<\/p>\n
Chapter Two
\n\u201cSlithery Staff, Bloody Water, Ozzie and Harriet Kill and Kill Again\u201d<\/p>\n
BOB continued. \u201cLet’s give this a test run.\u00a0 Okay?\u00a0 Ready?\u00a0 Blo says the words and Erin translates for public consumption.\u00a0 So, let’s begin: I want you to go to the Fayro and say -\u201d<\/p>\n
Blo uttered the words and Erin translated on cue, \u201cWe are Hebos; let our people go.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cExcellent!\u201d BOB barked and the burning bush flared.\u00a0 \u201cAnd, assuming the Fayro will tell you where to stick it, have Blo beat his staff upon the ground.\u00a0 Thus shall I deliver a curse upon the Fayro, and, in witness to my power, he shall let the Hebos go.\u00a0 I am BOB and I love my people…though I did drown them all once…but\u2026well, there was\u2026well, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah,\u201d Erin replied, \u201cWe got it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGood, good.\u201d BOB replied, \u201cBecause\u2026I mean\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, yes!\u00a0 We know.\u201d<\/p>\n
So Blo and Erin went to the Fayro where, because of Blo\u2019s status, they were able to meet with Adolf right away.<\/p>\n
The Fayro was pouring over maps and playing with little plastic army figures, \u201cAh, my adopted grandson. What do you have for me today?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe’re Hebos, and we demand that you let our people go, you Middle Eastern pig-dog.\u201d Blo said and Erin translated.<\/p>\n
\u201cUm\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n
The Fayro\u2019s adjutant looked dumbfounded, \u201cYou told the guard at the gate you were selling candy for your college.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat was just to get our foot in the door,\u201d Erin explained.<\/p>\n
The Fayro nodded, thinking that this woman – despite her Heboishness – was looking very shaftable.\u00a0 The translators would like to avoid mentioning the Fayro’s pornographic thoughts, as The Boble is a work intended to bring the word of BOB to people everywhere in a friendly and politically correct nature.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo no candy?\u201d the Fayro leered.<\/p>\n
Erin replied haughtily, \u201cNo! We are political activists here to demand that you free the enslaved Hebos.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d the Fayro asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u00a0 Well…\u201d Erin looked around, then thought of her answer and shot it back, \u201cA bush told us to do this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah?\u201d the Fayro replied.<\/p>\n
\u201cOur BOB demands it!\u201d Erin added.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour BOB doesn’t really watch after you.\u00a0 He’s off on vacation all the time, he doesn’t watch out for what happens, and he lets evil run rampant throughout the world.\u201d<\/p>\n
Oh, he\u2019s got us there.<\/em> Blo thought.<\/p>\n \u201cBesides,\u201d the Fayro continued, \u201cI don\u2019t really believe he\u2019s a supreme deity.\u00a0 More like a some guy deity.\u201d<\/p>\n Erin glanced at Blo, who was looking a little worried.\u00a0 She shook her head, then spoke in harsh words, \u201cThen we will make you believe in BOB\u2019s supremacy!\u201d<\/p>\n Blo beat his staff on the ground and said something akin to `behold’, but it came out real funny.\u00a0 Erin didn’t bother to translate since a thousand little garter snakes appeared instantly and Blo cried out again.\u00a0 Blo was deathly afraid of snakes, so he hopped into Erin’s arms and gritted his teeth while the snake-curses slithered around the throne room.<\/p>\n \u201cNeat,\u201d the Fayro replied.\u00a0 \u201cBut, since my regime dabbles in the black arts, I can countermand this curse and show you how it’s done.\u201d\u00a0 Thus he called his court sorcerers who turned their staves into long pieces of polished wood.<\/p>\n \u201cThere,\u201d the Fayro said, pointing to the polished wood, \u201csee?\u201d<\/p>\n Erin and Blo were then removed from the palace grounds.<\/p>\n So Blo returned to BOB.<\/p>\n \u201cWell?\u201d asked BOB.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat the hell do you think, garter-snake boy?\u201d Blo snarled, his words translated by the grace of BOB.<\/p>\n \u201cThey bested us.\u201d Erin reported, \u201cThe Fayro called in magicians of his own who brought powerful staves.\u00a0 The magicians then turned their staves into staves and back.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh well, we’ll try again.\u201d BOB said, the bush sparking modestly.\u00a0 \u201cgive me a little while to think of something even more impressive.\u201d<\/p>\n So Erin and Blo took five.\u00a0 Blo went and compulsively washed his hands until they were raw, while Erin called up a girl she knew and tried to talk her into a date.\u00a0 Erin wasn’t a man yet, but she could still fist a bitch like the best of them.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Tabby,\u201d Erin said as soon as the target answered the phone.<\/p>\n Tabby was pissed, \u201cWhat are you doing calling me on the phone before the damn thing’s even been invented?\u201d<\/p>\n Erin smiled at the receiver, \u201cThe Boble is so full of inconsistencies, I can’t see where a little phone call can hurt.\u00a0 Besides, I’m a key player.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cReally?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, open up to the book of Exit; Stage Everywhere and see.\u201d<\/p>\n Erin heard the rustling of pages, then Tabby said, \u201cHoly shit, Erin.\u00a0 I’m in here too!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah,\u201d Erin replied, \u201cSay, what are you doing with a Boble so close? Are you one of those born-again types?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo!\u201d Tabby laughed, \u201cI’m just like most women: BOB rocks my boxers.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell\u2026right, then.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo what do you want?\u201d Tabby asked.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, I – uh – was wondering if you’d like to go out and – uh – that is, I mean… Would you like to go out and – uh – fuck?\u00a0 Or something?\u201d Erin was never good at asking women out.\u00a0 She was even worse with guys, but, oddly enough, guys responded to her more willingly.<\/p>\n Tabby was hesitant, obviously wanting to avoid the situation.\u00a0 \u201cOh, I’m sorry Erin…I – uh – have to take a shower…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can join you,\u201d Erin replied.\u00a0 \u201cOr maybe afterwards?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, no… Afterwards, I – uh – have to write a letter to my shampoo company and tell them how pleased I am with their product.\u201d<\/p>\n Erin sniffed, rejected again.\u00a0 She tried to say goodbye without her voice breaking, and then she went into the bathroom and cried for an hour.\u00a0 Then she went out for ice cream.<\/p>\n When she returned, she went by way of the burning bush, where BOB had appeared in a deck chair. He was drinking a blue mixed drink and playing pinochle with Blo.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, Erin!\u201d BOB said, \u201cThank me, you’re back.\u00a0 I can’t understand a fucking word Blo says.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGriy!\u201d Blo shouted.<\/p>\n \u201cHe said `gin’.\u201d Erin said, shaking slightly, as she sat down next to Blo.<\/p>\n BOB blinked, confused.\u00a0 \u201cBut we’re not playing gin…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo what’s next?\u201d Erin asked.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, yeah – \u201c BOB reached into the pocket of his leather bomber jacket and pulled out a piece of paper.\u00a0 The sun reflected off the white surface, so BOB put on his purple-reflective reading glasses, \u201cUh… Go back to the Fayro, give him the same message, and then hit your staff against the floor if he doesn’t cooperate.\u00a0 Be near that fancy fountain of his that flows throughout the entire palace.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNear the fountain?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cUh-huh,\u201d BOB grinned malevolently.<\/p>\n So Blo went to the Fayro, and Erin delivered the message.<\/p>\n The Fayro replied, \u201cI kicked you out once, don’t make this a habit.\u00a0 The answer is, of \u201cExcuse me,\u201d Erin interrupted.<\/p>\n The Fayro composed himself. \u201cYes, well\u2026\u00a0 It’s hard to find good \u2018field employees\u2019 these days.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen it will be!\u201d translated Erin, \u201cBehold the wrath of BOB!\u201d<\/p>\n Blo touched the fountain with his staff and it turned bloody.<\/p>\n The Fayro, realizing that combating this couple’s dementia was impossible, had Erin and Blo removed from the palace grounds.<\/p>\n The Hebos were no closer to freedom.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[55],"tags":[115,150],"class_list":["post-283","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-boblehub-20","tag-boble","tag-old-testicle"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/283","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=283"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/283\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":973,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/283\/revisions\/973"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=283"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=283"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=283"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\ncourse, no.\u00a0 I need the Hebo’s to build my arch of triumph, through which my glorious troops will march after their baptism of fire. That will be the beginning of the thousand year -\u201c<\/p>\n