Last time on \u201cThe Boble\u201d, the Duke boys had found themselves in a bit of a bind when Daisy finally admitted that she had\u2026. Hold on.\u00a0 Oh, yes.\u00a0 Sorry.\u00a0 It says here that the Earth was flooded, Nowaya survived and some other stuff happened.
\n<\/p>\n
Chapter Four
\n\u201cBobble, Tower of\u201d<\/p>\n
Paco and his best slave, Frank, rode through the approaches of the pass, the great mountains towering before them.\u00a0 Frank was a mute slave, in the service of Paco because there were only three other people who weren\u2019t slaves.\u00a0 There was Bill and his brother Sam and some other guy who kept pretty much to himself.<\/p>\n
It was an odd arrangement.\u00a0 The world was finally dry, the last of the flood waters had receded some 500 years ago after a mumbled apology from BOB.\u00a0 The descendents of the ark hadn\u2019t moved very far.\u00a0 For some forgotten reason, the bulk of Nowaya\u2019s offspring had elected to enter a vow of silence.\u00a0 Some believed this was to better commune with BOB but, somewhere in the centuries since Nowaya, the mutes had let themselves be enslaved by a tiny handful of individuals who did not choose to be mute.\u00a0 Of those who did speak, Paco was the strongest.\u00a0 He called himself the \u201cLord of All You.\u201d\u00a0 Frank would have suggested something like Emperor or Avatar of BOB, but that would mean breaking his vow of silence.<\/p>\n
Paco was the first ruler to set the mute slaves to work.\u00a0 The Lord of All You had decided to build a giant tower, reaching as high as Bob Heavens (where there is great sausage).\u00a0 If Frank could speak, he would have mentioned that such a task was impossible.\u00a0 Sometimes Frank really did want to break that vow.\u00a0 Either way, the slaves welcomed the distraction.<\/p>\n
Within the last few months, Paco had begun to act strange. Last week, the Lord of All You had carried on a very active conversation with a pillow.\u00a0 Some of the slaves had begun to worry.\u00a0 Now this\u2026 A sojourn into the mountains disguised as yet another hunt for the ark.<\/p>\n
\u201cHere,\u201d\u00a0 Paco jumped off of his horse and walked towards two granite stones.\u00a0 Frank joined him.<\/p>\n
\u201cI will serve the great lord of darkness, the black mist, the despiser of life\u2026\u201d Paco muttered.<\/p>\n
Frank shook his head sadly.\u00a0 The slaves had done their best to hide the cache of fantasy novels Nowaya had stored on the ark\u2026but it was too little too late for some people.<\/p>\n
Then something began to happen.\u00a0 A mist rose up from between the rocks and a figure began to materialize.<\/p>\n
Paco grinned at Frank, \u201cI know what you\u2019re thinking.\u00a0 You\u2019re probably right\u2026 But I really want to build this big tower.\u00a0 It\u2019s a compulsion.\u00a0 Feel for me\u2026<\/p>\n
* * * *<\/p>\n
The figure told Paco what he must do so, on Tuesday, when Paco played chess with Bill and Sam, he finally explained his staggering idea.\u00a0 The tower would, indeed, reach Bob Heavens (where there is towering sausage).\u00a0 The tower would defy BOB himself. It was to be known as Bobble. The model was definitely phallic.<\/p>\n
\u201cI’m goin’ to become as powerful as BOB!\u201d he gibbered deliriously.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh.\u201d Bill said, unmoved as usual.\u00a0 He was drunk again.<\/p>\n
\u201cAye!\u201d Paco grinned maniacally.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh.\u201d Sam echoed his brother, concentrating on the next move.\u00a0 Sam was constantly fed up at having to carry Bill’s weight.\u00a0 The drunken bastard was worthless, and Sam hated being the brains of the operation.\u00a0 In his disgust, he had lost track of all the pretty things in life and had become a sad man.\u00a0 But this story isn’t about Sam, so there’s no reason to talk about his problems.<\/p>\n
With the plan out and in the clear, it was ready for the next phase.\u00a0 In utmost secrecy, the Lord of All You snuck off to the construction site to meet with the shadowy figure for final instructions.\u00a0 Paco\u2019s secret benefactor came from the heart of darkness\u2026 Small and unimpressive, the figure moved awkwardly, its voice on the verge of cracking. The figure had thick glasses, dirty ears, and an aura of simple stupidity that would give away his identity to any observer.\u00a0 If you guessed that this figure was False Rob – the AntiBOB – then you win the grand prize.\u00a0 A night of sexual bondage with the Evil Bishop, eternal servant of False Rob and high school administrator.<\/p>\n
Just kidding.\u00a0 Did that make you jump?\u00a0 Scared you, huh?\u00a0 Yeah.<\/p>\n
In the late hours of the night, the construction site for the phallic tower was quiet and abandoned. This was the perfect meeting spot, safe from every possible spy.\u00a0 Paco had been thinking about the tower, quietly fingering his anus, when False Rob made his shady entrance.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou will be a great man!\u201d the Eternal Freshman cooed immediately.\u00a0 That kid sure knew how to get you going.\u00a0 \u201cYou shall achieve power that will make everyone else worship you!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAh be wantin’ Bill n Sam ta ‘spect me, likesay.\u201d<\/p>\n
Rob squinted, \u201cDrunk?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAye.\u201d<\/p>\n
Rob shook his head and glanced around, \u201cJust do what I say and go against that loser BOB.\u00a0 He’s such a wimp, what could he do?\u201d<\/p>\n
As the years passed, the population around the tower grew.\u00a0 The people of Earth numbered in the millions now, forming a tremendous community that spoke the same language.\u00a0 Why shouldn’t they?\u00a0 Anyone who spoke another language was routinely exterminated.\u00a0 Paco, standing high upon his ever-growing phallic tower, watched over his Empire with the eyes of a sex maniac.\u00a0 Indeed, Paco (under the ignominious influence of False Rob) was a known paedophile, a serial rapist, a sodomizer, and a member of the Church of SEH (\u201cSpread ‘Em Honey\u201d).\u00a0 Even the Nazi’s were a little nervous when dealing with this guy.\u00a0 He was useful to keep the Vichy holdings in check, but his politics didn’t quite agree with those back in –<\/p>\n
I\u2019m sorry.\u00a0 That\u2019s something else\u2026<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, in Bob Heavens (where there is ethnically pure sausage), BOB was engrossed with other duties.\u00a0 Her name was Molly.\u00a0 She wasn’t a redhead, which is a refreshing change for the female audience.\u00a0 Instead, she was a raven haired beauty with a body that just wouldn’t quit.\u00a0 BOB had dressed her up as a cyborg and given her a plasma cannon water pistol while he pretended to be a hard-as-nails cyborg hunter.\u00a0 Affecting a German accent, with his shirt unbuttoned and a plastic sword in one hand, he meandered through a vast obstacle course searching for his \u2018prey.\u2019\u00a0 When finally he found her, the climactic struggle would result in Molly’s organs being shifted from the inside and the single-most powerful orgasm she had ever known.\u00a0 Molly enjoyed such pleasures and often insisted that BOB name a sexual position after her.\u00a0 But this story isn\u2019t about Molly, either, so we won\u2019t talk about that position.\u00a0 Or the thing\u2026the thing she does with her tongue\u2026and\u2026<\/p>\n
BOB had just completed his seventh successful \u2018kill,\u2019 and was reporting to his mothership via a wristwatch when finally he noticed something fishy going on.\u00a0 No, it wasn’t a pepperminty redhead that had gone sour. The fishiness was, instead, the building of Paco’s strange tower.\u00a0 Of course BOB knew all about it, but he had decided to let the old boy waste as much time as possible.\u00a0 He had figured that nothing would really come of the threat.\u00a0 However, in accordance with the Rules of Bobological Error, BOB had, once again, underestimated the ability of Mankind’s evil.\u00a0 The tower was getting pretty tall and Paco was starting to become truly unhinged.\u00a0 BOB briefly wondered how his children could repeatedly act so stupid, and then he called for his eveningwear.\u00a0 Once prepared, he sauntered on down to the throne room of the tower where he encountered Paco.<\/p>\n
\u201cExcuse me,\u201d BOB said politely, \u201care you aware of the zoning procedures in Bob Heavens (where there is great sausage)?\u201d\u00a0 It was always best to start things off on a legal note.\u00a0 It made BOB look like he was in charge and aware of things.\u00a0 Indeed, BOB had neglected to invent zoning procedures when he created the cosmos.\u00a0 Such matters were in the hands of the lawyers, not BOB himself.\u00a0 BOB might have been the supreme deity, but he didn’t have the time to dick around with semantics and details.\u00a0 At that moment, he remembered with a slight flinch that some dangerous maniacs spent their entire day waiting for all-powerful deities to walk up and act tough.\u00a0 BOB was about to call for backup when Paco interrupted him.<\/p>\n
\u201cWha’s this, then?\u00a0 I dinnae ken yir meanin’?\u201d Paco was on his guard, running a hand over his shaved head and shifting uncomfortably in his steel-toed boots.\u00a0 His arms were stained with tattoos.<\/p>\n
BOB cocked his head to the side, \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u2026\u00a0 Are you drunk?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAye.\u201d<\/p>\n
BOB blinked, and then took a slow breath \u201cOkay.\u00a0 So, anyway, what the hell do you think you\u2019re doing?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe’s building a tower to defy you!\u201d said a pre-pubescent voice from betwixt BOB’s legs.<\/p>\n
BOB, admittedly startled, leapt back and nearly fell over the diminutive frame of False Rob.\u00a0 The great BOB clutched his chest and sighed heavily.\u00a0 \u201cMan, I thought my balls were talkin’.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo!\u201d screeched False Rob, racing out to stand awkwardly next to a wary Paco, \u201cit was me all along!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat was?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour balls…talking…I…uh…\u201d Rob grew a little pale, his voice trailing off.<\/p>\n
BOB shook his head sadly.\u00a0 He glanced around and then addressed the Eternal Freshman.\u00a0 \u201cI try to presciently know the answer to every question I ask.\u00a0 This will be an exception.\u00a0 What the fuck are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAs I said, Bobby<\/em>.\u00a0 This tower is to defy you!\u00a0 To show that I<\/em> rule over Mankind and they regard you <\/em>only as a representation of their fears of death and uncertainty.\u201d Rob adjusted his oversized glasses.<\/p>\n \u201cI think I\u2019m a happy god.\u201d BOB muttered, pouting.<\/p>\n Rob looked guilty.<\/p>\n \u201cShouldn’t you be in school, anyway?\u201d<\/p>\n Rob ground his teeth then shook gangly arms at his arch-nemesis.\u00a0 \u201cEnough is enough, you fool!\u00a0 Look at these people!\u00a0 Look at my success.\u201d\u00a0 He raised his arms to the vaulted ceiling, and shouted to the heavens (his braces glinting in the torchlight), \u201cI am huge!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cAll right, all right.\u201d BOB smiled, waving a dismissing hand at the Eternal Freshman and looking at Paco.\u00a0 \u201cA tower to defy me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah!\u201d said the snotty freshman, \u201cand I’m helping him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI didn’t know that puberty-inspired dementia could actually help.\u201d BOB murmured, turning his ever so incredibly cool gaze back to Rob.\u00a0 The Eternal Freshman cringed visibly and, for the first time, Paco noticed Rob’s over\u00adstuffed backpack and the thick glasses with the tape around the frame.\u00a0 The Lord of All You caught a glimpse of Fruit of The Loom underwear sticking out from Rob\u2019s dirty jeans.\u00a0 A slight, fluttering awareness flashed in Paco’s eyes, especially when he saw the Starfleet Academy bumper sticker sloppily affixed to Rob’s backpack.\u00a0 Paco ordered Frank to clear a path of escape and acquire passage to Argentina, just in case.<\/p>\n False Rob, angered by the snide comment (once he figured it out), waved a finger at BOB.\u00a0 He had a point to make, but was a little too flustered to get it across.<\/p>\n BOB made a funny face in reply. \u201cI think that I’ll just do…this!\u201d\u00a0 He snapped his fingers and a moment of silence followed.\u00a0 \u201cWell, Rob,\u201d BOB finally said, \u201chave fun getting out of this one.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cUh – \u201c Paco began to say, but it was too late.\u00a0 BOB and Rob vanished. Only a few minutes after they left, the tower began to collapse.\u00a0 By the time the catastro\u00adphe was over, everyone had been scattered across the globe.\u00a0 This happened so fast that it can’t even be written about.\u00a0 Like a nuclear explosion: Burst of light here, disintegration there, screaming slaves everywhere.\u00a0 In the end, the scattered peoples all developed new cultures.\u00a0 As punishment,\u00a0 BOB saw to it that all those scattered peoples took on different appearanc\u00ades.\u00a0 \u00adNo group spoke the same language, and thus were Nations formed.\u00a0 Then someone thought that someone else was a barbarian because that someone had no word in his language for \u2018willing vagina,\u2019 and thus war was created.<\/p>\n So everyone had lots of kids.<\/p>\n Next time on \u201cThe Boble\u201d:\u00a0 We\u2019ve got the Father of the Hebo\u2019s in the house!\u00a0 There\u2019s kinky sex, violence, even more slavery, and a whole lot of rocky desert.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Last time on \u201cThe Boble\u201d, the Duke boys had found themselves in a bit of a bind when Daisy finally admitted that she had\u2026. Hold on.\u00a0 Oh, yes.\u00a0 Sorry.\u00a0 It says here that the Earth was flooded, Nowaya survived and …<\/p>\n