<\/p>\n
Since I started a publishing company, which was insane, I\u2019ve had a sort of writer\u2019s block.\u00a0 I hate to use that term because it\u2019s a little gay and a lot stupid, but there\u2019s not much choice.<\/p>\n
Recently, as I\u2019ve spent six weeks pretty much housebound and on disability, thanks to a trauma-related injury, which is insane, I\u2019ve come to respect the better things in life.\u00a0 I\u2019m eating breakfast again instead of racing through the door with cold coffee and nothing but my fingernails to sustain me, I\u2019ve come to respect women, I\u2019ve struggled with plants I\u2019ve had for 12 years that hate my new apartment, I\u2019ve managed to live closely with a flatmate for several months without jamming a fork in his eye, I\u2019ve learned that many of the people around me really are friends.\u00a0 All of this is, yes, insane.<\/p>\n
Sorry to keep saying that, but it\u2019s my word for the day.\u00a0 I always hope for a complicated, high-brow word, but I\u2019m a slave to whatever is randomly selected.\u00a0 Last Monday, my word for the day was \u201cand.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m waiting for \u201cnice,\u201d because that\u2019ll be fun.\u00a0 The most overused and, therefore, snide word we have.\u00a0 That\u2019s nice\u2026fucker.<\/p>\n
I worry, these days, about being snide.\u00a0 I worry about what people think, which I shouldn\u2019t do.\u00a0 My cynicism is an issue, because I\u2019ve finally come into an age where I feel it\u2019s not a back-handed compliment when people say I\u2019m cynical.\u00a0 Used to be, I\u2019d take that comment and be proud of it.\u00a0 You bet, asshole, and it\u2019s all because of you<\/em>.\u00a0 And your pig wife.\u00a0 God, you come into the room and my skin just wants to fall off.<\/p>\n Now people say I\u2019m cynical and I reply the same way, except a bit more defensively.\u00a0 Instead of youthful condemnation, I have aged into indignation.\u00a0 Why have you made me cynical?\u00a0 Why did you marry your pig wife?\u00a0 I am distressed that my skin wants to fall off everytime I learn that you have not yet been crushed by a falling piano or raped to death by a legion of escaped convicts.\u00a0 I crave for freedom from cynicism.<\/p>\n That freedom comes when you\u2019re trapped in your apartment and only encounter close friends who greatly pity you.\u00a0 The only strangers I\u2019ve met in the last few weeks have been the retarded, cross-eyed cows at the prescription counter in Giant Food.\u00a0 As my doctor\u2019s desperately throw drugs at me, I\u2019m now at a point where I don\u2019t even acknowledge strangers, really, so those insane monsters manning the counter barely even register.<\/p>\n But I\u2019m not here to talk about injury or drugs.\u00a0 I\u2019m here to talk about writer\u2019s block.\u00a0 I started the publishing company in 2005 and, by September of 2006, I put out our first book.\u00a0 January 2005 to September 2006, as you know, is approximately 74 years, 14 months and 62 days.\u00a0 During that time, I ripped the lining out of my mind, body, soul, and shoes.\u00a0 I had to kill duplicitous friends, spend my entire life savings, burn loved ones on altars dedicated to strange, forgotten gods, and stare hard into light from dead stars.\u00a0 In the end, I put out something I loved.\u00a0 And it hasn\u2019t made any money but, you know, tra-la-la.\u00a0 Being an American and, therefore, condemned to the fourth circle of hell, I am often consumed by the fact that I have not yet made millions of dollars and been given the right, by Mr. Jesus Christ and Our Lord and Savior George Bush, to eat the brains of children, drink from the skulls of enemies, and fuck babies.\u00a0 That is what America is about.\u00a0 That\u2019s where the golden-paved streets go.\u00a0 That is why we all must reach the top: A row of suits that look the same and a free credit card that says: Stick your cock in that boy\u2019s ass, yee howdy, yippie-ki-yay.<\/p>\n Maybe I\u2019m being cynical.<\/p>\n Maybe I want to clean my skull out with a spoon every morning when I read The Washington Post<\/em><\/p>\n A quick tangent for today\u2019s headlines, at the risk of dating this article, and since the Post<\/em> just arrived:\u00a0 Saddam is gonna die.<\/em>\u00a0 Okay, whatever.\u00a0 I never cared.\u00a0 Dems could gain both houses.<\/em>\u00a0 Used to be that was nice, but now it\u2019s really just same as the old boss, isn\u2019t it?\u00a0 Suburbs could drive elections.<\/em>\u00a0 Brilliant.\u00a0 Who came up with that one?\u00a0 Concentrations of voters may drive elections!\u00a0 We\u2019re calling up more troops as the war in Vietnam escalates, evangelicals are raping boys (the American Dream, man!), the Arctic ice caps are melting like they normally have done throughout history but everyone\u2019s upset about it, and on and on\u2026<\/p>\n My flatmate gets the Post<\/em>.\u00a0 He thinks it\u2019s funny to pay for a newspaper that\u2019s (1) free online and (2) bad.<\/p>\n Not that there\u2019s much choice.\u00a0 The Post<\/em> is one of the nation\u2019s best papers.\u00a0 Which sort of tells you about America, huh?\u00a0 I\u2019m less indignant about him getting the Post<\/em> and more by its presence in the flat.<\/p>\n I might just be in a snit because they haven\u2019t reviewed our book, despite monumental efforts and empty promises.\u00a0 But they will, because my plan for the coming week is to go down to their offices with weapons.\u00a0 I want to see a review on Sunday or hostages start dying!<\/p>\n Okay, okay, Nacho!\u00a0 Just relax.\u00a0 We\u2019re sending in bottled water and pizzas if you let one of the copy editors go.<\/p>\n Act two \u2013 the pretty girl who writes the obits falls in love with me, Stockholm Syndrome style, but it\u2019s all a ruse and she betrays me in act three.\u00a0 BAM BAM! Right in the back.\u00a0 Oh, down I go.\u00a0 Camera pans up through the smoke and there she is, flimsy dress, halo of light behind her highlighting her auburn hair, holding the big gun shakily in both hands with a horrified look in her eyes.\u00a0 The big tough cop \u2013 I\u2019m thinking Ving Rhames in a very different talky, emotional role \u2013 takes the gun from her and she falls into his arms.\u00a0 No dialogue here, we fade out to the street \u2013 post apocalypse chic, after I\u2019ve been throwing out bombs and shooting police cars \u2013 and pull away with light music playing.\u00a0 The situation resolved\u2026 For now!\u00a0 A hand reaches up from the grave and\u2026 No, wait.\u00a0 I\u2019m mixing genres.<\/p>\n Anyway, it\u2019s not unexpected.\u00a0 These are the typical trials and tribulations of a small press.\u00a0 I have no idea how anybody has done it, because it really does make me want to fall down screaming sometimes.\u00a0 Just cry and moan until I get enough pity from my female friends to get laid.<\/p>\n So, anyway, addressing the writer\u2019s block.\u00a0 I\u2019ve not been successful.\u00a0 The various exercises from hacks and retards and, dare I say, fuckwads online say shit like: Clear your head of distracting thoughts.<\/p>\n Okay\u2026so, kill myself?\u00a0 Huff ammonia?\u00a0 I don\u2019t really get that exercise.<\/p>\n I like this (from http:\/\/www.spacejock.com.au\/WritersBlock.html):<\/p>\n So, when I get stuck for ideas or feel the whole book is a waste of effort, here’s what I do. (I use my writing software, but paper will do.) <\/em><\/p>\n Um\u2026writing software?\u00a0 Why do you have writer\u2019s block if you have a computer write for you?\u00a0 Here\u2019s my take on writing software:\u00a0 As both a hack, failed, unpublished author and a publisher, the moment I hear of anyone using software to write their novels I want to tell them what for, by golly.\u00a0 Pip pip!\u00a0 What-ho!\u00a0 Get a grip, kids.\u00a0 Jesus Goddamned Christ\u2026writing software.<\/p>\n First, create blank chapter headings for the next few chapters.<\/em><\/p>\n Okay.\u00a0 Blank chapter headings.\u00a0 Whatever that means.\u00a0 Like blank pages, maybe?\u00a0 Chapter 72:\u00a0 The Case of the <BLANK><\/p>\n Now add 2 or 3 blank scenes to each. Don’t worry about how long these are going to be, or whether you need one or four of them per chapter. You’re just showing your brain the small steps involved.<\/em><\/p>\n Scenes?\u00a0 Now we\u2019re writing screenplays.<\/p>\n Starting at the blocked chapter, jot down one-line description for the blank scenes. You’re just filling empty spaces right now, so it doesn’t have to be amazingly exciting.<\/em><\/p>\n Okay!\u00a0 I can do that.\u00a0 Here we go: Sex in this chapter.\u00a0 This chapter ends with lousy cliffhanger.\u00a0 Gunfight.\u00a0 Sex, again.\u00a0 Long but very literate description of her pussy, use colors and compare to spring or autumn.\u00a0 Gunfight.<\/p>\n As you progress you might find yourself moving away from your plot. If it’s more interesting – good. (Writer’s block is usually the result of trapping your characters in a dead end.)<\/em><\/p>\n Wait!\u00a0 Dead ends are good!\u00a0 Like Da Vinci Code.\u00a0 And then a ROCK FELL FROM THE CEILING!!!!\u00a0 <end chapter>\u00a0 <new chapter>\u00a0 But it was a small rock and he was okay.<\/p>\n Suddenly you will write down a scene description which makes fanfares sound, bells ring, etc. You KNOW how this one goes! Don’t write it immediately, just write more detailed notes for it. Over the next day or two it will stick in your mind, and you’ll be able to refine it. Hold yourself back and don’t write it yet. If you like you can stop outlining other scenes now. Instead, go away and play this vivid scene through your mind. If you’re itching to write it down… well, there goes the writer’s block \ud83d\ude09 Never forget this: You’re writing a novel, not reading one. What happens next is completely in your hands, but it’s this freedom which can make you freeze like a rabbit in the headlights. Do you leap left or right?<\/em><\/p>\n Okay, let\u2019s see if I can make sense of that.\u00a0 (1) Your block is broken, so try to stay blocked because you suck, please, god, don\u2019t write anything except one line sentences for blank \u201cscenes\u201d in blank chapters.\u00a0 (2) Stop writing.\u00a0 Go away.\u00a0 (3) Okay, nevermind, go ahead and write.\u00a0 See if I care.\u00a0 Fucker.\u00a0 (4) But you do suck.\u00a0 (5) Tell me about the rabbits, George.<\/p>\n When you sit down to write this stand-out scene it may not be as grand as it was in your imagination. Don’t worry, that grandness will come after multiple revisions. You will probably rewrite the whole thing several times before your book is complete – and this article was about unblocking the creative juices, not writing a first draft which just happens to be the best novel the world has ever seen.<\/em><\/p>\n Jesus, man, get off my back.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t mean to hex you now that you\u2019re coming out of writer\u2019s block, but\u2026well, it\u2019s just not good.\u201d<\/p>\n Juices.<\/p>\n After you’ve written that stand out scene (SOS) you can go back to modify the scene descriptions leading up to it, perhaps adding references to events in the SOS. As you’re rewriting these descriptions you will come across one which rings bells, sounds fanfares, etc. That’s the next one you should focus on.<\/em><\/p>\n Come at once\u2026we have struck an iceberg\u2026SOS\u2026<\/p>\n The moral of the story is … write scenes which are busting to get onto the page, and skip the ones which seem like a chore. If you’re bored out of your skull writing them, how’s your reader going to feel? Another tip: there’s no need for long, boring transition scenes. Reader\u2026 Use the same trick on any other boring parts and your novel will fly along, and so will you.<\/em><\/p>\n It is<\/em> about the Da Vinci Code!<\/p>\n So here\u2019s my advice, based on the above:\u00a0 Take a break.\u00a0 Have a beer.\u00a0 It\u2019ll work itself out.\u00a0 You\u2019re going to fail anyway, so it\u2019s not like there\u2019s any pressure on you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[352],"tags":[353,127],"class_list":["post-2539","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gsarchive","tag-gs-archive-2004-2008","tag-writing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2539","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2539"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2539\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2637,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2539\/revisions\/2637"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2539"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2539"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2539"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}