Oh-ho! We’re done!\u00a0 Almost.\u00a0 The last book is below… Remember, I skipped a chapter.\u00a0 So this is “Boble X” but, below, it’s “Boble XI” here and there.\u00a0 Whatever.\u00a0 Blow me.<\/p>\n
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\u00a0The Last Book of The Old Testicle \u00a0<\/strong>\n<\/p>\n Part I of Book XI<\/strong><\/p>\n The Prophet Ishia (is-hay-ah) The vision which Ishia, son of Amon, son of Bill, son of Sam, son of Empty Alleyway, son of Habbadia, son of Sing-Sing, son of Hoo Ting Chan, son of somebody, son of blah, blah, blah and son of on and on back to a couple thousand other people, son of Dick, son of BOB.\u00a0 Um\u2026 the vision which Ishia had was about the Hebos and their homeland in the days of A-Ha!, king of the Hebos.\u00a0 In the vision an angel-minx appeared and said:<\/p>\n “Hey, don’t worry about it, man.”<\/p>\n So he didn’t.<\/p>\n Chapter Two Wah, wah!\u00a0 Ishia had a bay-yay-be!\u00a0 And BOB said (via an angel): “Go to the lake and ask for a razor blade.\u00a0 Then take the razor blade given you by the King of Assyria and shave your nasty ass!\u00a0 Then shave the clumps of matted fur on your sides, and get it on with a heifer.”<\/p>\n And so Ishia did.<\/p>\n And so BOB asked, “Now, how do you feel?”<\/p>\n “Odd…” Ishia replied.<\/p>\n “That’s because you just porked a cow!\u201d\u00a0 BOB laughed hysterically, and then split.\u00a0 He had other things to worry about anyway.<\/p>\n Feeling put out, Ishia walked off, and the rest of this story remains unfinished.<\/p>\n But lo!\u00a0 The understudy happened to be handy!<\/p>\n Understudy Tom went to Babylon and had a real fun time on our money.\u00a0 What a bastard.\u00a0 A personal audit was delivered, and Understudy Tom had a few problems.\u00a0 The king of Babylon said that BOB’s soil sucked, and that he would rather have a party.\u00a0 BOB did not like the attitude, but he got so wasted at the Babylonian party that he forgot about it.\u00a0 Babylon was spared until… well, that comes later.\u00a0 Anyway, Understudy Tom traveled to many other places, and said a lot of things to a lot of people.\u00a0 Things like: “And, lo, the Lord our BOB is really big, and he can turn the Earth upside down and flush it down the toilet.”<\/p>\n And Understudy Tom preached that BOB really liked the Hebos, and didn’t particularly go for anyone else.\u00a0 And BOB, through Understudy Tom, told the Hebos, “Beware, for I shall test you later.\u00a0 I will have you exterminated, persecuted, stepped upon, cooked, blown up, moved away, forced into poverty, gassed, tortured, and be the cause of venereal diseases.\u00a0 Nobody will like you, and horrible stereotypes will arise which shall cause the humiliation of your entire race.\u00a0 And all the other followers of BOB will steal your ideas and start their own religions.\u00a0 I do this because I love you, and I am a good God.”<\/p>\n So the Hebos stoned Tom.\n<\/p>\n Part II of Book XI<\/strong><\/p>\n The Prophet Jerememee (Jher-ee-me-me) And BOB spoke unto J.\u00a0 He said, “Take my rod and staff and go forth unto my people…and they shall come.”<\/p>\n And thus J took up the large rod and staff and stumbled towards all the young women he could find. “Allow me to thrust this upon you!” he would say, and they would usually run screaming.\u00a0 Well, except for the crazy chicks.\u00a0 They always got it on.\u00a0 J was not a good prophet, and didn’t really do all that much.\u00a0 In essence, he was a waste of a paycheck.\u00a0 But BOB had chosen him to hold his rod and staff.<\/p>\n “Oh, my,” said the local Rabbi, “What a mighty rod and staff!”<\/p>\n And J would thank the Rabbi and then thrust the rod and staff upon him, crushing him beneath the pulsing energy of BOB.<\/p>\n Sneaky husbands would seek out J and inquire about the future of Babylon.<\/p>\n “Read on,” J would reply.\u00a0 “In many years, after the coming of our Lord – the son of BOB – the Earth shall end abruptly.”<\/p>\n And, thus, sneaky husbands would return home elated.\u00a0 J failed to mention women’s liberation for fear of bad press.\u00a0 However, shortly after he visited the Hebo city, it was destroyed.\u00a0 So J took up the practice of preaching against Babylon.<\/p>\n “Don’t go there!\u00a0 The women have diseases, and they’re ugly anyway!”<\/p>\n You ever wonder what all this Babylon stuff is about anyway?\u00a0 Man, don\u2019t be worrying.\u00a0 Just move on and forget about it.\u00a0 Call it a loophole\u2026 Maybe even a Lost Book of the Boble.\u00a0 Hey, Lost Book equals Sequel!<\/p>\n Part III of Book XI One day, Ez had a vision:<\/p>\n “On the thirteenth day of the fifth month of the twentieth year since the fourth meeting of the ninth committee on Twenty-Second Avenue and First, whilst I was among the dumb people living by the River Chor, the heavens opened and I saw the divine visions.\u00a0 But I forgot them.<\/p>\n “But lo!\u00a0 I was faced with the glory of the Lord our BOB.\u00a0 He came unto me, curious, and asked me if I had heard the doorbell ring.\u00a0 I said no, but I had already flung myself upon the floor -thus BOB was unable to hear me.<\/p>\n “Then a mass of angels descended upon me, and they told me to eat the scroll, which had been flavored like tuna.\u00a0 Without choice, I devoured the scroll.\u00a0 It felt like velvet, and appeared to be more or less feces-flavored (the tuna was just a red herring).<\/p>\n “Then BOB told me to eat another scroll, and I did.\u00a0 And thus was I laughed at.\u00a0 Then BOB made me watchman of the Hebos and cautioned me that this incident should never be mentioned again – so it didn’t matter.\u00a0 I was also told how dumb I was, but that was uncontrollable.\u00a0 So I think BOB only removed my fingers to show me how nice he was.\u00a0 Then, for the twentieth time that day, the city of the Hebos was put under siege, captured, and then regained.<\/p>\n “Later that night, BOB told me a story.\u00a0 He said that the Boble does not contain the rather amusing tale of Samnut and Doodoo. This oversight is very interesting, and should be corrected immediately.\u00a0 So I, Ez, have been picked to retell this story to you all, exactly as BOB told it unto me:<\/p>\n “`Once there was Samnut, who was a very strong and a very great man.\u00a0 All his power, however, was contained in his fairly ample wong.\u00a0 His little one-eyed love buffalo happened to be twenty feet long.\u00a0 He had a sheath for his sword, his love-muscle.\u00a0 He fell in love with Doodoo and they lived together – Samnut being so proud of his BOB-given wankle, and Doodoo was quite happy too… we\u00adll.\u00a0 Anyway, False Rob came unto Doodoo and convinced her to destroy Samnut’s power.\u00a0 Thus Doodoo took an axe, and chopped Samnut’s wanker clean off!!\u00a0 In turn, she was transformed into a pillar of salt, and that’s the end!\u00a0 Well…I guess you had to be there…’<\/p>\n “In my time, I experienced much pain.\u00a0 All love in BOB began to vanish.\u00a0 We, the Hebos, needed something to boost our spirits… needed something…a tremendous big-budget production which would rally everyone around BOB.\u00a0 Unfortunately, I died before long, and was unable to finish the<\/p>\n The Prophet Danny (Dan-ee) When I came unto Adolf, preaching of BOB, I was yelled at.\u00a0 But I would not leave, so I was thrown into a furnace with my friends.\u00a0 The furnace was turned up real high, but I prayed to BOB and survived.\u00a0 Really, the story is quite dull.\u00a0 Our trip there was in the rain; once arrived we were captured and immediately thrown into the fiery furnace.\u00a0 At that point, we just walked around and did nothing ’till they let us go.\u00a0 The prayers were long, and I don’t really remember them.\u00a0 I mean, the whole damn thing was so scary anyway.\u00a0 I’m very traumatized, don’t you know?\u00a0 But I have given up being a prophet because, honestly, the whole thing is getting just a little tiresome. So bye.<\/p>\n The Prophet Hosy (Hose-e) Hosy married some guy named Gomer!\u00a0 Fag.\u00a0 BOB has decided to blow him up, and I, Jones (Jones) have taken over because I’m not a fag.\u00a0 I have, however, seen whale shit up close, thus I am vaguely unique.<\/p>\n Chapter one, in which I go out on a mission.<\/p>\n I was told by BOB to set out for some big city.\u00a0 So I did, you know?\u00a0 So I went out to this stinky fishing boat with all these stinky fishermen.\u00a0 I was angered at this, and I expressed my anger to BOB.\u00a0 Thus did BOB send forth a huge mother of a whale to swallow me.\u00a0 Which is partly unrealistic, but this is all a metaphor so it doesn’t matter.<\/p>\n After a long time, I escaped from the whale and spent a weekend in the shower.\u00a0 The moral of the story is: Never get mad at BOB, for he always does something for a reason.<\/p>\n The Prophet Billickme (Bill, lick me!) Well, that’s it, ladies and gents.\u00a0 We’ve just about shot the last ball in the hole and put an end to the `mean-old-BOB’.\u00a0 From here on out, he’s gonna be a `squishy-happy-BOB’.\u00a0 For he shall have a son who shall come unto the Hebos and deliver them from the unmitigated hell in which they live.\u00a0 Woah! Oh, well, anyway, and now a word from our sponsor…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Oh-ho! We’re done!\u00a0 Almost.\u00a0 The last book is below… Remember, I skipped a chapter.\u00a0 So this is “Boble X” but, below, it’s “Boble XI” here and there.\u00a0 Whatever.\u00a0 Blow me. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[55],"tags":[115,150],"class_list":["post-338","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-boblehub-20","tag-boble","tag-old-testicle"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/338","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=338"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/338\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":859,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/338\/revisions\/859"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=338"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=338"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=338"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nAssorted Prophets<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nChapter One
\n“The Sinful Hebos”<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n“The Birth of His Son”
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nChapter One
\n“Oracles in The Days Of Vague Sexual References”
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nThe Prophet Ez (Easy)
\nChapter One
\n“In Which Everyone Feels A Touch Better”
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nChapter One
\n“The Burning”
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nChapter One
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nChapter One
\n“The Last Little Bit of The Old Testicle”<\/strong><\/p>\n