Dear internet:\u00a0 Everything has changed!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Nope, just kidding.\u00a0 I’m having Cheez-It’s and beer for dinner, because I’m 33 and it’s time I start eating healthy and respecting my body.\u00a0 I’m actually a little excited, even though I poured myself the wrong beer.\u00a0 I wanted the stout but I automatically reached for a lager.\u00a0 Weird.\u00a0 Maybe I’m turning into a Canadian because it’s been really cold the last three days.\u00a0 Which leads to being Canadian.\u00a0 Logically.<\/p>\n
I’m excited because this is the first beer I’ve had in almost two weeks.\u00a0 Sunday week I was struck down with a 104 degree fever that lasted through Tuesday.\u00a0 Because I was once a pillhead, in an attempt to control my now cured chronic pain, I refuse to take pills unless it’s an extreme case and\/or an ex girlfriend shows up at my door.\u00a0 So when I get sick, I just drink juice and soldier through it.\u00a0 But that fever kicked my ass, and I spent last week being all moody and fucked up.\u00a0 Then last weekend I lounged around in my own filth.\u00a0 This week I’ve just been busy getting back to normal.\u00a0 But I told myself this afternoon that I would drink tonight.\u00a0 So here goes.<\/p>\n
Oh, right.\u00a0 This lager is shit.\u00a0 Undrinkable, even.\u00a0 Pisswater.\u00a0 Now I have to cut into prime Cheez-It eating time to dump it out and pour the stout.\u00a0 Of course, stout doesn’t go well with Cheez-It’s.\u00a0 This night’s a disaster.\u00a0 Ex-girlfriend sent a text message a few hours ago asking if I would be her valentine.\u00a0 I texted back:\u00a0 “Deceased.\u00a0 Return to sender.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dear internet:\u00a0 Everything has changed!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[122],"class_list":["post-33","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-rants","tag-holidays"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=33"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1218,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33\/revisions\/1218"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=33"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=33"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=33"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}