<\/p>\n
Archive Saturday:\u00a0 Shit from the old webpage.”And In Flew Enza”<\/p>\n
It’s always winter somewhere in the world…<\/p>\n
Shut up!<\/p>\n
It’s always winter somewhere in the world, just like it’s always night
\nat some point in the day. While influenza, also known as the “flu,”
\nisn’t necessarily brought about because of the oh-co-chilly weather, 9
\nout of 10 doctors do agree that the dreadful virus seems to enjoy the
\nchilly willy times. Those cold months when all the rosy-cheeked minions
\nof the world shuffle from their pathetic jobs to their pathetic
\ngameshows every day, nipples erect, breath frosting in the air, legs
\nunshaved.<\/p>\n
“In temperate regions,” says Doctor Martin D. Williamsburg, “that is,
\nregions possessing a temperature, the peak circulation is among the
\n22-34 year old housewives. Roughly 4.1 million copies are printed
\nweekly and mailed out. For the flu virus, the peak circulation is in
\nthe winter months. But don’t be fooled by supposed vitality – the flu
\nis with us year around. And it can kill! To learn how not to die
\nhorribly like in ‘The Stand,’ you’ll want to subscribe to our
\nnewsletter.”<\/p>\n
The interesting thing is that the flu is a constant specter near the
\nequator. The equator is an imaginary line drawn by Sir Richard de la
\nBlau in 1403. It represents the course of the Moon’s shadow across the
\nface of the Earth.<\/p>\n
Dr Williamsburg, nude except for his trademark fishing hat, had much to
\nsay about influenza’s enduring presence in tropical areas, “In the
\ntropics, flu can be seen year round. Let’s assume the Earth is a globe.
\nIn the middle of this globe, one can see outbreaks of the flu at any
\ntime of day or night. But, most especially, Tuesday nights. Now, on
\neither side of the middle, you get the flu mostly in the winter. Go
\nfigure.”<\/p>\n
Flu experts keep up with the virus as it travels around the world. You
\ncan often see them speeding along the flat highways of the American
\ninterior and, if you’re a hardcore traveler, outside of Ronks,
\nPennsylvania.<\/p>\n
These experts have put forth claims which are often controversial and
\nalways declared false by the Catholic Church. For example, some experts
\nhave claimed that humidity, temperature, and people spending more time
\nindoors contribute to the spread of wintertime flu.<\/p>\n
The official stand of the Catholic Church, however, is that the flu is spread by sin.<\/p>\n
The flu, as is known by all who fear God, is a social disease.<\/p>\n
Flu Virus A is spread by pre-marital sex. Symptoms include a fever,
\ngastric disturbance and a bizarre and inexplicable feeling of guilt on
\nthe part of the female participant.<\/p>\n
Flu Virus B is spread by the practice of so-called “safe” sex. That is,
\nsex where the true power of God and the miracle of procreation among
\ntwo married individuals is cruelly arrested by Satanic barriers such as
\ncondoms, the birth control pill, and pulling it out at the last minute
\nthen running to the window. Symptoms include, in addition to other
\nthings, the knowledge that baby Jesus has frowned upon you.<\/p>\n
Flu Virus C is found in the domain of the sodomites. To them, Humanity
\nis but a cheap tool to be used for their perverted desires. The
\nSodomites – the Painted Men – are beyond the pale of Satanic barbarism.
\nThey live in caves in the wilderness, coming into our cities to corrupt
\nour young altar boys. They not only tax our nation’s welfare system,
\nbut they spread their insidious literary ideas amongst our youth. This
\nserves no other purpose but to turn our streets into havens for
\nwandering gangs of finger-snapping, lyrically inclined sodomaniacs.<\/p>\n
May God have mercy on their souls.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[352],"tags":[353],"class_list":["post-2486","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gsarchive","tag-gs-archive-2004-2008"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2486","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2486"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2486\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2815,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2486\/revisions\/2815"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2486"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2486"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2486"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}