<\/p>\n
Chapter Four
\n\u201cDesert, Bread, Chicken Sandwiches, Water\u201d<\/p>\n
So everyone was hungry.\u00a0 In a desperate attempt to feed his people, Blo tried to call out for pizza (as translated by Erin):<\/p>\n
\u201cCould you please send four thousand extra large pizzas out into the desert?\u201d<\/p>\n
The pizza guy registered surprise.\u00a0 Well, according to the 2009 edit of this translation.\u00a0 In 1989, he spoke with an exaggerated Italian accent.\u00a0 I just had to change it.<\/p>\n
\u201cI’m quite serious.\u00a0 We’re starving out here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYa damn prank callers!\u201d\u00a0 And, with that, the pizza guy hung up on poor Blo.<\/p>\n
Blo cared deeply for his people, and he was crestfallen that he would not be able to feed them as they had hoped. So Blo sat back and thought about the options – as the entire future of the Hebo tribe may well depend on his survival instincts. At the time, Blo was living in a tremendous palace which was alternately dragged across the desert, or placed on the backs of his Hebo slaves. He took all of the food and water as a \u2018sacrifice to needed functions\u2019. This action was perfectly justified, for Blo needed his full capabilities intact if he were to think up an alternative plan to save his people. If he had been starving, or dying of thirst, Blo may not have been able to take care of the Hebos as expertly as he was currently doing. During this period, Blo put on an extra 105 pounds and drank a little too much gin. But he was still the leader of his people.<\/p>\n
Thus it was that Blo, in his corpulent state of dictatorship, was somewhat taken aback when Chief Foreman Bill of the Hebos approached Blo\u2019s dinner table one night.<\/p>\n
\u201cSay, Blo,\u201d the chief foreman began without preamble, \u201cevery Hebo is starving.\u00a0 We’ve been forced to eat sand and drink sunshine for the past…oh…seventy decades.\u00a0 Has BOB abandoned us?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d replied Blo (translated by Erin), \u201cBOB is currently engaged in an illicit sexual affair with a girl named Eve.\u00a0 I’ll be sure to talk with him when…oh, excuse me.\u201d Blo and Erin moved back as a king’s feast was laid out on the diamond banquet table set up next to the indoor swimming pool.<\/p>\n
Bill continued. \u201cAnother thing, Blo, how come the entire Hebo tribe – all ten thousand of us – have to carry your palace on our backs?\u00a0 You’ve got seven stories of capitalistic decadence…cable TV, a phone, a swimming pool, an observatory… Isn’t all this a bit much?\u201d<\/p>\n
Blo considered this statement. \u201cBill,\u201d Blo said, \u201cI don’t know what yer talkin’ about.\u00a0 Yer one deluded asshole, ya know that?\u00a0 What the hell is this cable TV business?\u201d<\/p>\n
Bill scratched his head, \u201cMaybe you’re right… I suppose we all could be imagining this. I’ll go take a nap or something; it’s this heat, man.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHey,\u201d Blo said with a wave of his hand, \u201cno problem.\u201d<\/p>\n
And so Bill, confused and angry, stumbled towards the elevator.<\/p>\n
And then Blo awoke from his fevered dream. (Yes, it was all a dream.)\u00a0 He was lying out under the cold desert sky, alone and drifting in and out of hallucinations.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat is the meaning of this dream?\u201d he asked (translated).<\/p>\n
\u201cIt is a message!\u201d decreed BOB in his loudest voice, speaking from the studly heavens.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut what type of message?\u201d pleaded Blo.<\/p>\n
BOB snickered as Mistress Eve began to braid the hair on his leg with her tongue.\u00a0 \u201cA message about…\u201d BOB brought a bullhorn to his mouth and leaned over so that Blo could fully hear the heavenly voice, \u201cA message about bread.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhutt…?\u201d Blo slurred.<\/p>\n
\u201cI shall sendeth you\u2026umm\u2026.<\/p>\n
\u201cRain down,\u201d Eve whispered, her hands working their way up BOB\u2019s leg.<\/p>\n
\u201cUmmm\u2026I shall rain down upon your people heavy baskets of slightly stale bread! Then shall I send you quail!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe vice-president?\u201d asked Blo.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t be a fool!\u201d BOB shouted through his bullhorn, \u201cNo one ever remembers vice-presidents. That joke is completely obscure.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLook,\u201d Blo said, \u201ccan you just come down here and talk to me like a normal person?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d Eve muttered, unzipping BOB\u2019s pants and swallowing his supreme member.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat is quail anyway?\u201d Blo asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cUm\u2026\u201d BOB screwed up his face as Eve performed masterful fellatio. She eventually drew back to catch her breath, looking up at BOB. \u201cIt\u2019s a type of bird.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cQuail, I think, is a type of bird,\u201d BOB said to Blo.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, okay.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd thus,\u201d BOB said, \u201cshall the Hebos collect their daily portion. I shalleth observeth if they obey my commands, and if they do not I shall cause painful genital diseases to strike them down.\u201d<\/p>\n
And thus, Blo told the people to collect the bread that would fall from the sky.\u00a0 The people waited upon their knees, not moving until sunset.\u00a0 When BOB looked down upon them, he was confused. He spoke through a thunderburst to his loyal servants, \u201cWhy is it you look to Bob Heavens (Where there is yummy sausage)?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe await the bread from you, Great BOB,\u201d said Blo, translat\u00aded.<\/p>\n
\u201cHa! You bought that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut, BOB…\u201d Blo said, translated.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay, okay. I\u2019ve got some sausage. Boy, have I got some sausage! Anyway, I\u2019ve got this stuff, so I\u2019ll send it down upon you bitches.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you, BOB.\u201d Blo replied.<\/p>\n
And, lo, BOB sendeth the sausage. The people ate all night and threw up the next day.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd for my next nifty stunt, I shall cause soda to flow from the rocks,\u201d BOB said.
\n(Beneath the noise of the booming thunderburst, the Hebos could hear the complaining voice of Mistress Eve: \u201cBOB, honey, stop starting sentences with \u2018and\u2019.\u201d)<\/p>\n
And so soda burst forth from the rocks.\u00a0 Thus the Hebos decided to live there, in the middle of the desert.\u00a0 They ate sausage and drank soda and, as the years passed, corruption grew amongst the people.\u00a0 A war was fought with this guy from the Unitarian Church – but that’s not impor\u00adtant.\u00a0 Blo had minor trouble with his father-in-law, who happened to be a judge (that’s a cool story!).\u00a0 After being reprimanded by his entire family, Blo was put on trial.<\/p>\n
The next morning, when a number of witnesses for the prosecution were found mutilated by a machete, Blo swore that a desert bat had gotten a machete stuck in its wings and had become frantic when trapped in each of the victim\u2019s tents.\u00a0 Blo was found completely innocent after that.\u00a0 In fact, most everybody started to do whatever he bid of them.\u00a0 Amazing how a few gruesome murders of key witnesses can have the same effect as, say, a Reichstag fire.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[55],"tags":[115,150],"class_list":["post-302","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-boblehub-20","tag-boble","tag-old-testicle"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/302","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=302"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/302\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":960,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/302\/revisions\/960"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=302"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=302"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=302"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}