Tonight on The Boble:\u00a0 Rape, abuse, homosexuality, racism, sodomy and religious absolutism.\u00a0 I shall leave you as you left me.\u00a0 As you left her. Marooned for all eternity in the center of a dead planet\u2026buried alive\u2026buried alive\u2026
\n<\/p>\n
Chapter Six
\n\u201cNever Mind The Camel Jockeys, It\u2019s Abe, Is-Ak & Joe!\u201d<\/p>\n
Okay, so let’s try and gain some focus here.\u00a0 It’s been a heck of a ride, and at this point things get even worse.\u00a0 The Hebo tribe, led by Abrahamilton, settled down in the desert and began to act like decent Human beings. For a change.\u00a0 After all, how could a people loyal to BOB continue on as nomadic hunter-gatherers?\u00a0 To top the food chain, they had to develop DDT…then agriculture upon which to use DDT.\u00a0 But now we enter into Enviro-fascism, and that’s another story. Eine Volks, Eine Reich, Eine Tree!\u00a0 Regardless of agriculture and apparent sociological advances, the Hebos were still a very isolated tribe.\u00a0 As a result, Abrahamilton was forced to take on many more wives in addition to Vinyl and the maid who birthed Male.\u00a0 The genealogy is a little confusing and, if you study it long enough, it becomes clear that there was a considerable amount of inbreeding going on.\u00a0 Or something.\u00a0 In previous editions of the Boble, we\u2019ve discussed Abrahamilton\u2019s family tree with the assistance of a spreadsheet and a West Virginia family counselor.\u00a0 In the Modern Era Comet Catastrophe edition, however, we\u2019ve decided to take that page out.\u00a0 Mainly to improve the flow of the Boble because people can get distracted by pointless, rambling paragraphs.\u00a0 Like this one.\u00a0 So I was watching the new Space: 1999<\/em> DVD\u2019s the other day and it suddenly occurred to me that it was actually a pretty awful show.\u00a0 Yet I couldn\u2019t stop watching them\u2026 By the time I had watched 12 episodes, I totally became obsessed with Space 1999: The Next Generation.\u00a0 I think Juliet Landau should take over her father\u2019s role and act just like she does on Buffy<\/em>.<\/p>\n Um\u2026 Oh, yes.\u00a0 Abrahamilton had other wives and stuff.\u00a0 What you need to know is that another son was born unto Abrahamilton, and that son was circumcised according to the great covenant.\u00a0 At this point, Abrahamilton was nine trillion years old – a young man for the times.\u00a0 He named his new son Is-Ak, and then he told Male to go away.\u00a0 Male is important, of course, but Is-Ak is even more important.\u00a0 Not just because he was the new baby, or better looking than his siblings, but simply because Abrahamilton was so fucking old it was a miracle he had another kid.\u00a0 Is-Ak\u2019s birth was BOB\u2019s hand at work.\u00a0 To some, this may be a punishment.\u00a0 Hard to chase kids around with bad knees, don’t you know.\u00a0 But whether blessing or curse, it had come from BOB, and therefore achieved a shady grey level between those two possibilities.<\/p>\n Vinyl had gone through much pain to have the child and it had nearly killed her.\u00a0 Because of that, Abrahamilton loved and nurtured Is-Ak even more so.\u00a0 He regarded Is-Ak as his favorite son, the light of the world, the only creature who fed his essence.\u00a0 But it was time for the holocaust, which is the name for the persecution of the Jews under the Nazi regime in\u2026 Oh, no.\u00a0 Wait a minute.\u00a0 Yes, here it is: \u201cA thorough destruction by fire, often ceremonial.\u201d\u00a0 Sorry about that.<\/p>\n This time around, BOB had decided to test Abrahamilton.\u00a0 The old coot was a bit too addled to display love for BOB, so the young and powerful BOB decided that he needed physical and emotional proof of loyalty.\u00a0 BOB was always young and powerful, so this was a recurring problem with aged followers of Bobism.\u00a0 The young never \u201cgot\u201d the old, even though the old could \u201cjive\u201d just as well.\u00a0 BOB, being infinite, was only about 27 god-years old.\u00a0 Whole universes had risen up and tumbled between Christmas and BOB’s 27th birthday, so this small number is multiplied by infinity in Human years.\u00a0 Regardless, BOB maintained a somewhat youthful attitude.\u00a0 He was in debt, for instance, and often had to force angels to perform temporary repairs on the Bobmobile.\u00a0 Far be it for BOB to go to a mechanic.\u00a0 (In later years, the Great One would create a religious office specifically for a mechanic.)\u00a0 BOB also displayed an odd fascination with redheads that only the testosterone of youth could summon (and, ultimately, satiate).\u00a0 For many millennia, it was necessary for all women to dye their hair red upon entering BOB Heavens (where the sausage has digressed from the story).\u00a0 Lately, though, BOB keeps company with raven-haired beauties, but that’s probably just a passing thing.<\/p>\n \u201cTake your son,\u201d BOB said unto Abe, \u201cand cook him in a pressure cooker.\u00a0 Then eat him with little bits of anchovies.\u201d BOB was attempting to be funny, of course, as he was fully aware of Abrahamilton’s love for the child. (Omniscient humour, it’s tough stuff to write about.)\u00a0\u00a0 Abe, however, tended to take things literally.\u00a0 It took three days for Abe and Is-Ak to journey to the appropriate sacrificial area.\u00a0 Once they arrived, Abe made Is-Ak carry the Instalight logs which would be used for the holocaust.\u00a0 It almost looked like a cross was upon Is-Ak’s shoul\u00adders, but that would be such obvious foreshadowing that it borders on frivolity.<\/p>\n Once they came to the spot of sacrifice, Abe knocked Is-Ak on the head and forced his son to the ground.\u00a0 After sodomizing the boy one last time, Abe jammed the poor child into a pressure cooker and let the heat of the brilliant sun slowly cook Is-Ak alive.\u00a0 Abe watched through the little window as his son clawed and screamed.\u00a0 He found it erotic, in some way, and reminded himself to force his sexual will upon Vinyl when he returned home.<\/p>\n In the eighteenth hour of the holocaust, a messenger came from BOB and approached Abe.\u00a0 \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d the messenger asked, stunned by the horror taking place.<\/p>\n \u201cObeying BOB’s command.\u201d Abe answered simply, that crazed look in his eyes causing the messenger-angel to shudder slightly.<\/p>\n The messenger thought about this for a few moments before replying.\u00a0 \u201cOkay… Um, in that case, were you going to eat the boy with anchovies?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can’t bring myself to eat ancho\u00advies.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cVery good,\u201d the messenger replied, \u201conly servants of False Rob – the Eternal Freshman – eat anchovies.\u00a0 You have passed the test; blessed be you.\u00a0 Now\u2026 maybe you should let the boy out before he dies.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI cracked the window\u2026\u201d Abe said slowly, methodically, his eyes glazed and mindless.<\/p>\n The angel smiled uncomfortably, \u201cOkay\u2026 Right.\u00a0 Well, I\u2019ll be going now.\u00a0 Nice – uh – talking with you\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Abe did let Is-Ak out of the cooker eventually, during a brief moment of lucidity.<\/p>\n Is-Ak, then, continued to live with his father until old Abrahamilton died.\u00a0 Male, Is-Ak’s brother, went on to create the twelve tribes of Hebos and build a tremendous community.\u00a0 But Male was a poor politician, and the twelve tribes scattered across the globe after a fairly small misunderstanding.\u00a0 So we’ll just skip over that embarrassment.\u00a0 Likewise, Is-Ak’s life and marriage – while of holy importance – are inconsequential in narrative terms up to the point of the birth of Jake.\u00a0 Now, Jake and Is-Ak are the real patriarchs of the Hebos.\u00a0 From their over-ripe loins would spring the entire Hebo race. Well\u2026 a lot of it.\u00a0 Abrahami\u00adlton humped what he could, but these two would put him to shame.<\/p>\n Jake, son of Is-Ak, was a deceiver.\u00a0 He did many bad things and hated his new step-mother. Is-Ak had freaked out later in life and had gone native. He had married a black lesbian and this truly upset the family.<\/p>\n BOB wasn\u2019t really disturbed by this, though.\u00a0 But he did take every chance he could to make fun of lesbians, usually to an audience of female angels\u2026 They received the jokes coolly, but BOB never seemed to notice.<\/p>\n So the whole strange parental issue thing explains the erratic behavior of Jake.\u00a0 When Is-Ak was an ancient, Jake decided to take full advantage of the old man.\u00a0 This, Jake thought, would please BOB.\u00a0 But BOB had stopped paying attention a few years ago and was preoccupied with avoiding False Rob’s phone calls.\u00a0 Unaware of such things, Jake continued on his course of treachery.\u00a0 Is-Ak had had another son, Ecodmante\u00adnde.\u00a0 This son was straight from the fetid womb of the black lesbian.<\/p>\n Is-Ak, blind in his old age, was too addled to tell the difference between his two sons.\u00a0 If Is-Ak himself were black, the solution would be simple: One son had soul, and the other son only had soul when he was driving a vintage Volkswagen.\u00a0 Since Is-Ak was Whytie, however, it was difficult for him to tell much of anything about the world around him. Jake’s deception was flawless.\u00a0 He received Is-Ak’s blessing and became ruler over the house of Is-Ak.\u00a0 This upset Ecodmantende, but Jake had him sold to a merchant from the America’s, and that effectively solved the problem.<\/p>\n Jake’s illustrious career can be found in Volume Seven of Who’s Who In The World of Hebo Profiteers, and bears little importance on the world of BOB.\u00a0 His ultimate gift to the Bobological world was Joe, his meek and somewhat inadequate son.\u00a0 And we\u2019ll get to meet him next time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Tonight on The Boble:\u00a0 Rape, abuse, homosexuality, racism, sodomy and religious absolutism.\u00a0 I shall leave you as you left me.\u00a0 As you left her. Marooned for all eternity in the center of a dead planet\u2026buried alive\u2026buried alive\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[55],"tags":[115,150],"class_list":["post-261","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-boblehub-20","tag-boble","tag-old-testicle"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/261","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=261"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/261\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1002,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/261\/revisions\/1002"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=261"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=261"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=261"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}