<\/p>\n
So what have we covered? Publishers hate you,
\nyou’re lazy and can’t write and you only need to sell one copy of your
\nbook to each student on the University of Maryland College Park campus
\nin order to outsell Stephen King. Not quite so romantic, eh? Well, you
\ndid want to make money at this, right? Right? I know it’s a calling, I
\nknow it’s stuff that comes from the soul and gives you rewards that are
\nricher and deeper than the meaningless gold stars and sub-supervisory
\npositions in the office world. I know it’s dreams on paper and ideas
\nfrom heaven, but you also need to live. In these enlightened days, Lady
\nWorthington-Smyth isn’t going to take you in and set you up in the
\ndisused East Wing – wear my deceased husband’s suits and get us more
\ntea, dear. No, you’re in the brave new world and you want to write. And
\nI mean write, as in that’s what you do all day until you take your gin
\nand juice break.<\/p>\n
Let’s look at the desired schedule. You want to
\nmake 1.5 million a year doing nothing but writing? Okay, first you need
\nto write about six books. And, goddamnit, they’d better be popular. How
\nabout a series? A hard boiled detective…searches…
\nfor…a…romance…spaceship…death…sex scene…escapes in final reel…<\/p>\n
A series is going to be easier to sell, but the market is flooded, yes?
\nSo you need a series with a unique twist. Have medical training? Maybe
\nyour hero is a doctor. Your best friend is a retired New Orleans cop?
\nYou hold an MA in ancient Greek history? Oh-ho! A Greek doctor
\ndetective…searches…for…romance…death…sex scene…<\/p>\n
Son! Sign right here! And on this page. And initial here. And here. And, again, here.<\/p>\n
Don’t want to get trapped in that pit because you’re a (gasp!) real
\nwriter? That’s okay, still think series. A string of unrelated fiction
\nnovels can also be a series as far as you’re concerned. The point is –
\nproduction. Think multiple targets, be they Detective Talking Cat or
\nthe great American novel – part fucking two.<\/p>\n
The ideal writing schedule should aim for 280-330 pages, draft one,
\nfinished in four months. Final draft to the editor within nine months.
\nIf you can do it earlier, bully for you. Hey, don’t sweat! That’s less
\nthan three pages a day to get to draft one.<\/p>\n
It’ll take the publisher another four months to sort themselves out and
\nget you on the bookstands so, by the time that hardback hits the
\nshelves, you should be done with the first draft of your second novel.
\nSee? Easy.<\/p>\n
How much will you make? The following is going to read like arcane
\ndemon summoning, but this is something every writer needs to know. Most
\ndon’t. Most are hoodwinked by the publishers. My source recently
\nadmitted to me that, if they catch a writer who doesn’t count, they’ll
\nplay games with the payments. That’s a promise.<\/p>\n
So your book is finished and sold, and you’re not J.K. Rowling (and you aren’t – no one is), what do the hard figures look like?<\/p>\n
It depends on circumstances, but here’s the most common breakdown (as in here’s what nine out of ten new<\/em> As an interesting sidenote, I have the Amazon Associates program (By the way — the affiliate program is free and open to everyone. You An important thing to keep in mind is that this is based on books sold to the public<\/em> After you sell 5000 copies, the royalty goes up according to whatever So if you sell over 5000 copies, you’ll typically see a percentage The advance check. Let’s say it’s $5,000. I’ve heard of first timers How do the returns work? Okay, still the first novel scenario, let’s See why I keep blathering about getting your name out there? People Alternatively, if your book moves like hotcakes and you are the next Got it? Now get this: You’re not special. Your 1000 page grief project won’t move.<\/p>\n I was sitting at dinner the other night, drowning myself in alcohol and How’d he beat rejection? When all looked hopeless, when the absinthe So that’s getting your name out. Make a splash, even though it looks to you like you’re in the kiddie pool.<\/p>\n Presentation<\/strong><\/p>\n Presentation! Before and after you do the work. Vitally important. Put
\nwriters will face): You get 10% of the proceeds per copy sold on the
\nfirst 5,000 copies. Note that you’re not making 10% off of the $22.95
\nretail price, you’re making 10% off of the net price that resellers
\npay. A reseller gets anywhere from 20%-50% off on the title, depending
\non how many copies they purchase. Say Barnes and Noble purchases 200
\ncopies of your book. List price is $22.95, they get 40% off of that —
\n$13.77, and you get 10% of that.<\/p>\n
\nrunning on most of my websites. Every time a book is sold through that,
\nI get 15%. Even if a book I don’t feature is sold, I get 5%. That’s off
\nthe list price, as well. Yep, you got it. Any website on the Amazon
\nprogram will make more than you per book sold.<\/p>\n
\ndon’t even need a website to run it. It works on email lists just fine.)<\/p>\n
\n– not to the reseller. So 200 copies to B&N, okay, but what if they
\nreturn 50 copies? That’s taken out of your account. You don’t pay, but
\nit’ll determine your royalty amounts. Say 10-20% of titles ordered are
\nreturned, so subtract that from your final balance. Publishers usually
\nhave to wait 6-12 months before they declare an item as “sold”. You
\nwon’t be waiting a year for money, but at any point in that year
\nSomething Scary could happen. In short, your income is never
\nguaranteed. Say there’s a $300 debit on your royalty account. You don’t
\nget a check until enough of your titles have sold to cover that debit.<\/p>\n
\nyou worked out in your contract. By the way, don’t forget that your
\nagent is getting 10% of whatever you’re getting.<\/p>\n
\nincrease to somewhere between 12-15%. At 10,000 you’ll move up a bit
\nmore, and so on. But you’ll hit a glass ceiling around the 20-25%
\nmargin. Don’t worry, though, only a few get that high. The odds are not
\nin your favor.<\/p>\n
\ngetting as much as a $12,000 advance. Bang! One, big, untaxed check (so
\nsubtract 30% from that come tax time, and I’ll mention the 10% to the
\nagent again). Of course, you’ll get a better deal on future titles if
\nyou write something that sells well. Write three or four “normal”
\nbestsellers and you’ll be getting very comfortable advance checks. (Or
\nwrite the next Harry Potter and your advance check for the fifth book
\nwill be 2.5 million.)<\/p>\n
\nsay B&N orders 1000 copies of your book. After, say, three or four
\nmonths, they move you down the ladder. Everyone who needs or wants the
\ntitle is supplied and they have 250 copies left which they can get full
\ncredit on, so they send them back to the publisher. Your royalty
\naccount is now debited based on the returns (because you got the juicy
\nadvance check half a year ago). So if it takes three months to sell the
\n250 copies, you get three months worth of statements but no checks.
\nNothing at all. Penniless.<\/p>\n
\naren’t inspired by the Hand of God to go buy your book. If they aren’t
\nbuying, then you’re starving. This is why you want multiple books out
\nthere, and you won’t get ahead until you do. If Jane’s Heaving Bosom<\/em> isn’t selling, that’s okay because Jane’s Adventures in Pink<\/em> is moving just fine.<\/p>\n
\nJ.K. Rowling, then stop reading now because there are bigger checks in
\nthe mail and you can become an alcoholic who flubs the deadlines
\nbecause the publisher loves you. Actually, Rowling sells millions of
\ncopies. She’s a bad example – she’s unique. All you have to do to make
\nthe publisher happy is sell 15-20,000 copies. Hard sales, no returns.
\nYou’ll be treated like Herod the Great. Rowling, of course, is Jesus.<\/p>\n
\nchatting with my source for these articles. He was telling me a story
\nabout Marc Leepson, author of the best-selling Saving Monticello<\/em>,
\nwith whom he had had lunch with earlier that day. Leepson wrote up his
\nbook and had an obvious winner on his hands. He tried to sell it.
\nNothing. Shot down a dozen times until, finally, he managed to move it
\nwith one of Simon & Schuster’s imprints. Amongst the folks who
\nrefused him (rudely, coldly, cruelly) was the University of Virginia
\nPress. So Simon and Schuster put out the hardback, it sold like
\nfirewater and guess who made an exaggerated and expensive bid (and won)
\nthe paperback rights? You got it, UVA Press. Karmic vengeance. They
\nrejected him immediately when the proposal hit a few years ago, then
\nthey came crawling back with their checkbook between their legs.<\/p>\n
\nand the shotgun shells were all lined up on the kitchen table, he
\ndecided to chop out a snappy section from his manuscript-in-failure and
\nturn it into a magazine article, which he moved because magazines are
\ndesperate and hungry. He didn’t make any money, but it was a laurel for
\nhis head and the publishing world always takes notice of things like
\nthat. After repeating this formula successfully, Simon and Schuster
\nknew when he was coming and had the door open when he got there.<\/p>\n
\ntogether a groovy website…oh my God, is it a zine? Maybe. But don’t
\npost all 1000 pages of Jane’s Journey to Lesbos<\/em>.
\nNo, post a little at a time. The rest of the space is about
\nnewsletters, funny articles, insights, writers resume stuff. Be classy
\nabout it – you know, not like Greatsociety.org. Don’t kill your viewer,
\nbut do keep stringing them along. This is Totally Annoying when you’re
\nstarting out but, let’s say you have a book on the way or out there
\nalready… Hmmm. Your URL is on the inside jacket and you are On Hand to
\ntalk to your 298 fans. That, I’ll have you know, is like selling crack.
\nThose 298 people will come to the site every day and fervently read
\nyour stupid cast off articles. What is the worth of a single person?
\nWell, in our example above, it’s $22.95. Again and again and again…
\nUntil they die, then, I hope to God, their children inherit my books.<\/p>\n