So after a handful of pain pills, a few tugs from a bottle of port, and an evening of reevaluation I’ve decided to give up on the improvised novel.\u00a0 <\/p>\n
I’ve accomplished what I set out to do, which was start writing regularly again after about a three year hiatus.\u00a0 And, like I’ve always felt, enthusiasm for long projects sort of peters out after about six months.\u00a0 Maybe if I’d had an outline or idea of where I wanted to go things would be different and I could etch out a chapter now and again, but at the moment the only entry on my mental notepad is “Remo and Paul get into some crazy shit and learn life lessons.”\u00a0 And, anyway, I know these people, I interact with them daily.\u00a0 After dealing with them for nine hours a day replicating their personalities and mentalities fictionally is not the kind of catharsis I need. It’s time to file the document on the hard drive and move on.<\/p>\n
So, onward and upward!\u00a0 What can you expect from your newly energized Cassander?\u00a0 Probably more one-off essays or short fiction pieces, the odd personal item, and maybe a few old things made new.\u00a0 Part of the soul searching process tonight included scanning a bunch of never-circulated writing from the old days that I might polish and proffer.\u00a0 That can be tricky, so don’t get your hopes up.\u00a0 Sometimes we can never completely yell over our old voices.<\/p>\n
Because writing, for me, doesn’t mean the same things that it used to.\u00a0 The impetus is no longer escape or fame or prestige.\u00a0 I no longer crave an imaginary lifestyle, no longer need the company or competition of other artists.\u00a0 There is no race, no scorekeeper.\u00a0 There’s just me and the tunnel now. \u00a0 The new goal now is growth and consistency.\u00a0 Find the weaknesses and hit Ctrl-X.\u00a0 Move that cursor forward.<\/p>\n