I\u2019ve been charting the highly artificial panic for years in the forums<\/a>.<\/p>\nThe one ritual that is starting to fade is the ridiculously long list of school closings on the radio.\u00a0 I love waking up to the announcer rattling off closings and delays.\u00a0 It\u2019s sort of like watching planes leave and wondering where they\u2019re going.\u00a0 The announcer gets into all these weird, far-flung counties out in the mountains of western Maryland, down in the commuter hell of southern Maryland, and over in the Satanic east.\u00a0 Virginia counties are always a mystery, as well.\u00a0 \u201cAnd in Kill Black People County, schools are closed.\u00a0 Except for black schools, which are open without bus service and children aren\u2019t allowed to wear coats.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then the long list becomes muddled with colleges, universities, and weird ass private schools.\u00a0 Oh!\u00a0 Evening kindergarten at Our Lady of the Hopeless Impotence is closed!\u00a0 And no evening classes at Countess Spanks-a-lot\u2019s lodge?\u00a0 Damn.<\/p>\n
Nowadays, most announcers cover the big counties around DC, and then tell you to go online for all the shit.\u00a0 Which is annoying.\u00a0 The closings and delays announcement takes them about 20 seconds now as opposed to a mind-bending five minutes or so where, because you tuned in after your location was announced, leaves you on edge.\u00a0 Areweclosed areweclosed ohmygod!!<\/p>\n
We don\u2019t get much snow these days, though.\u00a0 Three inches is a big deal.\u00a0 But, when I was a kid, it wasn\u2019t unreasonable to expect at least one storm that resulted in a foot of snow, and we got a few blizzards.<\/p>\n
Ever since the Rapture, it\u2019s been a lot warmer around here.\u00a0 But real estate prices are down, so it\u2019s a fair trade.\u00a0 But I do miss those big storms.\u00a0 The snowbound days in the house watching repeats and sipping hot cocoa.<\/p>\n
Except I don\u2019t remember them that way because mom was a violent drunk and I was victimized by neighborhood bullies Ganon and Marek Rich.\u00a0 Aren\u2019t those awesome bully names?\u00a0 I\u2019ve long been suspicious that I\u2019m not real and am, in fact, a semi-self-aware character in a Highlights <\/em>magazine.<\/p>\nGanon and Marek were fucking assholes and I really hope they\u2019re leading sad lives today. If they aren\u2019t, then please let me know what I can do to make it harder for them.<\/p>\n
During the biggest snowstorm in DC history since black and white photographs, I dug out a whole bunch of tunnels and crawled around pretending I was in the Viet Cong and killing all of my neighbors.\u00a0 I think I was about ten or so, and I\u2019m actually surprised I didn\u2019t get trapped and die in the tunnels.\u00a0 If I\u2019m recalling correctly, we had about three to four feet, and then the snowplow piled up a huge wall in front of the house (where the tunnels were).<\/p>\n
Well, Ganon and Marek just couldn\u2019t leave me alone as I happily played on my own and imagined the streets running with the blood of my neighbors, the dog walkers, and the other children.\u00a0 They came along, beat me up, then destroyed the tunnels.\u00a0 And, once inside, mom told me to man up and called me a tinkerbell.<\/p>\n
Which is where my confusion began because, even at ten, I wanted to fuck the shit out of that glittering fairy bitch.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Why is Tinkerbell\u2019s name used to call someone a homosexual?\u00a0 I mean, I get that she\u2019s a fairy and all, but Tinkerbell is fucking sexy!\u00a0 Why would you call a guy Tinkerbell unless you were really attracted to him?\u00a0 That\u2019s …<\/p>\n
Not quite a snow day<\/span> Read More »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[109],"class_list":["post-303","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-rants","tag-snowstorm"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/303","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=303"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/303\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":961,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/303\/revisions\/961"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=303"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=303"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=303"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
![](\"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/uploads\/userfiles\/3\/Tinkerbell_2.jpg\")
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