{"id":45,"date":"2008-03-11T09:30:47","date_gmt":"2008-03-11T14:30:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/?p=45"},"modified":"2018-10-31T15:08:30","modified_gmt":"2018-10-31T19:08:30","slug":"the-seven-social-sins","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/?p=45","title":{"rendered":"The Seven Social Sins"},"content":{"rendered":"

I read today that the Pope will announce seven new deadly sins when he visits DC next month. <\/span>I learned all about the original sins in school but, really, the only thing I remember is from the movie. <\/span>Which is why I propose the <\/st1>Vatican<\/st1> should fund my sequel to Seven<\/em>. <\/span>Don\u2019t pull punches, either. <\/span>It has to be just as horrific as the original.<\/p>\n

So let\u2019s review the sins, and how the film (tentatively titled Fourteen<\/em>), will play out.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

By the way \u2013 the Pope is unveiling these sins at the exclusive mass blessing the new stadium here in DC. <\/span>I think I speak for all rational humans when I ask: <\/span>What the fuck? <\/span>I mean, first of all, where\u2019s he going to park the Popemobile? <\/span>Is he going to Metro down to the stadium? <\/span>We do have the mysterious \u201cWhite Line\u201d in place for just such events. <\/span>Private trains for the power-hungry creators of the \u201cSeven Social Sins.\u201d<\/p>\n

The first sin is \u201cBioethical Violations.\u201d We\u2019ve got problems right out of the gate. <\/span>Greed, sloth, envy\u2026 That\u2019s easy. <\/span>But Bioethical Violations? <\/span>Come on. What\u2019s that mean? <\/span>And why does it make me think of <\/st1>Jurassic<\/em><\/st1> Park<\/st1><\/em>? <\/span>(That would be very John Paul II of him: condemning <\/st1>Jurassic<\/em><\/st1> Park<\/st1><\/em> in the middle of a baseball stadium.)<\/p>\n

The <\/st1>Vatican<\/st1> defines Bioethical Violations as birth control and other related things. <\/span>So, in Fourteen<\/em>, the killer goes around forcing women to get on the pill and complain about gaining weight. <\/span>Then the victim has to sit around and listen to all of the women agonize about the side effects of birth control but never actually put out.<\/p>\n

Next up is \u201cMorally dubious experiments.\u201d <\/span>Okay, Popey, lesson one: <\/span>Don\u2019t have a bunch of shit on the list that needs explanation and examples. <\/span>In college, I masturbated onto a plate and watched how my sperm behaved throughout a hot day. <\/span>Is that a morally dubious experiment? <\/span>It is, certainly, a scene from the movie. <\/span>But here the Pope is talking about stem cell research and, again, the creation of a <\/st1>Jurassic<\/em><\/st1> Park<\/st1><\/em>.<\/p>\n

With the third sin, we finally get something easy: <\/span>\u201cDrug Abuse.\u201d <\/span>That\u2019ll hit home since everybody in that baseball stadium will be on some nefarious prescription drug in order to address their made up mental illnesses in our sad, sick society. <\/span>In Fourteen<\/em>, the killer will pose as a Physician\u2019s Assistant for Kaiser Permanente who prescribes antibiotics, Prozac, and Wellbutrin to every patient regardless of their complaint, then, behind the clinic, he\u2019ll collect suitcases full of cash from pharmaceutical companies. <\/span>The killer will escape our heroes because, when they\u2019re just about to catch him, they\u2019ll round the corner and find all of the doctors collecting suitcases full of cash. <\/span>It\u2019ll be like the end of the updated Thomas Crown Affair<\/em>.<\/p>\n

From the crying Indian in the 80\u2019s to the goddamned Pope \u2013 the fourth new sin is \u201cPolluting the Environment.\u201d <\/span>Which leads one to examine the environmental impact of the Pope\u2019s visit, from the gas-guzzling Popemobile right down to DC\u2019s happy Cleaner Coal!!!(tm) powering the stadium. <\/span>Speaking of which, it\u2019s about time for the coal council (where the killer in Fourteen<\/em> works) or whoever they are to start putting up posters all over the city desperately telling us how coal power is the \u201cway of the future.\u201d <\/span>About this time every year, the Metro is plastered with smiling people from an assortment of friendly races assuring us that coal is clean and good to eat. <\/span>It doesn\u2019t change the fact that you used to be able to see DC from Sugarloaf Mountain<\/st1> and, now, the only thing you can see is the smokestack from the power plant.<\/p>\n

The last three sins seem to obsess a little bit about money. <\/span>At number five is the long winded sin: <\/span>\u201cContributing to the divide between the rich and the poor.\u201d<\/p>\n

At the moment, I\u2019m not able to find an explanation on what that sin means. <\/span>I think it\u2019s one of those written six beers in while guzzling the seventh, followed by a gushing declaration about how good it is to have friends like the people you\u2019re drinking with, even if you just met them three hours ago.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m assuming that sin is ordering us to stop stealing from the poor and giving to the rich, which is something I\u2019ve long been doing. <\/span>I wake up at 5am on Sundays, hide in the bushes outside of St. Mary\u2019s, and then tackle old ladies and steal their food stamps and rape whistles. <\/span>Then I post the stamps and whistles to all the rich people I know. <\/span>It\u2019s real life work like that which inspires writing similar scenes for the killer in Fourteen<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Sin number six seems to be just a bit out of bounds given our current economic collapse. <\/span>The sin is, simply: \u201cExcessive Wealth.\u201d<\/p>\n

Popey, this is fucking <\/st1>America<\/st1> you\u2019re talking to. <\/span>Excessive wealth is the whole motherfucking point. <\/span>Next you\u2019ll be telling us not to obsessively push westward and rape Indian children. <\/span>(The killer in Fourteen<\/em> is a 49er guiding a wagon train across the country and becoming embroiled in endless disputes with ranchers and Indians.)<\/p>\n

Either way, saying that Excessive Wealth is a sin is a little bit dated. <\/span>Maybe the Pope is trying to get in bed with poor people so as to better encourage them to blindly follow the church and pay up front. <\/span>Hell, the <\/st1>Vatican<\/st1>\u2019s website is more of a shop than Amazon.com these days. <\/span>Here\u2019s the Peter\u2019s Pence page<\/a>. <\/span>Ugh. <\/span><\/p>\n

And then going on about Excessive Wealth as we\u2019re all watching our money tumble down the drain. <\/span>A dozen restaurants in DC started accepting the Euro yesterday, and that\u2019s something popping up in cities through the country. <\/span>Which is what the killer in Fourteen<\/em> is going to do: <\/span>Convince McDonald\u2019s to switch to the Euro.<\/p>\n

The seventh new deadly social sin is: <\/span>\u201cCreating Poverty.\u201d <\/span>I have no idea how to work that into the movie. <\/span>Maybe the killer is going to go to some low income housing units and steal their Christmas presents all Grinch-like or something. <\/span><\/p>\n

Except the poor are a powerful bunch. <\/span>Even with nothing, they\u2019ll dance around the fallen star and sing their Whoville songs. <\/span>And it\u2019s precisely that kind of excessive wealth that we need to nip in the bud by controlling the birth rates of our lower classes and using their DNA to make dinosaurs.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I read today that the Pope will announce seven new deadly sins when he visits DC next month. I learned all about the original sins in school but, really, the only thing I remember is from the movie. Which is …<\/p>\n

The Seven Social Sins<\/span> Read More »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,12],"tags":[111,399],"class_list":["post-45","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-rants","category-dc","tag-commentary","tag-dc"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=45"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1208,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45\/revisions\/1208"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=45"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=45"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=45"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}