{"id":2559,"date":"2005-04-19T23:33:32","date_gmt":"2005-04-20T04:33:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/?p=2559"},"modified":"2018-10-31T20:57:13","modified_gmt":"2018-11-01T00:57:13","slug":"saga-of-a-star-world-battlestar-galactica-the-series","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/?p=2559","title":{"rendered":"Saga of a Star World (Battlestar Galactica: The Series)"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

I was driving home from work, chattering happily to myself and
\npretending that I was a sardonic and highly popular columnist for a
\nweird west coast pop culture zine catering to rebels of all ages. I
\noften do this, thinking up various cutting-edge article ideas and
\ninterviews with punks and rebels and aging Leftists. I also imagine
\nmyself as the torchbearer for the Clara Schwartz case. Not in the sense
\nof providing an apologia for her, but more or less using her as a prime
\nexample on certain modern day gender and generational problems. I’ll
\nrevisit that later. What’s really important is that, after I pulled
\ninto my driveway and slammed into four plastic trashcans, what did I
\nfind waiting on my doorstep? Or, as UPS likes to say, what did I find
\n“SIGND: NONE DRIVER LEFT UDER MAT”? I found the gigantic Battlestar
\nGalactica DVD box set. The box measures in at a whopping nine by ten
\nand a half inches and on the front is a giant, silver Cylon head with a
\n“lenticular eye” that sort of works. Hey, it makes me go.<\/p>\n

The set doesn’t look big in the pictures but, dear Jesus, it’s a
\nmother. Inside, we have six goddamned discs containing all the
\nepisodes, three hours of deleted scenes, an interview with Glen
\n“Sellout” Larson, the standard boring documentary, some stuff on the
\nrock-hard music, another boring documentary on the Cylons, commentary
\non the pilot with Apollo, Starbuck and Boomer (woo!), and a total
\naudio\/video remastered freakout kiss me hard experience.<\/p>\n

I was, for lack of a better description, cumming in my pants. Or, as my
\ngrandmother always says, “overly stimulated”. This is a momentous
\noccasion for me. The mostest favrotiest show from my youth makes it
\nonto DVD and, yes, it may be a little naff but, hey, it’s really cool
\nso shut up and stop trying to make me cry.<\/p>\n

{mosimage}
\nMaybe I should give you a background. An in-depth analysis of Nacho,
\ncirca six years of age, watching BG. The tale of a geeky nerd whose
\nlife was over as soon as he saw his first episode of Space: 1999.<\/em> Ready? Here we go:<\/p>\n

I liked double chocolate brownies.<\/p>\n

That’s it! The end of my deep analysis.<\/p>\n

So let’s move on to BG. It gets a bad rap. The naysayers tell you that it copies Star Wars<\/em>
\nhook, line and sinker. Now, let’s pause there. BG is about a group of
\nHumans, the twelve “tribes” of a mother planet called Kobol, who have
\neach settled on twelve habitable planets and done well for themselves.
\nThey live in peace with various non-Human races and explore the stars
\nin search of something or other. But, all of these peaceable races are
\nthreatened by the robotic monsters called Cylons, originally created as
\nhominid servants for a race of extinct reptile people.<\/p>\n

The Cylons are understandably bitter about their servitude, capable of
\nself replication and are, perhaps, under the direct command of an
\nomnipotent, Satanic evil. With all that going for them, what’s there to
\ndo but build a war fleet and hurt people? They move in and start
\nexterminating everyone, but hit a wall when it comes to the Human race.
\nWhen it comes to hurting things, we know how to do it right. The Cylons
\nare a little taken aback. BG picks up a thousand years after the
\nconflict began when, with the aid of a rogue Human aristocrat, the
\nCylons pull a Trojan Horse maneuver that not only destroys the entire
\nHuman battlefleet, but also their central planets – leaving a
\nscattering of distant colonies, a few hundred ships and one badly
\ndamaged Battlestar (which is a big, fat aircraft carrier).<\/p>\n

So the “rag-tag, fugitive fleet” sets off on a quest inspired by
\ntwo-bit crypto-archeology dug up on the long dead homeworld which
\nsuggests that a 13th tribe headed in the opposite direction from all
\nthe others. A group who may not even exist but, if they do, then they
\nwere all chattering about this place called Earth. So, away the fleet
\ngoes in search of Earth. They’re doggedly pursued by the treacherous
\naristocrat, who is given command of three Cylon base ships. Along the
\nway, they discover a string of colonies that have been cut off during
\nthe war, behind enemy lines as it were, and who have reverted into a
\nweird sort of steam-punk dark age. But they can’t linger anywhere for
\nlong because the Cylons now greatly outgun them.<\/p>\n

The Cylon motivation: Kill them all. For sport. The Human goal: Find
\nEarth and hope to the Lords of Kobol that they have enough strength to
\nshow the pursuing Cylons what for because, well, AAAHHHH!!!<\/p>\n

{mosimage}
\nSo… Does that sound like Star Wars<\/em> to you? There are no Jedi masters. In fact, there’s no spiritualism whatsoever. The critics who condemn the show as “Wagon Train<\/em>
\nin space” are closer to the mark. It’s the last of the 70’s journeyman
\nsci-fi series. But…not really. While the Galactica does spend an awful
\nlot of time going from planet to planet, it spends an equal amount of
\ntime screwing stuff up in space.<\/p>\n

It’s one of the only series that takes a hard look at the cost of the
\nwar, the mindset of the people after the apocalypse. If you read my Space 1999<\/a>
\nreview, you’ll remember that I touched on the quiet freakout of
\nMoonbase Alpha’s crew – unused to being under an absolute commander,
\ndespairing that they could never get home, and totally space crazy.
\nThis is especially true in that show’s first season.<\/p>\n

{mosimage}
\nGalactica does one better – though distracted by the uber-high budget
\n(at the time, it’s just goofy 25 years later), the Galactica’s central
\nsub-plot revolves around the social tension. Twelve planets are blasted
\nto hell, and the survivors are stuffed onto a couple hundred civilian
\nships not meant to hold more than cargo. With little food, water and
\nfuel, it’s up to the Galactica and the surviving military folks to tend
\nto the thousand or so surviving humans. And they can’t do it. After the
\nspectacular destruction of the home worlds, the bulk of the three-hour
\npilot episode concerns itself with the state of affairs in the fleet.
\nThe rich are hoarding food, the poor are dying, the military are at
\nodds with the elite and powerful, the Cylons are just about 29 minutes
\nbehind, the general populace believes they were betrayed by the
\nmilitary and nobody wants to be under martial law. To make matters
\nworse, there’s only a handful of qualified fighter pilots.<\/p>\n

After two episodes (the pilot and a two-part follow up), we get into
\nsome character builder episodes. The typical stuff. Leave the subplots
\nbehind and mug faces for a bit. Starbuck and Apollo and all of our
\nfavorites do their thing in backwater colonies that have gone deeply
\ninsane. A few months later, though, Patrick Macnee comes along for a
\nride. He’s Satan, don’t you know. Or the equivalent. The creator of the
\nCylons, the man behind all evil in the universe, an ultimate walk
\nthrough walls control the natural order of things dark creature.<\/p>\n

Whilst he’s pursued by angels of light (eventually headed by Edward
\nMulhare, in a later episode), it takes a while for our boys to catch on
\nto his nefarious actions. Think of Macnee as Q, from the Next
\nGeneration. (In fact, that’s just what he is.) He knows an opportunity
\nwhen he sees one, and he strikes hard with the power of the starving
\nmasses on board the broken down fleet. The devil has a sweet song. He
\nstrikes so hard that the military has no hope of keeping the flood
\nback. Even though the angels win the day (sort of), the remainder of
\nthe series, from that point, is haunted by the problems that appeared
\nin the pilot. Fred Astaire appears in a pitifully comic episode that
\nshows how the masses are being mollified by addictive gambling and
\ncriminal behavior (commercial gambling and prostitution dens are set up
\nfar from the limited reach of the Galactica… And the Galactica could
\ncare less because, yes, the Cylons are still 29 minutes behind them).
\nAfter that, rebel factions attempt to steal ships, prison barges become
\npacked, and the discovery of the “Terrans” marks the end of martial law
\nand the rise of a civilian council and army. All actions on their part
\nare all-advised and na\u00efve, but the voice from Galactica has little
\nability to control the situation. The series is coolly set-up for a
\nmassive civil war between the Galacticans and the starving, suffering
\ncivilian masses who have prematurely thrown off the yoke of military
\nrule.<\/p>\n

{mosimage}
\nAlas, the series suffered an ignoble fate long before we got to explore any of that yummy stuff.<\/p>\n

Now, I’m singling out a series-long sub-plot. The stories themselves
\nall revolve around Our Heroes – long haired white folk, and their
\ncynical black friend, all in polyester. There’s a handful of Get Away
\nfrom Galactica stories, as well, where Our Heroes get to make out with
\nunderaged women, get involved in wild west shootouts, explore Terran
\ncities and kill Nazi’s.<\/p>\n

Ah! I’m ahead of myself. Here’s where the series ended – The Galactica
\nexecutes a maneuver known as “The Audience Doesn’t Understand the
\nExplanation” and crosses over into a new galaxy, leaving the Cylons
\nbehind. In this new galaxy they encounter the highly advanced Terrans.
\nOne side is a group of peace loving salt of the earth types (the
\nWestern Nationalists) while the opposing force (the…uh…Eastern
\nAlliance) are a bunch of trigger-happy, European-accented,
\nsubmarine-spaceship building nuclear freaks. The Eastern Alliance has
\nan axe to grind that not even the angels of light can figure out.
\nFortunately, none of them can build a ship as big as the Galactica. So,
\nin the same episode where Our Heroes say that the Terrans are highly
\nadvanced, they also say that they aren’t highly advanced. Hello
\nScriptwriter! Time for more coffee, I think.<\/p>\n

The stories quietly peter out and, inexplicably, the final episode of the series involves a strike on a Cylon ship.<\/p>\n

The series returned for a third season as Galactica: 1980<\/em>. While the 2003 Sci-Fi Channel remake will be borrowing elements from Galactica: 1980<\/em>, I’m going to ask you, politely, to never mention that fucking series to me. Ever. I’ll cut your gizzard out if you do.<\/p>\n

{mosimage}
\nFor those of you truly in the dark, BG saw some big stars: Lorne
\nGreene, Dirk Benedict, Ed Begley, Jr, Jane Seymour (her first role),
\nRick Springfield (before the pop career), John Colicos (a veteran
\nsci-fi character actor), Claude Earl Jones (yes, that’s right), Britt
\nEkland, Lloyd Bridges, Fred Astaire (his last role), Brock Peters,
\nEdward Mulhare, Patrick Macnee, and many others you’ve seen a dozen
\ntimes.<\/p>\n

Let’s drop the whole Star Wars<\/em> complaint. And who remembers Wagon Train<\/em>?
\nForget about the Scientology overtones (which are: Man came from space,
\nis pursued by reptile robot monsters). Look past the polyester, the
\nlong hair, and occasionally goofy episode. The cast is top notch, the
\naction can’t be beat. For 1978 and 1979 this show kicked you in the
\nnuts. Things explode, people die, and trouble is always brewing. The
\nsub-plot of society on the skids is strong enough to hold true whenever
\nthe topic is touched on. You get Satan, mean aristocrats, God and
\nnuclear war. There’s resurrection, destruction and bad robots with
\nsabers. There are bugs that eat people, space mines, and smart-alecky
\ncomputers. There’s a big, dumb robot dog and the intensely annoying
\nNoah Hathaway as Boxie the Boy Wonder. Jane Seymore gets crushed by
\nheavy rocks, women wear tight jumpsuits, and Nazi’s run the prison
\nkitchen. There are alien football players with bolas, men in chains and
\nwomen with large guns. Androids perform painful Laurel and Hardy
\nroutines, Dirk Benedict becomes a cynical angel, and even the Cylons
\nget to crack jokes in the face of imminent destruction.<\/p>\n

You just can’t say no.<\/p>\n

{mosimage}
\nCertainly grab these before the Sci-Fi Channel version comes out, where
\nBoomer and Starbuck are played by women, Adama is tied to his command
\nchair by the “president of the colonies,” the Cylons are Victoria’s
\nSecret models and the only black person is a sappy desk clerk with
\nlight skin. We’ve gone backwards, kids! In 1978, a black man (Boomer)
\nwas our number three hard-hitting hero! Well, until Anne Lockhart
\n(June’s daughter) came along in the second season. Second in command
\nwas the logical yet emotional Colonel Tigh played by Terry Carter, also
\na black man. This is the only sci-fi series before Deep Space 9<\/em> that put blacks in lead roles. I guess Sci-Fi is afraid of that in 2003, eh?<\/p>\n

Here’s your episode guide:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
{mosimage}<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

Saga of a Star World<\/strong><\/p>\n

In the three hour pilot (!!), all hell breaks loose. It’s the
\napocalypse as all the Battlestars are destroyed, the home worlds are
\nblasted to hell and the Galactica leads 220 civilian ships on a
\ndesperate race to salvation. John Colicos pursues, bugs eat flesh and
\nan after-apocalypse party goes terribly wrong. Hey, all the lights are
\nout on Sub-Level 3. Let’s check it out!<\/p>\n

Lost Planet of the Gods<\/strong><\/p>\n

The two hour follow-up to the three hour pilot sees almost everyone
\nsick except for the young Cadets who Could. Meanwhile, a wedding
\nplanned on the surface of ancient Kobol ends in trouble when that wacky
\nJohn Colicos rolls in, unnoticed, in a huge, roaring, rumbling Cylon
\ntank. Lorne Greene finds proof that Earth exists, so at least he has an
\nexcuse to be fanatical and insane.<\/p>\n

{mosimage}
\nThe Lost Warrior<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Wild West episode! It’s High Noon for Apollo, and he has to face
\noff a rogue Cylon in the town square. But fighting is wrong. He refuses
\nto pick up his gun… And the Cylon is getting testy.<\/p>\n

Can’t we just work this out?<\/p>\n

No. Die. Human.<\/p>\n

No, really, let’s talk. Mano a killer machino.<\/p>\n

The Long Patrol<\/strong><\/p>\n

Starbuck’s deep recon ship armed with an over-sexed computer
\ncrash-lands on a colonial world that lost contact with the home planets
\nabout 600 years ago. Guess what? They’re fucking insane!<\/p>\n

Gun on Ice Planet Zero<\/strong><\/p>\n

It’s the Guns of Navarone<\/em>! Except on an ice planet. Inhabited by blonde clones. And lumberjack clones. And a crazy scientist.<\/p>\n

The Magnificent Warriors<\/strong><\/p>\n

After two months of pursuit, the Cylons have a brilliant idea: Destroy
\nthe three agro ships, all of which are poorly defended. After all,
\nthese are the only sources of food for the starving fleet…and they’ve
\nalways known that…so…instead of attacking the well-defended Battlestar
\nlike they’ve been doing constantly…they…<\/p>\n

Well, no matter. It works. So now the entire Galactica command crew
\nneeds to go to another colony that has not only been out of contact and
\ngone insane, but is ruled by X-TRO and his brain-eating minions. Yay!<\/p>\n

The Young Lords<\/strong><\/p>\n

Starbuck, again! This time he crash lands on a marsh world where only children survive, and Cylons rust.<\/p>\n

Starbuck crashes lots of ships.<\/p>\n

The Living Legend<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Galactica hits the empire of Gamoray, only to find that it’s been
\nannihilated by a Cylon advance force. They also find Lloyd Bridges
\ncommanding the Battlestar Pegasus, which had broken away from the
\napocalyptic battle and survived in secret. Two Battlestars? Lucky day…
\nThe Cylon advance force only has a small fleet of ships and the three
\nbasestars with John Colicos are out of supply. So, with that in mind,
\nwe’ll split our forces, right? And the Galactica will stay here while
\nthe Pegasus will make a suicide run and we’ll launch all of our vipers
\nin another direction and …then…we’ll lose. Hmmm…<\/p>\n

Fire in Space<\/strong><\/p>\n

Galactica. On fire.<\/p>\n

Commercial break.<\/p>\n

Galactica. Still on fire.<\/p>\n

Commercial break.<\/p>\n

Galactica…… On fire.<\/p>\n

War of the Gods<\/strong><\/p>\n

Satan, pursued by angels of light, steals women, haunts John Colicos,
\ndestroys the military dominance and scares everyone with corpses and
\nlightning. Curiously, the democratic process in the fleet is
\njump-started by Satan. Patrick Macnee does a great job at being
\nseriously disturbing, and the angels of light do an even better job at
\nbeing vague.<\/p>\n

“Who are you?”<\/p>\n

“We are…you…with a…and, well, we’re a race…beyond…with…
\nAnyway, we’re sorry about what happened. Here’s your ship. Good-bye.”<\/p>\n

“But –”<\/p>\n

“No! Good-bye!”<\/p>\n

The Man with Nine Lives<\/strong><\/p>\n

Fred Astaire. No dancing.<\/p>\n

Murder on the Rising Star<\/strong><\/p>\n

Spacemen in underwear do battle. Plus, there’s a murder mystery! Ah, if only the Galactica were on fire… (Jesus, please!)<\/p>\n

{mosimage}
\nGreetings from Earth<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Terrans are encountered, and the Eastern Alliance is inexplicably
\nmean-spirited. Starbuck gets himself trapped in a tight space, Apollo
\ngets a kiss and Nazis in cramped spaceships learn that the Galacticans
\nhave bigger guns.<\/p>\n

Baltar’s Escape<\/strong><\/p>\n

Everybody needs a John Colicos episode! On today’s menu: Kill Everyone!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
{mosimage}<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

Experiment in Terra<\/strong><\/p>\n

So God, you see, is this Englishman. He needs help…to…stop this war,
\nright? So he takes Starbuck, okay, and Starbuck’s job is to convince
\nthe president of the Western Nationalists on Terra to ask the president
\nof the Eastern Alliance why everyone can’t just get along.<\/p>\n

Breaking the precedent set in “The Living Legend,” the Galactica
\nabandons the fleet and does some neat stuff. Too bad they didn’t do
\nthat when it counted for something, eh? The angels of light do bother
\nto give out some useful information, for a change.<\/p>\n

Take the Celestra<\/strong><\/p>\n

A rebel faction goes crazy. It’s the Achille Laro episode!<\/p>\n

The Hand of God<\/strong><\/p>\n

Uh…so, the Cylons, who were left way behind in another galaxy six
\nepisodes ago, are suddenly in front of the Galactica so, uh, Starbuck
\nand Apollo have to sabotage the Cylon command ship by getting on
\nboard…and…bomb…in control center…and… Well, whatever. Things blow up.
\nSeries ends on a poorly written note. Dreams are dashed.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

So the Sci-Fi channel will begin their series, which will take “the
\nbest” of BG and Galactica: 1980. In some ways, I approve. The robot
\nCylons have become evil clones (that’s from 1980), and the quest for
\nEarth is there while the military is at odds with the civilian
\ngovernment. The 2003 BG civilian government looks to be a bit stronger
\nthan the 1978 BG government. Oh, here’s hoping. It just looks so silly…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[352],"tags":[291,365,403,353],"class_list":["post-2559","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gsarchive","tag-battlestar-galactica","tag-bsg","tag-cult-culture","tag-gs-archive-2004-2008"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2559","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2559"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2559\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2785,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2559\/revisions\/2785"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2559"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2559"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2559"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}