\u00a0Oh, god.\u00a0 Here’s the rest of this shit. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at it.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
CHAPTER 4<\/p>\n
So Bob Jr travelled to Lawson’s, and picked up some water.\u00a0 He took the water to the register, and the lady there said, “I am not she who is worthy to ring up this wa\u00adter, teacher.\u00a0 Take it…on the house.”<\/p>\n
And Bob Jr gave her a hun\u00addred bucks and said, “Nothing’s free, babe.”<\/p>\n
So, once his thirst was ful\u00adfilled, Bob Jr returned once more to Chevy Chase, and was approached by a congressman.<\/p>\n
“My son is ill!”\u00a0 he said, and begged Bob Jr to heal his son.<\/p>\n
So Bob Jr went and healed the congressman’s son.\u00a0 But, secretly, Bob Jr implanted a small device in the child’s mind.\u00a0 The child would grow to become president, at which point the word of BOB would be auto\u00admatically preached to ev\u00aderyone in the world.<\/p>\n
CHAPTER 5<\/p>\n
Now, on a great Hebo feast day, Bob Jr went into Bethesda.\u00a0 There he ventured to the Na\u00adtional Naval Medi\u00adcal Center and cured the multitudes of sick.\u00a0 He then crossed the street and went into the National Insti\u00adtutes of Health and freed the animals im\u00adprisoned there, pro\u00adviding the angry scientists with artificial cures for the unknown ailments.\u00a0 And, so, the world saw of Bob Jr’s great\u00adness.<\/p>\n
But, because Bob Jr did such things on holidays, he was perse\u00adcuted.\u00a0 Kinkmaster Kiaphas konstantly wrote disapproving editorials to The City Paper.<\/p>\n
But Bob Jr simply said, “I can do nothing alone.\u00a0 I must have tons of people surrounding me…you know, secret service, assistants, women, all those things.\u00a0 Is that so wrong?\u00a0 Can I not be the king of kings and your messiah if I happen to be sur\u00adrounded by government offi\u00adcials and won’t relate any of my drug-abusing past to you?\u00a0 I mean, really… So I slept with Veronica Weathers!\u00a0 So what!?\u00a0 I’m allowed to!\u00a0 I’m single.\u00a0 I mean, really.\u00a0 This abuse is just too much…”<\/p>\n
And that, right there, was misquoted to the public – and, even\u00adtually, became Bob Jr’s downfall.<\/p>\n
So Bob Jr said unto his apos\u00adtles, “Witness my mighty Bobliness and remember.\u00a0 I am with BOB.\u00a0 Pass on this word.\u00a0 Tell everyone you see.”<\/p>\n
CHAPTER 6<\/p>\n
Later that day, a vast crowd of people gathered to\u00adgether at The Mall, and Bob Jr stood up above them on a park bench.\u00a0 They were all the star\u00adving, insane, gibbering masses of the city.\u00a0 Bob Jr saw this, and asked his apostles to bring unto him a soda and a peanut butter sandwich.\u00a0 He then asked the apostles to hand out the items to everyone in the crowd.\u00a0 The apostles did not believe, but after they had handed the soda and the PB sandwich out to everyone in the crowd, they were stunned that it was more than enough!\u00a0 And, still, there was enough food left over to have another party in Arling\u00adton! It was spiffy as hell!<\/p>\n
Bob Jr then went out on a boat with his apostles into the Chesa\u00adpeake.\u00a0 And a great storm hit.\u00a0 The apostles feared and wetted themselves, but Bob Jr simply woke up and threatened the hell out of the sky.\u00a0 Well, for fear of having the blue whupped out of it, the skies calmed.<\/p>\n
Bob Jr took a nap, mutter\u00ading, “I solemnly assure you…” over and over like an old man.<\/p>\n
And so Kinkmaster Kiaphas plot\u00adted and seethed, awaiting Bob Jr to skrew up.\u00a0 The weak points were all drawn out on the chalkboard.\u00a0 He put on his TeeVee Tunes tape and whacked off solemnly (I assure you) to the theme song of Dallas.<\/p>\n
Finally, Bob Jr screwed up one final time.\u00a0 He took a few too many ‘shrooms one night, and uttered slurs against peo\u00adple who lose their car keys.\u00a0 The Hebo people were outraged!<\/p>\n
Bob Jr, seeking peace of mind, went to a garden and picked all the red flowers.\u00a0 He planned to turn them into silk, and sew them into under\u00adwear.\u00a0 But it was at that time that his old English professor, with a multitude of guards and Kink\u00admaster Kiaphas himself, leapt onto the scene.<\/p>\n
“Professor Mcdougal?!” Bob Jr called out.<\/p>\n
“That’s right – and you still owe me a paper!”<\/p>\n
Bob Jr, in a panic, began to run.\u00a0 But he was tackled by the guards and brought to his knees.\u00a0 Then they dragged him to Anus (K.Kiaphas’ dad), who questioned Bob Jr about his purpose.\u00a0 Bob Jr refused to talk without his lawyer, so they took Bob Jr to the Viking leader residing in the White House.\u00a0 The leader’s name was, simply, `Longship’, because of the size of his genitalia.<\/p>\n
And so Longship, fondling his genitalia, said unto Bob Jr,\u00a0 “What is it?”<\/p>\n
Bob Jr would not reply.<\/p>\n
“Are you the son of BOB?” asked Longship.<\/p>\n
“If you say so.”<\/p>\n
“Alright, look here smart\u00adass! I want a straight fucking answer!”<\/p>\n
Bob Jr raised a finger, “There is no need to curse.\u00a0 In the Kingdom of Bob Heavens (where there is polite sau\u00adsage), those who curse will not receive the glory.”<\/p>\n
“I don’t care about any\u00adthing which has to do with your filthy BOB!”<\/p>\n
Bob Jr replied, “Well, fuck you, then.”<\/p>\n
“What?”<\/p>\n
Longship turned to the crowds, “I find no wrong with this jerk-off.\u00a0 Do you want me to release him unto you?”<\/p>\n
“Nah!” replied the angry Hebos, “We’d rather have Man\u00adson released than this bas\u00adtard.”<\/p>\n
Longship turned to Bob Jr, “They really don’t like you, and neither do I.”<\/p>\n
Bob Jr shrugged, “I don’t care.\u00a0 You all will pay for it dearly later on.”<\/p>\n
Longship shuddered, “You know…I believe you…and it scares me…”<\/p>\n
Yet Bob Jr was still taken unto the highway.\u00a0 For three days he was cast in front of Hondas and Subarus until, at 8:08am on Monday morning, he was killed by Mr. Wilhelm Brin\u00adkly, 5440 Sandavol Lane, Bethe\u00adsda MD 20815.<\/p>\n
It being a feast day, the body of Bob Jr was taken unto the funeral home and done up rather nicely.\u00a0 And so, scrip\u00adture was completed.\u00a0 The son of BOB had died, and we were all saved.<\/p>\n
III: EPILOGUE A young woman who had fol\u00adlowed Bob Jr through his teach\u00ading, went upon the funeral home early.\u00a0 There she found a man sitting in a plastic chair and contemplating a coffin.\u00a0 Writ\u00adten upon the coffin was, “Bob Jr, King of The Hebos…ha, ha…”.\u00a0\u00a0 Yet it was empty.<\/p>\n The man smiled at the wom\u00adan, “Woman, who is it that you cry for?”<\/p>\n And the woman answered, “For Bob Jr, savior and -”<\/p>\n “Oh…him.\u00a0 Well, uh…he’s -”<\/p>\n Suddenly the woman recog\u00adnized the man, “Great teacher!” she screamed out, tearing off her clothes right there and molesting Bob Jr.<\/p>\n Later, the apostles (well, except for me; I was watching a Star Trek Marathon) gathered in the attic of a large building and prayed their worthless lit\u00adtle hearts out.\u00a0 Bob Jr came upon them (he visited me right before “The Trouble With Tribb\u00adles” and we sat back and laughed for a while before he took all my beer and left) and said unto them, “Go forth and teach my word to the people.\u00a0 Create a massive new religion which will control, redirect, and maintain a hold on the Hu\u00adman spirit and will…and col\u00adlect money in my name.<\/p>\n And so the apostles went forth unto the people, after being granted the Holy Vitamin C pill of BOB.<\/p>\n And I, Nohj, am the only one alive today.\u00a0 I, alone, have survived to make billions and become very successful with the women.\u00a0 I am the beloved.\u00a0 I was his favorite all along, so while everyone else got nailed up to something, I just sat around and got laid and high.<\/p>\n Ah well.\u00a0 I am the last witness; so it is that I pass this on through the generations to be reviewed.\u00a0 There are so many exciting and wonderful things which I decided not to write about, it’s quite impres\u00adsive.\u00a0 In fact, I hardly touched on anything Bob Jr did.\u00a0 This whole thing was a bunch of fluff.\u00a0 Oh well… I guess that’s about it.\u00a0 I’ll check you all later, okay?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u00a0Oh, god.\u00a0 Here’s the rest of this shit. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[55],"tags":[115,131,116],"class_list":["post-508","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-boblehub-20","tag-boble","tag-bobsels","tag-new-testicle"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/508","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=508"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/508\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":786,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/508\/revisions\/786"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=508"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=508"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=508"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n<\/em><\/p>\n