<\/p>\n
I’ve always had trouble preparing for dates but, today, I
\nlearned that I’m much better off.\u00a0 As I
\nwas getting ready for a date, a friend advised: “Don’t forget to shave your
\ncock.”<\/p>\n
That gave me pause.\u00a0 I
\ntold him that’s something I don’t really have to do, and he seemed a bit embarrassed.\u00a0 I’ve not been able to look him in the eyes
\nsince that comment and, let me tell you, I’ve never imagined someone else’s
\ncock this much in my life.\u00a0 All I can think
\nabout is a huge cock, covered in thick fur.
\nNot in a sexual way, more in a Toledo Museum of Medical Oddities sort of
\nway.\u00a0 Thank god I’m better off.\u00a0 I have a very attractive, circumcised
\ncock.\u00a0 It’s not veiny, it’s not hairy
\nand, sometimes, it talks to me.\u00a0 But it
\nseems to be single minded about stuff like politics, fast cars and Japanese
\nwater gardens.\u00a0 It also likes to dress up
\nlike a little butler.<\/p>\n
Now, there is some trimming required.\u00a0 Not on the cock, thankfully, but around We all voluntarily cleared the scene after that.\u00a0 A sort of death march to the showers, heads The image is strong in my head where I cut my scrotum and my My balls aren’t too hairy, so I can get away with it.<\/p>\n After a good trim, the next step is to clean out my During the date, even taking a piss can be difficult.\u00a0 There’s always that extra drop, isn’t I get a bit of a tumbly stomach during social I used to hold off on masturbation for a few days so, when It’s the woman’s responsibility to have condoms, KY and It’s vital for the woman to do this because, without fail, On KY — always use it. I use deodorant liberally before a date.\u00a0 Under the arms, on the wrists, and several
\nit.\u00a0 Whenever I trim the pubes, I’m tempted
\nto cut them into strange patterns.
\nBananas, hearts…something along those lines.\u00a0 Maybe my initials.\u00a0 I’m afraid to shave my balls because, in 6th<\/sup>
\ngrade, Kevin Cane missed a hurdle, came smashing down and, when the paramedics
\npeeled back his underwear, he’d actually lost a ball.\u00a0 You couldn’t see much because there was
\nenough blood to fill a bathtub but, as we crowded around, nobody missed it when
\nthe paramedic whispered, “Mother fuck, his ball’s hangin’ out!”<\/p>\n
\ndown, nobody speaking.<\/p>\n
\nballs come boiling out in a giant lump of alien scum, or like in a war movie
\nwhere the guy is trying to push his guts back in after he gets shot.\u00a0 Help me, Eight-Ball, help me!<\/p>\n
\nasshole.\u00a0 This is important because,
\nseriously, you never know.\u00a0 Three of the
\neight women I’ve been with have been serious anal sluts.\u00a0 Good girls on the outside, ass eaters on the
\ninside.\u00a0 Messy, spit covered blowjob,
\ndrift down and play with the balls, then, bang, rimjob!\u00a0 The first time around, I leapt away
\nscreaming.\u00a0 I soon came to learn that
\nwomen are psychotic, if they know what they’re doing, so you just need to go
\nalong with it.\u00a0 In the shower, I take a
\nwashcloth and work it up my ass to the second knuckle.\u00a0 Get everything nice and clean, drill it out a
\nbit.<\/p>\n
\nthere?\u00a0 Not only does it add to bad
\nscents, but it’s one of those things on my mind whenever there’s the unexpected
\nblow job as I drive her home from the bar.
\nTake a slash before you go, hop in the car and before you even get to
\nthe road, she’s swallowing cock.\u00a0 I’ve
\nnever gotten a complaint, but I become obsessed about that wayward drop of
\npiss.\u00a0 Almost all urine fetishists are
\nfemale, according to studies, but it’s a hang-up with me.\u00a0 The trick is to stand at the urinal and
\nstroke the cock for a bit.\u00a0 Apply serious
\npressure, work every drop out.\u00a0 This also
\nprovides the opportunity to turn to other people in the bathroom and say, “More
\nthan 15 strokes is masturbation.”\u00a0 That’s
\na real boy’s room icebreaker.\u00a0 It also
\nclears the bar whenever you go up to order drinks afterwards.<\/p>\n
\ngatherings.\u00a0 Antacids don’t do shit for
\nme but, I’ve found, the best solution is to spend the entire day drunk.\u00a0 Wake up and start working at it, reach a buzz
\nto where the nervous sickness leaves, then maintain that buzz.\u00a0 It’s not usually a dangerous level.\u00a0 It’s more the courage level.\u00a0 Maintaining a buzz is less intensive than
\nbinge drinking with an anal slut, as well.
\nWhile she swills apple schnapps or whatever the fuck it is women drink,
\nI’m nursing a quiet beer thinking about piss and focusing on her mouth,
\nwondering how much ass she’s eaten before mine.<\/p>\n
\nthe time came, I could produce an alarming amount of cum.\u00a0 This was before I discovered zinc, L-Lysine
\nand L-Arginine.\u00a0 Megadosing, if I
\nremember to do so, for a week helps build up the cum content.\u00a0 Masturbating at my normal level – three times
\na day – helps calm the nerves, as well.
\nDo not, however, masturbate right before the date.\u00a0 Women can smell that like a shark smells
\nblood.\u00a0 If you know the girl’s a cum
\nslut, then it might be all you need to have sex in the bathroom after the first
\ndrink.\u00a0 If you’re not sure, then you want
\nto keep clear and clean.<\/p>\n
\nwhatever else on hand.\u00a0 I don’t mean an
\nafter the fact responsibility or something chauvinistic like that.\u00a0 On the way home, after the blow job, pull off
\nat a convenience store, give her some cash and tell her to run in and buy the
\nsupplies.\u00a0 Large Trojans (a condom should
\nnever feel excessively tight), KY jelly and a case of Rolling Rock.\u00a0 Or Mickeys, if they have it.\u00a0 While you wait in the car, stare down a few
\ncops until she comes back, red-faced and crying because the clerk mocked
\nher.<\/p>\n
\nyou’ll run into one of your male friends in the store and he’ll walk through
\nthe check-out with you, blindly jabbering about that time in 11th<\/sup> grade
\nwhen you had a boner in the boy’s shower room.
\nEven if you’re 3000 miles from home, stopping at an all night store on
\nCounty Road 133 at 4am, this will happen.
\nI won’t move on this.\u00a0 I won’t
\never buy protection.\u00a0 If she’s not ahead
\nof the game, then I force her to buy it or no sex.\u00a0 (Unless, of course, I’m sure that she’s clean
\nand has had her ovaries burned out by a uranium gun or something.)<\/p>\n
\nEven if she’s a soaker, KY is fun.
\nIt helps you go on forever (especially with a condom) and it’s an excuse
\nto fuck her ass.\u00a0 KY becomes a toy, and
\nall women like sex toys.\u00a0 But don’t fuck
\nher ass if it’s hairy because you’ll have nightmares about it.\u00a0 Pollutes the subconscious.<\/p>\n
\nhard swipes across the pubes.\u00a0 You can
\neven perfume the pubes, but not too heavily.
\nThey’ll have their nose pressed against them, assuming they don’t have a
\ngag reflex.\u00a0 If they do have a gag
\nreflex, stop them and forget it.\u00a0 The
\nsecond date isn’t worth it.\u00a0 Unless you’re
\na gag-man.\u00a0 I knew a guy who really got
\noff on that.\u00a0 Me, I’m a deep throat
\nman.\u00a0 Cum against the back of her throat
\nand hope she doesn’t sneeze.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[352],"tags":[353,160],"class_list":["post-2515","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gsarchive","tag-gs-archive-2004-2008","tag-women"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2515","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2515"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2515\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2720,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2515\/revisions\/2720"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2515"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2515"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2515"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}