Chapter Three
\nThe Great Temple<\/p>\n
\nOnce the sixteen month waiting and processing period to retrieve the Holy Satchel was completed, Dil placed it in what would soon become his great temple. For the moment, however, it was simply the House of Luan.<\/p>\n
Dil paced around the Holy Satchel every day, staring at it with awe. This holy relic had suffered through a great history, and now he possessed it. He would display it for all the Hebos to witness, but first he needed to figure out any religious zoning laws.\u00a0 Thus it was that Dil called upon the prophet Nate.<\/p>\n
\u201cNate the snake, big bad prophet!\u201d Dil gave him a high-five.<\/p>\n
\u201cBlessed be,\u201d Nate replied, flipping on his purple-tinted, rectangular sunglasses of prophethood.<\/p>\n
Dil screwed up his eyes, glancing sideways at Nate.\u00a0 \u201cYour witch girlfriend is getting into your head, eh?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat did I say?\u201d Nate seemed lost for a minute.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou said \u2018blessed be\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDamn, sorry.\u00a0 Look, she may be a witch but she has incredible abdominal muscle control.\u201d<\/p>\n
Dil was silent for a moment, staring blankly.\u00a0 Then he blinked\u00a0 and returned his gaze to the Satchel.\u00a0 \u201cNate, what are the exact principles involved when it comes to building a temple?\u00a0 I mean, I don\u2019t want to have the whole thing kicked out from under my ass like the Tower of Bobel.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSquare and functional. Ugly is okay, BOB won\u2019t look upon ugly structures.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow about a three story square block with a flat roof and a beige paint job?\u201d Dil asked.<\/p>\n
Nate shuddered, \u201cWell\u2026that will protect you from BOB\u2019s notice, sir\u2026but\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen it shall be done!\u201d Dil decreed. \u201cBut first we must be absolutely certain of peace! Prepare the imperial armies.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nate leaned close to Dil\u2019s ear, \u201cBut, my lord, we\u2019ve already wiped out all the opposing tribes in the area – \u201c<\/p>\n
Dil raised his hands to the ceiling, \u201cThey are still out there, my friend.\u00a0 Pollutants, threatening our wives and daughters.\u00a0 They must be purged. We must be purified.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nate hurried off to prepare the imperial army.<\/p>\n
On the third day of the Feast of Amman-Ra and the Fourteen Screen Cineplex, Dil lead his troops out to battle.\u00a0 The story is a gripping tale of war, survival, sex and adventure.\u00a0 You could hardly put this book down if we were to include such a story – it would be better and more exciting than anything you have ever known.<\/p>\n
Therefore, we\u2019ve taken it out.\u00a0 In fact, for your own safety, we\u2019ll take a brief interlude to Bob Heavens (where there is anti-climatic sausage).<\/p>\n
BOB was sitting on the Holy Leather Couch in the Holy Sitting Room staring at the patterns on the ceiling.\u00a0 Beside him were two angel-minxes.\u00a0 On his left, a mousy little angel with fake red-hair read Angel\u2019s Day magazine with apparent rapture. On his right, a much more solid looking naturally red-haired angel-minx methodically masturbated on the edge of the couch.\u00a0 After a while, BOB brought his attention to the writhing angel on his right.\u00a0 He hit her on the arm, shoving her off the edge of the couch and back into the cushions.<\/p>\n
\u201cI told you to stop that!\u201d BOB snapped. The angel-minx cowered.<\/p>\n
There was a moment of awkward silence while BOB rubbed at the edge of the couch with his napkin. Suddenly a door burst open and in came a vision of red headed loveliness.<\/p>\n
BOB and the angel-minxes looked up as a third angel-minx strode into the room.\u00a0 She had a body to kill for, though it was hidden by folds of flowing, blue robes (the angel-minxes outdoors garments, rarely used). Her shock of red hair ran down over alabaster shoulders, and her unblemished face shined in the soft light of BOB\u2019s sitting room. Her eyes were a magnificent green, glinting this way and that as they scanned the room for any other entities.\u00a0 Finding none, she swayed in front of BOB and saluted saucily.<\/p>\n
\u201cBinaca,\u201d BOB muttered fondly, \u201cBack so soon?\u00a0 Report.\u201d<\/p>\n
Binaca grinned widely, proud to have been charged with a mission.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve finished the poll, oh BOB.\u201d She cleared her throat, \u201cA number of mortal women have pronounced feminist tendencies – \u201c<\/p>\n
\u201cLesbians,\u201d BOB muttered.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey seem to have taken in a false god.\u201d<\/p>\n
BOB stood up, pacing around the couch. \u201cTell me about this false god.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell,\u201d Binaca replied, \u2018it\u2019s more of a goddess, actually.\u00a0 An Earth Mother.\u201d<\/p>\n
BOB cocked his head sideways, \u201cEarth Mother?\u00a0 What does she have to offer them that I don\u2019t?\u201d<\/p>\n
Binaca cleared her throat again, \u201cThey, the mortal women, feel that they must escape your cruel masculine yoke.\u00a0 That\u2019s, uh, what they said\u2026\u201d\u00a0 She looked nervous.<\/p>\n
\u201cNonsense!\u201d BOB roared, \u201cI\u2019m fair to women.\u00a0 I\u2019ve given you all positions of authority.\u201d<\/p>\n
The mousy angel-minx looked up from her magazine, \u201cThat\u2019s because all the male angels are either on extended vacation or were told to \u2018work from home\u2019 which, by the way, they aren\u2019t doing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere is going to be very little sausage for you, girl, if you don\u2019t shut up!\u201d BOB snapped viciously.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou see, that\u2019s what they\u2019re talking about,\u201d Binaca said.<\/p>\n
BOB turned on her, but then stopped himself.\u00a0 He looked down at his feet, \u201cMaybe you\u2019re right. Been stressful up here the past few hundred years\u2026 I could stand a vacation myself.\u00a0 I should be the one working from home, anyway\u2026\u201d BOB looked up at Binaca, \u201cI\u2019d like to meet this Earth Mother goddess whatever thing.\u201d<\/p>\n
Binaca rounded her full lips, \u201cOoh\u2026\u201d she was so sexy, \u201cI don\u2019t know about that, boss.\u201d<\/p>\n
BOB stepped up, grabbed Binaca\u2019s creamy, exposed shoulders and massaged them gently.\u00a0 \u201cBinaca, my sweet red-headed pepperminty angel. Have our legal angel call this Earth Goddess Mother person. I want to meet her\u2026 And I want you to follow this basic logic,\u201d BOB clicked his tongue, spun Binaca around so they were both facing the most distant wall in the room, \u201cI am BOB. I created the Earth. Thus, the Earth Mother is a subordinate. Now get to it!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHer name\u2019s Kraal and \u2013 \u201c Binaca was saying, and BOB froze.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMy BOB?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s her name?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cKraal.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cKraal?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, my great BOB!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you sure she\u2019s an \u2018Earth-Mother\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s what she said, wondrous BOB.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cKraal the Earth-Mother?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHmmm.\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 Well, get to work!\u201d he pushed Binaca away from him and she kept up the pace, sprinting out of the room and out of sight.<\/p>\n
* * *\u00a0 *<\/p>\n
Back to the story!\u00a0 Dil was advancing in years, ruling the unified lands of the Hebos with an iron fist.\u00a0 Dil\u2019s reign was long so when his son – Sockit2him – came of age to rule the throne he was forced to stand by idly.\u00a0 Thus it was that Dil\u2019s son traveled West and became involved with the porn industry. His stage name – Suck Hymen – is used liberally throughout the original Boble texts. Suck Hymen was a fair and kind man, and he would surely fit into the monarchy well. Suck Hymen was greatly favored by Dil, and given charge of the great temple which Dil was building for the Holy Satchel. For Dil knew that his reign was soon to be finished.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Chapter Three The Great Temple<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[55],"tags":[115,150],"class_list":["post-328","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-boblehub-20","tag-boble","tag-old-testicle"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/328","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=328"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/328\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":910,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/328\/revisions\/910"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=328"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=328"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=328"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}