their purple-reflective sunglasses.<\/p>\n
\nSo: T + X + X + O = Y
\nT + X2 + O = Y
\n100n = 57.45 A.D.
\n–
\nn = 00.45 A.D.
\n———————–
\nY = A.D. 57<\/p>\n