Interlude
\nIn Bob Heavens (where there is a shining planet, known as sausage)<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Some time later Binaca rushed up to BOB.\u00a0 He had been out in the garden, lost in the hedge maze for several hours.<\/p>\n
\u201cBinaca!\u201d he shouted, startled as she rounded a bend.\u00a0 \u201cHow\u2019d you find me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThis maze is easy,\u201d Binaca replied.\u00a0 \u201cAnyway, the Earth Mother is ready to meet you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAbout time, silly-willy.\u00a0 Get me out of here.\u201d<\/p>\n
Binaca led the way out of the maze, then to the holy van.\u00a0 BOB drove several cars, but one of his favorites was the holy van.\u00a0 It was a VW panel-van, purple paint shining in the sun.\u00a0 Purple-tinted windows blocked all view of the interior, and the VW symbol had been replaced with a chrome Barbie-head mounted within a flared Swastika. The hub caps had been torn off, and BOB had emptied a .38 into the left side of the van during a drunken rage.\u00a0 The bullet holes had never been repaired.\u00a0 One headlight was smashed out (a parking accident, which BOB blamed on Binaca) while the tail lights had been purposely disconnected.\u00a0 Truly, this was the type of vehicle you never cut off.<\/p>\n
Binaca drove as BOB was feeling somewhat tired. It took about 45 minutes to get to the Earth Mother\u2019s palace, deep within a forest which neither Binaca nor BOB could find on the maps.\u00a0 They had to get directions from the hippie gas station attendant, whose parting words were \u201cCool VW.\u00a0 Solid, man!\u201d\u00a0 BOB flicked him off.<\/p>\n
The Earth Mother\u2019s guards were waiting – all of them mousy brunettes wearing patchouli, vanilla, and other body oils.\u00a0 Long flowing dresses, long, ratty hair and those frilled hippie shirts seemed to be the uniform.<\/p>\n
\u201cMay I park your van, sister?\u201d one of the hippie chicks asked Binaca.<\/p>\n
\u201cFuck that, this thing will stink like a \u201969 camper.\u00a0 Just point us in the right direction!\u201d BOB shouted from the passenger side.<\/p>\n
Once parked, Binaca and BOB were ushered into a waiting room.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe Earth Mother will be with you shortly.\u201d One of the hippie-chicks said, backing out respectfully.<\/p>\n
Once they were sure they were alone, BOB turned to Binaca.\u00a0 \u201cNice setup here,\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot as nice as BOB Heavens.\u201d Binaca replied.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere there is classy sausage,\u201d BOB reminded.<\/p>\n
A few minutes later, another hippie chick came into the room and politely ushered BOB and Binaca into the Earth Mother\u2019s inner quarters.\u00a0 The hippie chick then backed out and closed the double doors.<\/p>\n
The Earth Mother\u2019s quarters were utilitarian.\u00a0 A vast window spanned the length of one wall, showing the peaceful forest outside.\u00a0 A large desk sat in the center of the room, with a telephone and a blotter as well as some toys – nothing spectacular.\u00a0 One wall was covered with Tori Amos, Tribe 8, and Crush posters.\u00a0 There were a number of bands BOB didn\u2019t recognize, but as he drifted closer to the wall he saw a Cake Like poster, amoung others.\u00a0 Binaca recognized a few more and quietly pointed them out.\u00a0 Another wall was filled with the expected \u201cSisterhood is Powerful\u201d slogans, put together as a collage.\u00a0 Low filing cabinets were placed against the wall opposite the window, along with a leather couch and a glass table.\u00a0 BOB looked down at the plush carpet while Binaca swayed in front of a large Tori Amos poster.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis chick\u2019s okay,\u201d Binaca finally muttered.<\/p>\n
\u201cFake redhead.\u201d BOB said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI like the lip.\u201d Binaca replied.<\/p>\n
BOB eyed a decanter hidden on the Earth Mother\u2019s desk from a respectful distance.\u00a0 He judged, correctly, that it was filled with a fine single malt.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t reply to Binaca, but instead thought of Scotch hitting his own lips.<\/p>\n
Then the double doors burst open and a tall, thin dark-haired woman strode into the room.\u00a0 Her hair was shoulder length, perfectly sculpted.\u00a0 Her figure was incredible, swaying under clinging robes in a way that could tempt any man – even those utterly loyal to BOB.\u00a0 She stood about ten feet from BOB, smiling smugly.<\/p>\n
It took BOB a few minutes to remember her face.\u00a0 Then, with a look of horror, he pointed at her and hissed one word:\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Binaca looked confused, stepping over towards BOB.<\/p>\n
\u201cHello BOB,\u201d the Earth Mother replied.\u00a0 She confidently strode over to her desk.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ve met?\u201d Binaca asked.<\/p>\n
BOB ignored her, turning to face the Earth Mother.\u00a0 He stepped up till he was in front of the desk, on the other side of which stood the Earth Goddess.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re no Earth Mother\u2026\u201d BOB muttered, \u201cYou\u2019re the Blood Mistress Kraal!\u201d<\/p>\n
Binaca gasped, and cast wide green eyes towards Kraal.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell,\u201d Kraal replied, \u201cI\u2019ve recently been repackaged as the Earth mother.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh come on!\u201d BOB snapped, \u201cThe Earth Mother is fat and has lots of babies.\u201d He gestured wildly, \u201cLook at you! If you had a baby you\u2019d split in half!\u201d<\/p>\n
Kraal set her jaw and tapped impatient fingers on her desk,\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m a very busy woman, what is this appointment for?\u201d<\/p>\n
BOB spluttered, \u201cI wanted to meet the Earth Goddess.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, you\u2019ve met her.\u00a0 Bye!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat? No, I\u2019m not gonna settle for that. You\u2019re stealing people away from me and I\u2019m the creator!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh?\u00a0 Really?\u00a0 You\u2019re the creator?\u201d<\/p>\n
BOB looked at Binaca, then back to Kraal.\u00a0 \u201cUh\u2026yeah.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh.\u201d<\/p>\n
Binaca looked between the two undetermined totalities.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n
Kraal smiled and nodded to BOB.<\/p>\n
BOB sighed.\u00a0 \u201cShe thinks she\u2019s the creator.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI am.\u201d Kraal replied.\u00a0 She pointed at her crotch.\u00a0 \u201cVagina!\u201d<\/p>\n
BOB pointed at his crotch, \u201cChicken and egg, bitch.\u201d<\/p>\n
Kraal narrowed her eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe went out for awhile.\u201d Bob explained quietly.<\/p>\n
Binaca gasped.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt went south.\u00a0 I went my own way.\u201d<\/p>\n
Kraal snarled, \u201cAnd left me with nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n
BOB pointed at her crotch.\u00a0 \u201cVagina.\u201d He said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWow.\u201d Kraal said, putting her hands up as if surrendering.\u00a0 \u201cWow!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe that\u2019s the problem, BOB.\u00a0 Have you thought about that?\u00a0 Your quote \u2018creations\u2019 unquote are majority female.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c51%.\u201d Binaca said defensively.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you, slave angel.\u201d Kraal smiled at the redhead minx, \u201cSo why so many women, BOB?\u201d<\/p>\n
BOB stammered his reply, \u201cI-I-I-I\u2026 I.\u00a0 I!\u00a0 I!\u00a0 I!\u00a0 I!\u201d<\/p>\n
Binaca and Kraal stared at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cI.\u201d BOB said.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2026am.\u00a0 I am.\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 I am.\u201d\u00a0 He grinned weakly.<\/p>\n
Kraal took a breath and shook her head. \u201cWell, women are looking for an alternative. Your macho way of looking at things just isn\u2019t healthy for them.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh come off it! 100,000 years ago, you were ordering stone-aged barbarians to sacrifice virgins and drink their blood for strength!\u00a0 Now you\u2019re gonna tell me you\u2019re a friend to all the fuzzy animals and women\u2019s rights all over?\u201d<\/p>\n
Kraal changed the subject, \u201cSo\u2026where\u2019s Mistress Eve?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s in the darkest heart of Borneo studying cannibal tribes.\u201d BOB replied absently.<\/p>\n
\u201cWow, sounds dangerous,\u201d Kraal replied conversationally.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe know she\u2019s still alive.\u201d Binaca replied, unable to hide the jealousy.\u00a0 \u201cShe\u2019s still charging beauty products to her credit cards.\u201d<\/p>\n
Kraal turned to BOB, \u201cSo you hang out with these redheaded angel-sluts now?\u201d<\/p>\n
Binaca bristled but said nothing.<\/p>\n
BOB started to splutter, rage rising over the surface.<\/p>\n
Kraal raised her eyebrows, then turned to Binaca for help.<\/p>\n
Binaca pointed at the decanter, \u201cGive him a glass of whiskey, he\u2019ll calm down.\u201d<\/p>\n
Kraal poured BOB a glass and handed it to him.\u00a0 It took him some time to compose himself, then he walked stiffly out of the room with Binaca in tow.\u00a0 They left the palace and headed back to Bob Heavens (where the sausage must now make a stand) in silence.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Interlude In Bob Heavens (where there is a shining planet, known as sausage)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[55],"tags":[115,150],"class_list":["post-331","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-boblehub-20","tag-boble","tag-old-testicle"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/331","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=331"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/331\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":898,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/331\/revisions\/898"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=331"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=331"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=331"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}