<\/p>\n
Earlier today, I signed up for brain surgery.\u00a0 Microvascular Decompression.\u00a0 Not really brain surgery, it just involves shoving the brain around while trying to get to the inside of my face from the back of my skull, which seems to be a strange way to go about it.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m going to spend the next few weeks, until the operation, whining to the fucking internet about how I\u2019m going to die during the day-long surgery.\u00a0 But, first, a little bit of a history.\u00a0 In pictures!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
So, to summarize:<\/p>\n
In 1995 I was hit in the jaw by a friend.<\/p>\n
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{mosimage}<\/p>\n
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This damaged my Trigeminal nerve and, in 1997, I first started to suffer serious Trigeminal Neuralgia.<\/p>\n
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{mosimage}<\/p>\n
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(Though, apparently, the two are unrelated, and I\u2019m only looking for causes to explain the pain. Trigeminal Neuralgia doesn\u2019t come from trauma, and mine hasn\u2019t behaved that way. But, really, no one knows.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s the $64,000 question \u2013 who knows?\u201d)<\/p>\n
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{mosimage}<\/p>\n
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The pain is extraordinary.\u00a0 It blinds, shocks, carves, grips, and cripples me.\u00a0 There is nothing that it can be compared to.<\/p>\n
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{mosimage}<\/p>\n
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They call it the Suicide Disease.<\/p>\n
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{mosimage}<\/p>\n
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Everything got a lot worse in 2000, when the pain episodes became intense and untreatable.\u00a0 Do you know what else got worse in 2000?<\/p>\n
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{mosimage}<\/p>\n
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Finally, in 2003, I went to the top neurologist in DC.\u00a0 He\u2019s been real nice and he gives me drugs.\u00a0 I like drugs.<\/p>\n
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{mosimage}<\/p>\n
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But the pain continues, despite the drugs and, sometimes, the drugs don\u2019t help.<\/p>\n
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{mosimage}<\/p>\n
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Besides, the drugs are now at such a high dose they\u2019re starting to rule my life.<\/p>\n
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{mosimage}<\/p>\n
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In 2006, during an extensive and horrific episode, I had a big-time operation where a nice man with a long needle put his boot on my neck and fucked with the nerve.<\/p>\n
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{mosimage}<\/p>\n
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He failed.<\/p>\n
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{mosimage}<\/p>\n
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So now I went to Johns Hopkins to see Dr. Ben Carson, who\u2019s like House when it comes to neurosurgery.<\/p>\n
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{mosimage}<\/p>\n
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We spent all day talking about my situation and he says I\u2019m one of the most extreme cases he\u2019s seen, which was nice because it makes me feel justified for being depressive all these years.<\/p>\n
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{mosimage}<\/p>\n
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We decided that MVD was the way to go.<\/p>\n
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{mosimage}<\/p>\n
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They cut into my skull, remove a half-dollar sized circle, push the brain around, and hit the nerve with a jackhammer while talking on a cell phone.<\/p>\n
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{mosimage}<\/p>\n
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There\u2019s an 80% chance I\u2019ll be cured for life.<\/p>\n
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{mosimage}<\/p>\n
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But it means a few days in the hospital and six weeks recovery, as well as a titanium plate in my head, loss of hearing in one ear and potential palsy.\u00a0 But, you know, it would be a fair trade-off if it stops the pain.<\/p>\n
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{mosimage}<\/p>\n
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Then, if it works, I won\u2019t have an excuse to be depressive anymore.<\/p>\n
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{mosimage}<\/p>\n
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Except for my tragic family.<\/p>\n
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{mosimage}<\/p>\n
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