Twenty-eight.\u00a0 Wilson.\u00a0 The First World War.\u00a0 We ended up in Silver Spring, Maryland, at the Quarry House.\u00a0 None of us could remember how that happened, but it did, and so we made the best of it.\u00a0 Energy was flagging all around, and David and James had opted for Vodka and Red Bull while I played around with the wildly exciting beer menu.\u00a0 There was no link to Wilson\u2019s era at the Quarry House, but the subterranean bar may have represented a warm place of safety for our tortured, withered souls.\u00a0 We were also moving into the Prohibition, and the Quarry House did have a vague speakeasy feel.<\/p>\n
\nCounting by the empty glasses in front of me, we hadn\u2019t spoken in some time.\u00a0 I remember only long stretches of hateful silence as each of us stared into pools of alcohol.\u00a0 A waitress brought me a coke and grinned when I stared at her in horror.<\/p>\n
\u201cTwenty-nine.\u201d\u00a0 James hissed.<\/p>\n
The waitress squinted, \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPresident.\u201d James slurred.<\/p>\n
\u201cHarding.\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d The waitress took a step back, ready to call for help.<\/p>\n
\u201cTwenty-ninth president,\u201d I told her, \u201cWas Harding.\u201d<\/p>\n
James sighed.\u00a0 \u201cWhat the fuck did he do\u2026motherfucker.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you boys up to?\u201d the waitress asked.<\/p>\n
I tried to smile, \u201cWe\u2019re assigning a theme drink or bar to each president.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo you\u2019ve been to twenty-nine bars so far?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe cheated here and there,\u201d David said, asking for a refill.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow long you all been at this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSince 2pm!\u201d David said proudly.<\/p>\n
The waitress checked her watch.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s a fair spell.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s he known for?\u201d James asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cTeapot Dome,\u201d I told him.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat the fuck is that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe Harding Administration allowed buddy-buds to bid on oil-rich land without competition.\u00a0 One in buttfuck somewhere and the other in California.\u00a0 So these two magnates took over these ultra-rich oil fields that originally belonged to the government and should have been auctioned off fairly with competitors and all that shit.\u00a0 Amusingly, all this was to the tune of a few hundred thousand dollars.\u00a0 But I guess that had more weight in the 20\u2019s.\u00a0 The more you read about Teapot Dome, the more it\u2019s like Austin Powers.\u00a0 And I will have this oil field\u2026 For one\u2026thousand\u2026dollars!!!\u201d<\/p>\n
David\u2019s drink arrived.\u00a0 I hadn\u2019t even noticed the coming and going of the waitress.\u00a0 \u201cI always got the impression that you were rich if you had a quarter back then.\u201d David said.\u00a0 \u201cWhat a fucking waste.\u00a0 How did those primitives afford computers and shit?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDavid.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c1920\u2019s.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA computer consisted of walnut shells and gnomes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDamn.\u00a0 Now I want a walnut shell gnome computer.\u00a0 I\u2019m a victim of advertising.\u201d James said.<\/p>\n
\u201cHave we decided where to drink?\u201d David asked.<\/p>\n
I handed him the beer menu.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m not going outside, it\u2019s cold.\u00a0 Get something that makes you think of Harding\u2019s underpants.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMGD.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThree Millers!\u201d James screamed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Twenty-eight.\u00a0 Wilson.\u00a0 The First World War.\u00a0 We ended up in Silver Spring, Maryland, at the Quarry House.\u00a0 None of us could remember how that happened, but it did, and so we made the best of it.\u00a0 Energy was flagging all …<\/p>\n