{"id":248,"date":"2008-10-26T19:59:08","date_gmt":"2008-10-27T00:59:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.greatsociety.org\/?p=248"},"modified":"2018-10-31T09:30:47","modified_gmt":"2018-10-31T13:30:47","slug":"thou-shalt-not-kill-that-zombie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/?p=248","title":{"rendered":"Thou Shalt Not Kill That Zombie"},"content":{"rendered":"

So my good friend<\/a>, who has a movie coming out soon<\/a>, has turned his wife into Helena, the Hussy of Horror<\/a>.\u00a0\u00a0 Originally intended for some Horrorfest thing, here\u2019s the first episode via youtube<\/a>, which is where people on the internet like to go, apparently.<\/p>\n

They didn\u2019t win whatever the Horrorfest thing was because, really, the people behind all that stuff are morons.\u00a0 So, instead, they\u2019ve turned it into a little thing.\u00a0 Here\u2019s the second episode<\/a>, which is an intro for Deadlands part 2<\/em><\/a>.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Which Commandment is \u201cdon\u2019t covet thy neighbor\u2019s wife\u201d?\u00a0 It\u2019s the seventh, right? Until I know for sure, I\u2019ll continue to do it.<\/p>\n

Actually, I do know for sure.\u00a0 It\u2019s the tenth, officially.\u00a0 I\u2019m not to covet my friend\u2019s wife.\u00a0 Or his ox.\u00a0 Or donkey.\u00a0 Or slaves of any gender.\u00a0 Or anything, actually.\u00a0 I\u2019m not to covet my neighbor\u2019s anything. It\u2019s the most desperate Commandment there is.\u00a0 In the Talmud it reads as such:<\/p>\n

You shall not covet your neighbor\u2019s house; you shall not covet your neighbor\u2019s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jesus\u2026 Re-fucking-lax, would you?<\/p>\n

The Commandments are all over the place, really.\u00a0 We\u2019ll go by the Jews because it\u2019s their shit in the first place so, presumably, they know what the fuck is what.\u00a0 Number one is the \u201cI am the Lord your God\u201d part.\u00a0 This is considered the \u201cpreface\u201d by the Anglicans and only a small part of the First Commandment by the Catholics (who are all following a guy who said fuck that shit, listen to the Beatitudes instead).<\/p>\n

How is \u201cI am the Lord your God\u201d a Commandment?\u00a0 It\u2019s more of a declaration, really.\u00a0 There\u2019s no Commandment there.\u00a0 I walk around all day saying that I am the Lord your God, but I don\u2019t actually expect shit from that.\u00a0 For an ego the size of fucking Yahweh, that\u2019s just \u201chello.\u201d<\/p>\n

Good morning, Jehovah!<\/p>\n

I AM THE LORD YOUR GOD!!!!<\/p>\n

There\u2019s just a bit of coffee left. I don\u2019t know if you do milk\u2026?<\/p>\n

ARKS!\u00a0 BUILD ARKS!!\u00a0 RAAAIN!\u00a0 AH!\u00a0 BURN BUSHES!<\/p>\n

Your psychiatric appointment is in 45 minutes, so\u2026am I driving\u2026?<\/p>\n

Number two, for the Jews: You shall have no other gods before me.<\/em><\/p>\n

Perfect.\u00a0 There\u2019s a Commandment.\u00a0 We\u2019re still with the first one if you\u2019re Catholic.\u00a0 We\u2019ve just hit the first one for the Brits.<\/p>\n

You shall not make for yourself an idol.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Still at number two for everybody except the Papist running-dogs, who are sitting at number one.\u00a0 And another good Commandment.\u00a0 Also the first one broken by Mankind, FYI.\u00a0 Especially defeating for the Catholics, because, according to them, we fucked up before we left the gate.\u00a0 Breaking the second Commandment sounds better than breaking the first, no?<\/p>\n

You shall not make wrongful use of the name of your God.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Number three for everyone, but the Papal lackeys are one behind from now on.\u00a0 This is the whole don\u2019t take the goddamned Lord\u2019s name in fucking vain.\u00a0 Which doesn\u2019t mean much.\u00a0 Don\u2019t say the Lord\u2019s name if\u2026it\u2019s a futile effort to call on him?\u00a0 Is God admitting, there, that he can\u2019t help us?\u00a0 It\u2019s futile to pray to me?\u00a0 There will be no effect if you do. There is no value in saying my name?<\/p>\n

I\u2019m just defining \u201cvain\u201d here.\u00a0 Most dictionaries go ahead and include the Biblical definition related to the Commandment but, really, it\u2019s a Commandment that subtly undermines God in every way.\u00a0 Don\u2019t pray to me.\u00a0 I\u2019m a fuck-up.<\/p>\n

I hear that, bitch.<\/p>\n

Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Commandment four stroke three.\u00a0 Whatever the fuck the Sabbath is.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been working retail since I was 15, so the \u201cSabbath\u201d is just the time I have to drag my ass to work and smile at all of you dirty, fucking motherfuckers.<\/p>\n

Nobody knows when the Sabbath is.\u00a0 Let\u2019s go to Merriam-Webster for the definition (which is roughly equivalent to asking Hitler):\u00a0 \u201c1 a: the seventh day of the week observed from Friday evening to Saturday evening as a day of rest and worship by Jews and some Christians.\u201d<\/p>\n

Okay!\u00a0 Saturday!<\/p>\n

\u201c1 b: Sunday observed among Christians as a day of rest and worship.\u201d<\/p>\n

Um\u2026<\/p>\n

Honor your father and mother.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

But only after they stop raping and beating you.<\/p>\n

You shall not murder.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Or, if you\u2019re Catholic, it\u2019s the more Buddhist \u201cYou shall not kill.\u201d<\/p>\n

The Catholics are great for that.\u00a0 Newsflash: A thousand years of Crusading is\u2026uh\u2026killing.\u00a0 See, \u201cmurder\u201d makes much more sense.\u00a0 So the original Commandment reads: you shall not do this crime.\u00a0 The Catholics go and fuck it up, and then break it instantly.\u00a0 You had a good thing going, assholes.\u00a0 War is not murder.\u00a0 Everyone agrees with that.<\/p>\n

(Actually, the Catholics were pretty good until Pope Urban II got a bee in his bonnet, eh?)<\/p>\n

You shall not commit adultery.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This one is fine, still holds true.\u00a0 Right up there with Jewish number eight: You shall not steal.<\/em>\u00a0 Amen.<\/p>\n

You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Does God live in a bad neighborhood or something?\u00a0 Because three of the Ten Commandments are about respecting your neighbor.\u00a0 I can see God with Moses right now:<\/p>\n

\u201cTell them not to be like FUCKING FRED from next door!\u00a0 I swear to me\u2026\u201d *Godfist Shake.*<\/p>\n

The false witness thing is God telling us to be supportive of our neighbors.\u00a0 Which is na\u00efve and insane because, really, fuck my neighbors.\u00a0 I hope they choke to death on whatever sex toys they stuff down their mouths in their foul pits of filth.<\/p>\n

And back to number ten\u2026 Stop lusting after Helena, the Hussy of Horror, because she\u2019s married to my good friend.\u00a0 But do go vote on her Youtube whatever things.\u00a0 Or you can email her at Helena@HussyofHorror.com<\/a>, and she’ll respond in character…which was actually somewhat confusing for me.\u00a0 But, you don’t know her, so it’ll be cool.<\/p>\n

(Also, when their movie finally the fuck comes out, I’ll review it on this here Blog of Earthly Delights, and it’ll be a glowing review because I owe them money.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So my good friend, who has a movie coming out soon, has turned his wife into Helena, the Hussy of Horror.\u00a0\u00a0 Originally intended for some Horrorfest thing, here\u2019s the first episode via youtube, which is where people on the internet …<\/p>\n

Thou Shalt Not Kill That Zombie<\/span> Read More »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[50],"tags":[403,158,84,197],"class_list":["post-248","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-cult-culture","tag-cult-culture","tag-horror","tag-movies","tag-zombies"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/248","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=248"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/248\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1023,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/248\/revisions\/1023"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=248"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=248"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/greatsociety.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=248"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}