Looking to kill as much time as possible during the long, mind-bending, soul-sucking hours at my day job, I turned to News channel 8, our not so groovy local news service, in the hopes of finding queer little incidents not fit for the big time news sites.\u00a0 It’s always nice to sit here in my office and watch live video of the police breaking into my apartment and confiscating all the movies I’ve copied from Netflix.<\/p>\n
The list of headlines for DC, Maryland, and Virginia left me a little speechless, though…<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Today’s top headlines from The District:<\/p>\n
district headlines<\/p>\n
* Missing D.C. Teen Found Safe
\n* Jan. 20 Leaves The Mall a Real Mess
\n* Smoke Evacuates White House Branch
\n* Body Found in National Park
\n* Giant Recalls Dessert Sauces
\n* Group Holds Inaugural Do-Over
\n* Police Investigate SE Shooting
\n* Ticket Holders Blocked From Event<\/p><\/blockquote>\nOoh!\u00a0 Dessert sauce scandal!\u00a0 The Mall’s messy!\u00a0 Adorable kittens rescued by heroic man with lantern jaw!<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, across the Potomac Ocean in Virginia:<\/p>\n
virginia headlines<\/p>\n
* Diesel Tanker Overturns
\n* Loudoun County Property Values Drop
\n* Arrest Made in Abduction, Assault
\n* Somber Chinese New Year at VT
\n* Court to Hear Moussaoui Case
\n* KKK Leaves Fliers in Leesburg
\n* Va. County Adopts New Grading Scale
\n* Pedestrian Fatally Struck<\/p><\/blockquote>\nThe KKK used up their Kinkos gift card!\u00a0 And…uh…Chinese New Year?<\/p>\n
Finally, at home in Maryland:<\/p>\n
maryland headlines<\/p>\n
* Supreme Court to Hear Md. Case
\n* Teen Pleads Guilty in Bludgeoning
\n* Police Investigate Double Murder
\n* Teen Guilty in Rape of Child
\n* Environmental Report Withheld
\n* Multi-Car Crash Traps Pedestrian
\n* County Considers Major Development
\n* Man Hurt After Car Battery Explodes<\/p><\/blockquote>\nJesus… When suburbia goes wrong.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Looking to kill as much time as possible during the long, mind-bending, soul-sucking hours at my day job, I turned to News channel 8, our not so groovy local news service, in the hopes of finding queer little incidents not …<\/p>\n