Chapter Two
\n“King Sawblade and His Merry Shepherd”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
As the years passed Sammy learned from and became very close to BOB.\u00a0 He watched the news every night and soon decided that someone had to do away with the true inhabitants of the lands about Studly Town, a people known as the Flipizines (everyone just called them The Flip).\u00a0 The times were troubled.<\/p>\n
Sammy had joined the court of a weak king who fell ill and ultimately lost the holy coconuts bearing the sixteen and a half commandments to the Flipizine hordes.\u00a0 The loss was catastrophic, for the Hebos had been routed in the field of battle and now the Flipizines threatened nuclear retaliation if the Hebo’s dared to counter-attack.<\/p>\n
“Whatever did we do to them?” asked one of the king’s aids.<\/p>\n
Sammy’s answer was simple.\u00a0 He was a prophet of BOB, so he could speak the truth: “We came to this land, decreed it the holy land, and threw the Flipizines out.\u00a0 We’re assholes.\u00a0 That’s what we did against them.”<\/p>\n
“But we were here first!” the aid replied.<\/p>\n
“Yeah,” Sammy replied, “And I guess it’s their fault for being on our land when we found it.”<\/p>\n
“Damned indians.”<\/p>\n
“Flipizines,”<\/p>\n
“What?\u00a0 Oh…yeah.”\u00a0 The king’s aid closed his briefcase, shrugged sadly, and wandered off.<\/p>\n
It was not long before the old king died and a small council held power until a new king could be elected.\u00a0 Many secret missions to the land of the Flipizines proved fruitless, for the Flips had hidden the coconuts in some unknown location.\u00a0 Without the coconuts, the Flips assumed that the Hebos could not survive.\u00a0 Of course, no Hebo followed the sixteen and a half commandments, and the coconuts had simply become a novelty item in the years since their creation.\u00a0 It was for that reason that BOB allowed his people to suffer so.<\/p>\n
Finally, Sammy asked BOB for guidance.<\/p>\n
In Bob Heavens (where the freshness of the sausage may well outlive the freshness of this story), BOB allowed Sammy to visit and rap a bit.\u00a0 The mortal had to be brought in blindfolded, of course, so that he may not bear witness to the awesome glories of Bob Heavens (where there is extra spicy sausage).\u00a0 Sammy was brought into the dining hall of BOB’s `Imperial’ palace, where the great and supreme being was waiting.<\/p>\n
Now, just before Sammy left for Bob Heavens (where there is soviel <\/em>sausage) the Flip had been repulsed during a small two-day war.\u00a0 We\u2019re not going to take time to discuss the battle as no heads got blown off. Of course, plenty of ancient sub-humans got hacked to death, and that counts for something.\u00a0 But even then, a war between the Hebos and the Flips really lacks the pizzazz that every good history major looks for.\u00a0 It was the defeat of the Flip, however, that led the Hebos to peaceably request a king.\u00a0 Thus, when Sammy sat with BOB at the great dining table, this issue was raised.<\/p>\n \u201cSo you boys want a king\u2026\u201d BOB said, digging into a bowl of chili.<\/p>\n \u201cThe people feel the need for a leader\u2026\u201d Sammy replied.<\/p>\n \u201cIs that their only problem?\u201d<\/p>\n Sammy thought for a moment, \u201cWell, actually O BOB, there\u2019s the issue of health care reform which has been plaguing us for – \u201c<\/p>\n \u201cWell!\u201d Bob laughed, \u201cIf your only problem is that you need a leader, then why shouldn\u2019t I give you one!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThank you, great BOB\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know this little dickhead\u2026goes by the name Sawblade.\u00a0 Herder, everyman, a real nationalist approach.\u00a0 A monarch who came from the people\u2026it\u2019s poetry in motion, baby – poetry in motion!\u201d BOB barked at a red-headed angel and grabbed her breast as he crumbled crackers into his chili.\u00a0 \u201cTake this dickhead on and teach him the ways of state, Sammy.\u00a0 Yer my balls behind the throne, big shot!\u201d BOB threw his chili aside and shoved the red head onto the table. Dishes fell to the floor and shattered as BOB ripped her angelic clothes from her perfect body. He paused, looking up at Sammy, \u201cYou can go now,\u201d<\/p>\n Attending angels wrapped a blindfold around Sammy\u2019s eyes and dragged him forcibly from the hall.<\/p>\n So Sammy returned to the Holy Land, where he sought out young Sawblade.\u00a0 The Great Saw was anointed as king of all the Hebos and ruled in passable fashion.\u00a0 The people worshipped Saw, and BOB, and Sammy, and the guy known only as Will.\u00a0 It was Will who, according to ancient texts, was very liberal with the key to the soda machine.<\/p>\n When sacrifice time came around Sawblade was too lazy to go out back and get a pig.\u00a0 Instead, he rounded up three thousand Hebos and\u00a0 attempted to pass them off as three small goats.\u00a0 He was caught, and everyone thought less of him.\u00a0 However, this act was only a minor misdemeanor in temple politics, and Saw\u2019s position was not harmed.\u00a0 But, sensing his wrong-doing, he begged BOB\u2019s forgiveness.\u00a0 As punishment, one of his testicles shrunk.\u00a0 It was this act that made Saw terribly bitter.\u00a0 But he soon found the cure: he began to develop a fondness for little boys.<\/p>\n Thus it came to pass that a boy named Dil came upon the court.\u00a0 He had been hired to clean up the royal bird cage, but had quickly gotten the attention of King Saw who named this child, affectionately, \u201cMy Little Drummer Boy.\u201d\u00a0 Saw brought the boy into the throne room and listened to him play the kazoo for hours, even during official meetings.\u00a0 Saw grew fat, and cruel, and molested Dil viciously with his limp penis, bony fist, and shrunken testicle.\u00a0 Thus it was not long before the people clamoured for a new king.<\/p>\n Oh, but that was some time in the future.\u00a0 Let\u2019s dwell on the subject of child abuse, white slavery, and all the things which make suburban gossip so much fun.\u00a0 There was poor orphaned Dil, who had never known woman, and became dissatisfied with the fairer sex over the years. Dil saw this same trait in his father at an early age. His father had joined a \u201cmasculine cult,\u201d the object to perfect oral sex within one\u2019s own gender. Disgusted by these acts, Dil\u2019s mother left with a latino \u201clove god\u201d and left Dil alone with his troubled psyche. His father soon became lost in the cult, vanishing one day in a train of camels. Dil became ward of the court.<\/p>\n In many ways, Sawblade reminded Dil of his father. The old, perverted king asked for the same things, forcing himself upon Dil night after night. It was the fisting that finally got to the Dil.\u00a0 The dreaded, \u201cBoy, I just saw this movie from Holland\u2026\u201d which began to haunt Dil\u2019s nights.\u00a0 Soon, as the young boy approached manhood, he became dissatisfied with his life.\u00a0 So, with the scars of a tormented youth, Dil wondered if one day BOB would look upon him.<\/p>\n \u201cOh BOB,\u201d Dil prayed, \u201cHave you forsaken me?\u201d<\/p>\n Flash to Bob Heavens (where there is hetero, non-molested sausage): \u201cYou bitch, you\u2019ll never get me\u2026\u201d BOB says softly.<\/p>\n The Redhead, letting her glorious hair fall about her creamy and perfect skin, brings a whip from behind her back. Her perfect breasts heave as she takes a deep breath, her lean body shining in the light of the lava lamps.\u00a0 \u201cGet on your fucking knees slave\u2026I want your tongue.\u201d<\/p>\n BOB falls to his knees, \u201cYou bitch, I hate you.\u201d<\/p>\n The redhead whips BOB brutally, \u201cYou\u2019re mommy\u2019s little girl now!\u00a0 Mommy\u2019s fucking little girl!!\u201d<\/p>\n BOB quivers with delight as the whip rains down on him.<\/p>\n Meanwhile, on Earth: The Hebos had grown fond of the ever persecuted Dil, and they began to demand that Dil be put on the throne instead of that \u201clarge effeminate man.\u201d\u00a0 These protests angered Saw, and he began to punish Dil viciously so that the child would develop a severe complex and be unfit for the throne. Well, more of a complex than usual so that he would be more unfit for the throne.\u00a0 However, Dil was surviving such sexual abuse through the careful ministrations of a kindly beggar woman.\u00a0 She came to him on his thirteenth birthday, no doubt sent by BOB, and taught him the ways of watersports and fecal eating. As she resembled his long-missing mother, Dil eventually developed much more of a complex concerning women.\u00a0 The soon to be child-king eventually fled to the desert, where he raised a paramilitary force and stealthily began to organize a major military coup.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Chapter Two “King Sawblade and His Merry Shepherd”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[55],"tags":[115,150],"class_list":["post-320","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-boblehub-20","tag-boble","tag-old-testicle"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/320","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=320"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/320\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":944,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/320\/revisions\/944"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=320"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=320"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=320"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nBOB has been cornered by a pepperminty redheaded angel. She steps out of her night gown and shines her radiant beauty towards the great deity.<\/p>\n